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Tuesday, December 09, 2008
I had a dream. I dreamt that we were together again, you and me. But this time, I knew we were not meant to be, and so did you. But we were together, in a distant dimension, picking up where we left off. And failing terribly. We both knew we had to call it off, yet, neither of us did. It was as though I was hoping against every hope that a miracle would pull us through this dark patch. And it was as if you were jaded and couldn't be bothered with me, with us, anymore. And then I woke up. Afraid and disappointed. Disappointed that after so long, you are still in my subconscious. That even when I sleep, you still haunt my thoughts.And afraid. Afraid that my subconscious is right. Afraid that you feel exactly the way my subconscious does.And now you have left me alone again, after so many hints and allegations. You build me up and leave me feeling good about myself, and you. Then you disappear, leaving me high and dry. And you know I will not come a-knocking for you. Blame it on my pride; blame it on me wanting to preserve my heart; blame it on a fear of rejection; blame it on me wanting to have the upper hand. And you have locked me out. Out from your life. I think it's time for me to move on. To really move on. Yet... my dreams tell me otherwise. They send me mixed signals. I never remember my dreams. Yet this one's stuck with me 5hrs after I dreamed it. What am I doing? It's been 10 months. I think that's time enough for me to move on. Do I have to give myself 3 years to fully get a grip on reality?I think it was this time of the year last year when we went through some of our most intense feelings. And some of our best and most intense times together. I guess the body has a recall mechanism of its own eh? Oh I can't wait for Christmas to be over. And for next February to go by.
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