|
|
| |
|
 |
| |
Thursday, August 28, 2008
24 August 1310hrsTwo butterflies frolicked amongst the traffic, dancing a little courtship dance amidst the consumerism and metal automobiles. As they twined and intertwined higher and more frantically, one suddenly took off. The other fluttered, lost and frantic, backtracking into the midst of vehicles, almost as if courting doom in its desperate attempt at seeking its love. Then it seemed to find it was and returned to the dance floor where it last saw its love.Its poor lonesome dance ended concluded with it coming back down to earth, after a failed and brief but ephemeral incandescent dance in the air. It found its was back to reality, amongst the flowers, where it belonged, doing what it was created by nature to do.Hilda, 'Sometimes nature can give you answers.'
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
I think I am beginning to assimilate an inkling of this... entity in me.I am afraid of letting it go. Because......it was the best I could find.And I don't want to let go of it. For fear of never returning back to it.Or maybe even being afraid that if I let it go, it will melt away into the vicissitudes of the shores of my vast memories. And cease to hold any special significance. And I will be left with nothing. Nothing but the burnt out grey remains of a once beauteous effervescent sparkler. Now lying pointless, exhausted of its function, form and meaning. Fit for nowhere but the depths of the dirt.How does one shy away from sentimentality?Hold on
Hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell.
Hold on
Hold on to yourself.
You know that only time can tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier than the real thing.
Am I in heaven here or
am I...
At the crossroads I am standing.
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow
and will see another day
and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face.
Oh god
if you're out there won't you hear me.
I know we're never talked before
Am I in heaven here or
am I in hell
at the crossroads I am standing.
Hold on
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell.
~Hold On, Sarah McLachlan
So I hold on, in spite of everything, playing the ever-willing victim unnecessarily, when really, I could throw it all to the wolves and run careless and free. Because having nothing to tie me down also entails having nothing to come back to.So I wait.For the one to come along and wash me anew. And bind me with new chains of his own.Because we are, afterall, prisoners of our own choosing.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
I can't remember the last time that we kissed goodbye All our "I love you"s were just not enough to survive Something your eyes never told me But it's only now too plain to see Brilliant disguise when you hold me And I'm free I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use But how could I have known girl It was time and not space you would need Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know But would you believe There's a light in your eyes that I used to see There's a place in your heart where I used to be Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me There's a light in your eyes Did you leave that light burning for me Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you Constant reminder of all the things you get used to Is there a chance in hell or heaven That there's still something here to build on Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall But after all There's a light in your eyes that I used to see And a song in the words that you spoke to me Was I wrong to believe in your melody There's a light in your eyes Did you leave that light burning for me Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away Fading away It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send I tried to call your old number But the voice that I heard on the phone I recognized but she told me the number was wrong There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see And a pain in my heart where you used to be Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me There's a light in your eyes Did you leave that light burning for me~ Light In Your Eyes, Blessed Union of SoulOuch. Such beauty and poetry. I love finding old gems from the past. And finally being able to relate to that shit. When ages ago, all I could do was sympathise. Now I empathise.Maybe I need to move on from Stage 2 of the process. Cynicism and bitterness worked. But that was then. The challenge now is to find the balance. Not to throw caution into the wind and go 'Fuck this shit, I'm moving on because I can do better and I will', but to walk on with my head held high and my dignity intact, saying 'I've been to hell and back'.Sometimes the love that you lose is the love you findSometimes the pain is the doorway to peace of mindNo matter how hard you try you just can't rewindNow that you know - where do you go?I guess in my own wayJust like the her I'm wandering, wondering runawayBut aren't we all justLooking for a place to landLooking for a friend to callLooking for a destination, conversation, fascinationTo protect us from the fallLooking for the one to loveLooking for a brand new dayLooking for a reason to standLooking for a place to land~ Looking for a Place to Land, Dakota MoonLet my inner peace find me.
And it takes some work to make it workIt takes some good to make it hurtIt takes some bad for satisfactionIt takes some cold to know the sunIt takes the one to have the otherAnd it takes no time to fall in love,But it takes you years to know what love isAnd it takes some fears to make you trustIt takes those tears to make it rustIt takes the dust to have it polished, yeahIt takes some silence to make soundAnd it takes a loss before you've found itIt takes a road to go nowhereIt takes a toll to make you careIt takes a hole to make a mountainAh la la la la la la life is wonderfulAh la la la la la la life is full circleAh la la la la la la life is wonderfulAh la la la la la la life is meaningfulAh la la la la la la life is wonderfulAh la la la la la la~ Life is Wonderful, Jason MrazRemember this. And maybe I'll find my peace?
Monday, August 04, 2008
I just want to throw in the towel and exclaim 'Take me. Just do whatever the hell you want. I'm too tired to keep this up anymore.' This facade.This pretence. This game. You say it's not a game, but it is.I can't go on wanting to maintain my virtuous thoughts when inside I feel like a fucking cesspool of falsity and excessiveness of nothingness.Let me just be base. I grow. I prosper;Now, gods, stand up for bastards!I finally understand the allure of debauchery. I thought I'd put it behind me. But no, baseness is never far from one's stead. It's always a step ahead of you."Thou art a soul in bliss; but I am bound Upon a wheel of fire, that mine own tears Do scald like molten lead."- William Shakespeare, King Lear, 4.7.46
Saturday, August 02, 2008
I feel it in my bones. I think it's over.Leave no time to mope and mourn. Merely roll over, and start anew.Ouch. So simple.Yet so hard.I had it coming.
|
|
 |
|
 | |
|
