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Thursday, September 11, 2008
7 September 1753hrsThese pangs of introspection and wishing I was elsewhere but here permeate my idle thoughts. yet I am getting increasingly settled in to this existence here. I adapt. If there's one thing I naturally do well, it's adapting to change. I am an actor. I have to. It's my job.Yet despite becomingly increasingly adapted to this place, I still have idle thoughts of being elsewhere; where life is different. yet when I think such thought, there is always the safety of knowing they're mere thoughts and fancies. I lack the courage and motivation to actually up and go in reality. I need a reason to do it. I need a reason to want to be elsewhere, not a reason to not want to be here. Subtle different, but it counts for a world of difference when it comes to finding my motivation and drive. Right now I don't have a reason to want to be elsewhere, but I have a reason for not wanting to be here. Is that good enough? 'But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do Sunday morning rain is falling and I’m calling out to you Singing someday it’ll bring me back to you Find a way to bring myself home to youThat may be all I need In darkness she is all I see Come and rest your bones with me Driving slow on Sunday morning And I never want to leave'
I need to wean myself off this feeling. This ever elusive feeling that lies dormant and pops up with no warning and latches onto my thoughts. Oh why are we women so weak?! Frailty thy name is woman!
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