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Tuesday, March 13, 2007
It's odd, but even though I've known these people for three years, and I've been facing them for the past five weeks, 3 days a week, for 9hours each day, I still feel a rift between me and them. Am I being paranoid? I don't think I am. I just find it hard to open up my soul to this group of people because, sad to say, I just don't think I can trust and rely on them. It's sad, but it's true. I want to, but I can't. I once said I don't like to dump my shit on people, and one of them commented that I never dump my shit on anyone. Well, the truth is that I don't feel like I'm able to dump my shit on them. The few times when I have attempted to dump some shit, I've been flippantly shoved aside, and I don't think that's the way I like being treated when I'm trying to share my problems. The vibe I get is not the 'We love and accept you for who you are', but more the 'If you're not one of us, tough' vibe. Whenever we gather in a group, there's never the communal group chatting about universal issues. It's always broken pairs and trios either gossiping, bitching or flirting. How can I create invisible links with people who don't share their universal views? The individual does not exist as a mere shell, we're all part of the greater cosmos and if we don't attempt to try to fathom it, then what do we have in common that links us? I'm not assuming a higher-than-thou attitude, far from it. I'm just looking for someone who's on the same page as me, that's all. Is that so hard? Or am I just making excuses for my unreasonably high expectations?
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