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Friday, August 24, 2007
Isn't it funny how everytime I harden up a little, something nice comes my way and I melt yet again into a mushy puddle? This has got to stop. Why am I such an emotional mess? It's ridiculous, Daphne should be scoffing at this. This constant inextinguishable spark of optimism; I've almost become a pollyanna myself. Always looking into everything for something more. I should be ashamed. It's late darling; to bed, to bed. Fie, hell is murky. Ain't that true.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Either I'm too nice, or I'm too sensitive. I don't know which. Make up your mind Daph.Maybe I'm a bit of both, I'm screwed now aren't I? Sometimes when I get really tired, I just get sick of trying and don't even bother. It's a terrible state for me to get to, but I do it, remorselessly too. It's bad. Oh well, what the hey. Whereas most people sit somewhere in the middle, I rest at the extreme end, and when I get rustled, I swing to the other extreme end, bypassing the middle ground where most people perch. I think that makes me a fairly hard person to figure out, by normal people standards. But I don't really care, no. At the end of the day I end up all hurt and sad, simply cuz I was too proud or nonchalent to voice my thoughts. Suck it up Daph. That's life. Sometimes I should stop putting myself on the firing line and just retract back into my tiny shell of comfort. Least I know I'm safe and unhustled there. Albeit lonely. This is crap. Life shouldn't be this hard. People should be more honest. People should be more considerate.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
12th August 2007 - A day of firsts
The first time I went skiing. And did very well for a first timer.First time I had ever see that many stars in the sky. We were 5 hrs out of the city, and there wasn't a single light aside from the occasional car on the road, and the iridescent stars in the sky. I swear, I had never seen the sky filled with that many stars. It was simply breath-taking. I sat in the back seat of the car and stared at the stars for an hour. Never before have I seen brighter stars in the sky. I used to think those pictures of the constellations were crap, cuz one can't see all those stars. But I was wrong. It is possible. I was just never presented with the opportunity. I could see all the stars of the constellations, and even those not belonging to any constellation. I even saw the Milky Way. How amazing is that? That faint white shadow just extending from the bottom of the Big Dipper. It was divine. I felt like I was communing with some ancient energy. I was in awe. I was at peace. I was attuned to the cosmos. It was surreal. I miss it. When will I ever get the chance to experience that again? I feel like a little girl who's just been let in on a grand secret, and I want more. Ah well, such is life. I'm sure the stars and I will meet again. Just think on it, those very light rays hitting my retina at that precise moment were rays that have travelled trillions of miles and are millions of years old. How humbling is that thought? I feel so insignificant and humanised ; it's beautiful. I need more moments like this in my life.The Bacchae opens tomorrow. I am strangely calm. It will be great. It is great. I need to start looking at the big picture, and out of my own consciousness.I think I'm a naturally paranoid person when it comes to my relations with people. I read into every little gesture and sign, and interpret the worst. And I'm so super sensitive to the slightest things. It's terrible. I need to get over this childlike approach and start taking things less personally. It's not all about you Daphne, remember that.
Friday, August 10, 2007
I think Pride is one of my major sins. Never thought much of it, but I think I just realised it. Nothing gets me more offended than being patronised and talked down to. And when I'm annoyed, I usually try to work things out. I just leave, simply cuz I couldn't be bothered. Some people might say that's an attitude problem. I say, 'tough titties'. I'm in the right.
Monday, August 06, 2007
I am a working woman now =)And it feels good to be able to say I am able to stand on my own two feet, if I choose to.Regardless of the fact that I had some connections which helped me get the job in the first place, I am proud to say that I have done a mighty marvelous j0b on my first two days at hospitality, and have gotten good reports from my supervisors. Not that I'm allowed to know that. Again, connections make the world go round. The uniform room lady even joked that I'd be a supervisor myself in 4 months. Funny lady. And the people I've worked with have been nothing short of amazing and encouraging and supportive. Although I've heard horror stories about other rooms, I've gotten the nice rooms, and have been called back to do both rooms. It's not as daunting as I thought it'd be. And now we enter the last week of rehearsals for The Bacchae, we're running the show this week. Let's hope this goes down just as well. Life has been really good to me.
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