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Friday, December 10, 2004
Chapter 20.1
What is this I'm lacking?
Direction.
What else?
Determination.
I need to stop doubting myself and start believing. Stop settling for whatever comes my way and start being specific and strict with what I want.
I need to believe that I am worth it.
I need to believe that I can do it.
I need to believe that I am special.
Above all, I need to believe that there is a certain role in the cosmos for me to fill that noone else can.
I say, 'Don't you know?'
You say, 'You don't know.'
I say, 'Take me out.'
- Take Me Out, Franz Ferdinand
But how do you narrow down your prospects when you don't even have a clue as to what you want?
I am not content with merely being part of the puzzle. I want to be a prominant center piece. I need to feel my worth. Don't be mistaken, it's not histrionism. I just need assurance. Don't we all? I just choose to seek it on the road less travelled.
But it seems that even the path's too narrow for my baggage, and fraught with left-overs from the previous seekers that it's become an obstacle for me. I want to thrash on, yet I'm afraid I might be disappointed at the end. But I've gone too far to turn back. Or have I? I need a sign, a guiding light, a friendly face, someone to hold my hand and walk with me when it gets tedious and rocky.
Or maybe I'm just not looking in the right places for the signs.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Left and Right. Right and Wrong.
Black and White aren't like the other colours: Blue, Red, Yellow, Green. In fact, they aren't even colours; they're shades. Extreme shades of grey. Varying shades of Black and White. Each one a little more different from the other. symbolism. red rage. blue sad. yellow happy. green nature. blue purple royalty. green envy. yellow optimism. pink femine. hot pink funky. rainbow gay. neon radical.
White Christmas. Black Death.
It's always the same with these two.
Such vivid imagery.
Such immediate connection between ideas and their respective representative shades of grey.
So is Right and Wrong a case of Left and Right? Or is it more in sync with White and Black? Can we settle in the middle? Make do with infinite shades of grey? Or is there a middle? Is it just White, or Black?
'Without a simple goodbye it all goes by so fast
Gonna open my eyes and see for the first time
For no reason why, I can't cry hard enough'
- 'Can't Cry Hard Enough', The Williams Brothers
Monday, December 06, 2004
Another of Life's everyday dilemmas
Wouldn't it be great if there were no right or wrong? Where there isn't a certain set of guidelines that dictates how we should live and act?
What makes a certain action right or wrong? The mass approval of society? The wind of change of contemporary culture? Or the invisible parent that sets down Life's little rules from time immemorial?
Which is worse?
To deviate and indulge under the judging eyes of the world, or to appear upright and proper yet sin in the mind?
As how we should embrace another's culture and ways and not judge others based on our own background, shouldn't we also tolerate and welcome change and differences? Why then does one generation judge the other based on times that don't exist anymore? Are there certain things that shouldn't change as the world evolves? Or is all subject to contemporary ways and increasing changes?
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