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Monday, May 28, 2007
I'm doing my own freaking head in, that's what I'm doing. God, you're such a loser Daphne. Stop running away with your imagination and stick to what's at hand, GUH! Women. Nothing but misery, really.She's already running away with her thoughts faster than anyone can say 'Gin, on the rocks!'On that note, I've still got that headache from that gin I had for lunch. Maybe that's cause all i had for lunch was the gin. Hmmm. People should tell you these things before you do them.I wish someone would understand my inner conversations as well as I do.
Clear thoughts now, think proper thoughts.
SO, tomorrow we begin our new journey. The Bacchae. Wow. Somehow I'm not as excited as I should be. Is that bad? Don't know. Least it makes me glad that I found someone who feels the same way I do. Maybe it's the age thing. Maybe we more mature and less excitable. Maybe I'm just making excuses. Maybe I'm just kidding myself. Maybe I'm just jaded. Maybe I've uncovered my diva complex. Maybe I'm sick of all this and want to get some real action. Maybe I'm just talking shit. Baby steps, Daph, baby steps. We'll take things as they come, don't count the rickety planks on the bridge before we get to it, that's plain stupid.And at the end of this week's rehearsal, on Thursday evening, the start of another new journey. Aden. Go-karting. Should be interesting. Somehow I'm filled with trepidation and excitement and apprehension. Funny cocktail of feelings, ain' it? This is all so new. I can't handle it. Rather, I don't want to handle it. We'll see. This old heart's been out in the cold too long. I hate expectations, they're the worst thing since global warming. Someone should feed the expectations of the world to the dogs. Then the dogs'll expect to be fed the next day. Great. Such a vicious cycle isn't it? Who needs Greek vicious revenge cycles when you're got a daily dose of vicious cycles everyday? I really should go to bed. Or read the script again before rehearsals commence tomorrow. I'm tired of this. Get me some real work. I've one foot in the saucepan, one foot on the stove top. Make up your mind Daph. Stop playing mind games with yourself. Oh, and if Aden stumbles upon this post, ha. What a joke it will be.Honestly, I've got too much time on my hands to be able to whinge like that. Oh why don't I do better things with my time? She wonders. Cause you're a lazy cunt, that's why. - End transcript -
Friday, May 25, 2007
I want some Natural Confectionery Snakes. Especially the blue ones. Yummmm...I want to hurry up and finish my bleeding essay!!!I still want my gummy snakies...*croons*I want love, just a different kindI want love, won't break me downWon't brick me up, won't fence me inI want a love, that don't mean a thingThats the love I want, I want love
And I still want those gummy snakes... I'd settle for gummy bears, they're nice.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I remember Hannah telling me once, long ago, "DQ, You're incapable of evil."I think, now, I am. If I want to. Doesn't mean I'd enjoy it. I'd have to be pushed to the point where my psyche's going 'fuck this shit'. And then I can do evil. I wouldn't want to. But I could. And I think, as time goes by, I might one day even grow to enjoy it.I think I'm losing that naivety and innocence that glows so radiantly within me. Oh well. Life's a bitch and then you die.
(Edit: I just recalled an event from yesterday. I think I'm already beginning to enjoy my new found viciousness)
Friday, May 18, 2007
I really r e a l l y really want a 2005 Maserati Gransport.Do I want the respect of my industrial peers more, or a Maserati?I dunno. Possibly Maserati 55%; Respect 45%And that scares me. It scares me that I'm so potentially close to selling out.I don't want to be famous. But I do want the respect and critical acclaim from my critics and the general public. And that entails being famous. I want to be rich and respected for my craft. Well. Not very feasible. Unless I sell out. If I get the chance to, anyway.Fuck, it's all messed up.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
"Don't make it a 20 year plan. Make it 5. If you want to start a theatre company I will show you how to go about getting the money and support. You can do a bilingual one-woman show. I want to see your name up in lights before you're 30."
Can I do that? Frankly, it all sounds a bit ambitious. Not that I'm not ambitious, but... Can I do all that? But the Singapore scene is so contrived, and Melbourne so... Aussie... I should be thinking global. If I want to really make something of myself, I should get out of Singapore; get out of Melbourne. Try it in the big ocean. Shite. That's a huge thought. I don't think I'm ready for it. Shit I'm a coward.
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