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Friday, October 08, 2004
1605hours, Friday, October 08, 2004.
Sitting at home on a Friday afternoon, 4.05pm.
It's nice and cool outside, with a fresh breeze blowing and the sun occasionally peeking out from behind the clouds.
I want to go out, do something, yet this inertia keeps me from experiencing. No doubt there are countless things I could do: go visit a coursemate at the shop she's started working in; go check out the sale at Target and Myer; buy dynamo; get a new bottle of make-up remover; casually saunter into Prime and see if Geoff's working today and desperately hope something comes out of it; catch a movie, there so many movies I haven't seen and want to see......
Yet here I am, sitting at home in front of my laptop, blogging.
And it's not like I don't want to get out and enjoy myself, I do, it's just... laziness.
The house has gotten so comforting, just sitting in front of tha laptop, listening to music and playing games. That's something I could get used to. No rejection from my laptop, no awkwardness between us, no forced conversations. Just a mutual trust and companionship.
I'm looking for a friend, but I'm not looking to make one. I just want to skip the whole 'getting to know each other' bit. Cut straight to phase two. Impossible, I know. But I couldn't be bothered. I've been here before, and I can go through it again. No biggie. It's a lonely existence, but it's safe.
I'm too exhausted, too jaded, too tired to try. I've got people who love me for who I am, though they're scattered throughout a few continents. Whether things'll change with time, I'm not sure. But for now, I'm content, and I don't feel the need to venture further than I have to. Either way, I know I haven't found what I'm looking for, and I'm still looking. Around me and within me.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Alleluia from the heavens
Alleluia in the heights above the earth
Alleluia all His angels
Alleluia for the last will be first
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Alleluia in the morning
Alleluia for the beauty of His stars
Alleluia in the twilight
Alleluia sun and moon and shining stars
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
When the night seems so alone (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eye)
When you're weak He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside
For all your times of laughter
And every hopeful prayer
When the world weighs on your shoulders
Through sorrow and your despair
With everything, with every breath praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything and every breath praise the Lord
When the night seems so alone,
Throw your hands to the sky.
You can sing a new song,
Wipe the tears from your eye.
When you're weak He is strong,
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside.
~ 'With Every Breath', Jars of Clay
i've been wrong all along; people are complex, and i've been so simple-minded in thinking that people can be summed up by a phrase, or their fields of interest.
clothes do not make the man, and grades do not make the person. the person is defined by much broader universal ideals than just the field he or she is in.
"What're you studying?"
"Performing arts."
"Oh wow, that's so cool! I admire you for going for what you want."
no, that's nowhere near admiration.
27 years of age
first year science student in uni
elective: film studies
stereotyped 'crummy delinquent' primary, secondary and tertiary education
worked for 5years as a flight steward after army
came to melbourne without a clue with regards to lodging
ended up in a shophouse with 5 other students from all over the world
amazing knowledge of film, and dazzling ability to discuss and appreciate them which half of the so-called literary students couldn't even fathom
now that's what i call amazing.
the ability to engage and appreciate art despite being a science student, and the interest in science despite being an arts student.
afterall, wasn't science the school of practical experimentation and observation that derived from the search for answers? the answers to the philosophical questions which take into perspective the beauty and art that surrounds us? are they not one and the same? the system that governs us has so thwarted and perversed the mindset we have of these two things that complement each other, and are not mutually exclusive...... it's a shame
-Song Of The Moment-
It's Not Unusual - Tom Jones
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