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Friday, November 23, 2007
Everyone is telling me to do it, and I know I want to, and I should. But this fear. This huge morbid paralyzing paranoid rationalizing insecure fear is just nagging way at me, sitting on my shoulder and weighing me down.I've got a lot of hard work ahead of me, and it's only gonna get tougher and I have to get my act together. But I'm so comfortable drifting along where it's secure. But only for now. After some time, when I get sick of the security, I'll get all restless and unfulfilled again. They don't prepare you for this stuff in uni do they? No 'How to get started on your working life out of uni 101'. They just teach you the facts, expect you to understand or merely regurgitate the facts, and off you pop into the real world. Fuck. Education should not be like that. Education is not merely the stage of your life where you get smart and they primp you up and makes friends. It should be about imparting the real guts and glory of living and surviving in the real world and how to dig your way out of the ditch you started in, and not to feel all lost and helpless, not knowing what to do.Yvonne(someone I respect who churns out wonderful theatre and is the artistic director of Student Theatre in uni, someone I don't speak to often, but we have our fun moments) : So Miss Quah, what are your plans?Me: I dunno Vonne. I'm thinking London, or Melbourne. I wanna go to London this much (spreads hands width of body) But I'm scared this much (widens hands to 1 1/2 times).Vonne: That's why you should do it. You don't regret the things you didn't do. You regret the stupid things you did and the things you didn't do. This is the best time to do it.It seems so clear doesn't it? How someone can tell me so succinctly and clearly why I should just cast my fears aside. All all done under 15secs. At a party where I felt like an old fogey who'd lost track of all the newbies and goings-on. The one person who's seen them all come and go comes up to me at the end of the night and steers me in the direction I should take. Maybe that was the best part of me going to the party, to receive this sign telling me my fears are not unfounded, but I shouldn't let them hold me back.Oh Dear Lord. Help me.
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