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Thursday, September 08, 2005
Where do you draw the line between where someone's talent ends and their personality begins?? I've got someone up on a pedestal, and I'm in love with him. Least I think I am. I know I'm in love with his amazing talent and his unbelieveable wit and humour. But do I really know him for who he is? I only know the one side of him that I've seen. How do I know if what I'm in love with is not merely his talent, and the sum of his whole? I need to reach an understanding, of him, of my own feelings and conceptions. I need to bring him down to earth, away from the pedestal that I've put him on, so I can see him as a person, a flawed living breathing human being just as I am, and not the unrealistic portrait that I've painted of him in strokes of black and white.
Monday, September 05, 2005
He is beautiful.We look for the qualities that we would love to possess, the qualities that we lack. For the other person to complete us. We project ourselves onto them, and they become an extension of our personalities.If it seems as if I don't ever get angry, then he does not have it in him to hate. I have never seen him lose his cool, get angry, snap at someone, or even vaguely annoyed or irritated. He's always got a glow in his eyes, and they seem like they can see right into you; through you. You can see the passions, the intensity, his desire for life and his art burning in him.His imagination, his creativity, his determination, his zest, his eccentricity, his humour and wit, his amazing talent, his passion, his dedication, his odd sense of everything.His energy is infectious; his space is encompassing. His sincerity is disarming. He is so grounded that I am thrown odd by him. I find myself, and even the others around him, influenced and changed. Such is the extent of his exuberant disposition.We feed off each other's spark and wit, but only on the surface level. We haven't gone deeper, beyond the impersonal. Yet will I still think him as beautiful when he lets me into his mind? Will he still see me in the same light? I'll never know, cuz he's out of my life, unless something happens, and he's written into my life and we cross paths again. Which I desperately hope we do. Right now. Have I ever wanted something so bad? I think I have, but right now, a tiny bit of me is dying with each passing moment. I've learnt and grown so much in the past few days, yet that extension is slowly but steadily diminishing. I thrive on his passion and talent.I want that man.Why do I fear what people would think? Why do I fear what I want? Why is it that I have no qualsm approaching a girl whose company I enjoy, yet I have so many second doubts and fears in wanting to start a conversation with a guy whose mind amazes me? Why am I afraid of what he would perceive from me? I am a hopeless case; I'm at a hopeless loss.
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