HAPPY!~! sha la la~! it's so nice to be happy!~~!~!
***beambeam***

law and order, crime and punishment
well......... a good conclusion to the torturous half of my exams........ caught 'the dangerous lives of alterboys' today..... got me thinking........ if people do not impose inhibitions on us, it would be impossible for us to rebel wouldn't it? if rules didn't exist, then no one would break any rules would they? it's what man does that drives other man to insanity and offence................... it's all a vicious cycle, and there seems to be no way outta it.....................

was a pretty good paper today, though i didn't study too much for it, and i didn't sleep too much for it either, but i wanna thank the Lord and the people around me who have shown me His presence; His faith in me; His unconditional love for me.............. as kerri said, we're feeling slack and not exactly super prepared, yet we feel this eerie calmness in our hearts and minds, for we have accepted that whatever happens will happen, that we have handed it over to God, that we will do what we can, but we know that everything is out of our hands....... praise the Lord.......... Thank you baby, you brought serenity into my heart without realising it........ the world we see and experience may be depressive and pessimistic, yet it is up to us to govern how we wanna perceive it ultimately..................

different points of view? or just plain psychotic?
felt a lil tinge of jealousy today when i went to have a look at the contestents of the subaru impretza competition.................. standing in the rain for days on end, deprived of any human contact and human need for 6hrs, only to be allowed a short 5mins for that, then it back to the alienation with the hand on the car............ i was envious........... not because i wanna join it cuz i think it's fun and challenging; not because i'm stuck in my a's while people stand in the rain; not because they stand a chance to win a car but i dont; not because they've got their freedom and i don't................. but simply because they're doing something i'm not................. it's this envy that lies in all of us, that we incessantly hanker after what others have and we don't................. syanding, watching as an outsider, i wanan be part of it, i wanna be in it......... but when i do happen to be in it, do i really wanna go on? i dunno............. i know for one that i am not one to give up just like that, that such things are my cup of tea............... but a nagging teensy bit of me tells me it's not because of what i want or have or don't have, it's becase of what others have.................... is my alter ego right? are we humans really so selfish and possessive that we can't bear to not have something someone else has? i dunno........ and i don't wanna know really............. as they say, ignorance is bliss............... but then again, i would rather be that disillusioned girl, than the airy bimbo living careful....... i simply cannot bear the idea of being in the dark, of not knowing the real meaning of life................... is this my idealism? or is it my cynicism?

1924
happy 24th wedding anniversay mum and dad.............. hope u like the prawns i shelled for u................. doesn't even count for a little something but hey, it's the thought that counts right? u always shell prawns for me when i was young cuz i didn't know how to, and you still shell them for me cuz i dun wanna get my hands dirty and simply cuz i'm a brat........... but gradually the time will come for me to shell prawns for u........... and i'm starting to learn now, i'm gradually taking the first steps to shelling them (though still keeping my hands clean).............. they day will come when me shelling them with my spoon and chopsticks will prove to be too slow for u, but when that time comes, i will change, and i will shell them with my bare hands, just like how you've been doing so all your lives............. and 'im preparing for it, let me show you i can be like you................ i may fail or fall short, but hold my hand and guide me along, like how you've always done..........

today's been a fantastic day for me, and i'm happy............ not the typical hyper-high-WHOA!~ kinda happy, but the quiet inner-musing-and-feeling-full-of-fulfilment kinda happy................... dinner was simply wondrous.............. i don't recall the last time i felt this way.............. okie, maybe happy isn't the word for it............ it's more of.... satisfaction.............. peacefulness and resolution................ maybe it's the end of the tough papers; maybe it's knowing that everything happens for a cause; maybe it was the poignant beautiful film i watched; maybe it was the fruitful shopping trip after such a long fallow period; maybe it was the call from mediacorp asking me to audition for a role in an upcoming new sitcom; maybe it was the sight of the people in the rain, willing to endure rain and hunger and high tides from calls of nature for something they believe in and have the determination to fight for; maybe it was the dinner............... maybe it was everything................. anyhow, i feel at ease, at one with myself................. this may not last long............ who knows, it might just fall apart in the next minute, but right now i'm revelling in it, enjoying the peace and serenity it showers me with................. smiling to myself an inner smile, in the hope that this inner smile i wear in my heart will last through my life, and will shine forth to the people around me, shedding some restfulness to their inner voices too..............


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