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Tuesday, August 03, 2004
"The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely."
- Lorraine Hansberry
seems to make a lot of sense, after all, weren't all geniuses introverted and quirky in their own lil ways? 'it's lonely at the top', they say......
"Love and marriage, Love and marriage
They go together like horse and carriage
Can't have one without the other"
- Love and Marriage, Frank Sinatra
top 2 places where daphne quah receeds to her thoughts:
1. the shower (when she isn't belting her tiny heart out, which she normally wears on her sleeve)
2. travelling alone on public transport (which is soon coming to an end)
IDC 1020 Identity Crisis
been doing some involuntary thinking lately....... have been a very very confused person for a very very long time......... 'don't lose that smile, there're very few happy people like you left' (harris, 2002).............. if a person is (most of e time) intrinsically happy in the company of other people, and always having a crack at jokes and being a monkey, yet the moment they're alone they are filled with an immense deepness of mellowness and thoughtful reflections, coupled with an engulfing sense of melancholy, is that person intrinsically a happy person? or a sad person? have been struggling with this for a long time..... and i dunno what else to say or think, what to conclude....... is it possible to be one and both at the same time? to be happy yet sad? is that mentally possible?
am i a scam?
Monday, August 02, 2004
is this what limbo feels like?
to feel a great sense of inertia, coupled with a hint of resentment and lack of enthusiasm..... dreading the drudgery and aimless routine....... day after day... week after week.. month after month..... where you don't feel welcome, and you don't feel as if you fit in...... you stick out like a sore thumb in the wallpaper....... does that make sense? i can't wait for this to be over, for things to really start, for my life to truly begin..... to pick up where it left off, to test my wings and see if they're fully fledged.......
i can't take this performer's inertia...... i feel like my art is stagnating, my ability is stealthily retreating and i'm losing my touch............. i need to get on that stage.............. call it histrionicism.... narcissism..... showoff-iness....... pride...... lack of humility......... whatever.......
how do you feel free to express yourself as an artist in an environment where you don't even comfortable in? you are suppressed, your art is suppressed....... and you can't give your best........ i need space....... i need encouragement......... i need support........ i need to be praised............. i am an actor........ i am intrinsically self-centred, am i not? so feed me.... please........
on the other hand,
seems evrything's been sorted out, without even being sorted...... it's amazing what time apart can do to two confused minds...... it sets things in their proper places and lights the path for us to see........ and a sense of relief rushed through her, tingling from the base of her spine all the way up to the nape of her neck, then to her brain..........
so one thing's solved, but yet another rises out of the deep and looms overhead.......... will this never end?
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