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Saturday, July 14, 2007
triskaidekaphobia \tris-ky-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\, noun: A morbid fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th.What an interesting little fact. Finally I can put a term to use on this irrational fear some people have.
I think Hannah was right when she said "DQ you don't wanna date someone just like you. You'd drive each other crazy."Some wise person also told me that if you pick one of your friends at random, and think of 3 qualities you don't like about them, they're probably the 3 qualities you dislike the most in yourself.I think I'm starting to buy these theories that do nothing but merely speculate.OystonismsTo rise above mediocrity.Turning negative into positive.I've become such a granny. The thought of a girls' night out doesn't fill me with felicitous rapture and jubilation. Rather, I'm thinking 'Damn, this means I'll probably be tired and unproductive the next day. Not good.'How daggy am I?
Sunday, July 08, 2007
I know now why I'm a commitment-phobe. Because when I choose to care about someone, I care wholeheartedly. I can't do a half-arsed job of caring for someone, I'm just not built that way. With me, it's all or nothing. And when I give, I give a hundred and ten percent of me. Hence, before I make the conscious/subconscious decision to commit, I must know for sure that I'm getting 100% back. Otherwise, I shut down. I'm not a commitment-phobe, I'm just very wary on who I choose to commit to. And I make my emotional well-being a prerequisite, and that I know I'll be looked after. Which makes it a bit of a pickle now, because even though I know that 5 months from now, this will all have to end. And I can't let myself get emotionally involved knowing that it will all end someday. Yet even with that knowledge, neither can I pull the plug on it now and end things before anyone gets too attached or too hurt. That's just being a coward and not daring to live. It's tearing me apart inside, and there's nothing I can do about it. So help me Lord. There's no way I can be sensible and wise, because everything just doesn't seem to fall into that category. How is it possible to be in agony and bliss at the same time?
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