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Friday, March 30, 2007
'I don't know what it is, but there's just something about you that makes me wanna watch you on stage.'
'I reckon you could play Mia Farrow's role in Rosemary's Baby.'
'You have a certain quality about you.'
And I am an abstract and brief chronicle of our time. I don't want to be able to do great things. I just want to inspire people through my portrayal of characters on stage. That's all I ask for. And for now, I'm just happy to hear that my peers think that there's more to me than there is to me. Even though I don't necessarily see what they see. And I shall continue to strive for that ephemeral something I'm searching for.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I should have realised it sooner, but I didn't. It's all so clear now:I'm a cynical bitter bitch.Oh dear me.
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How daft are some people? Like seriously. Maybe I'm being an absolute cunt, but serious...
wanjai says:
hmm...had ur dinner..?
DQ is the dope. says:
errr, yah...... it's like 11pm... If I haven't had my dinner i'd be passed out on e floor by now
wanjai says:
hehehe...
wanjai says:
so weekend is coming..so wats ur plan..??
wanjai says:
hmmm..
wanjai says:
must be going for drink
wanjai says:
hahaha
DQ is the dope. says:
yeah sure, that's ur wkend plan, not mine
wanjai says:
hahaha..no lah..its been quite long time since u left i never go drink..no kaki..
DQ is the dope. says:
as if
wanjai says:
means..i'm bz wit werk..den i ask my fren but they don wanna go...so eventually i've stop drinking for mean while..
wanjai says:
hehehe
DQ is the dope. says:
yeah i know what it means, i just dun believe u
Anyone who knows me would know that I'm being dry and a smartmouth. Some men just don't fucken get it. And that shits me. It shits me that there exist people (read: men) who are so fucken thick as a slab of frozen beef that they can't tell when I'm being an absolute cunt to them because I want them to fuck the hell away.
Hence I'm a cynical bitter cunt.
Lord help me.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Judge not, lest ye be judged, the good Man in the good Book says. But we all judge, don't we? In some way or another? I know I try not to judge, but I do, regardless of whether it's conscious or subconscious. But now, I have to say this, I mean it utterly and totally, and I'm not sorry to say it. Desmond is an utter fucking idiot.There's no qualms about it. It's amazing how ridiculous a 27 year old grown man can think, and how retarded he can act. I feel like I'm the chaperone of a perpetual petulant spoilt 5 year old.Even a 16 year old can out think him. No wonder he complains of being constantly fleeced by his best friends and gets a new best friend who fleeces him. He quite literally scatters the crumbs in the forest and goes 'Here kitties, come to daddy! Daddy's got some treats for you!' Stupid man. Can't someone smash some sense into him? His home, his job, his family, his friends, it's all a comfortable little cubby hole, no wonder he doesn't feel the need to prove himself. He's a useless little twat and stubborn as a mule too. Doesn't believe a word you say when you tell him he's being a moron. Then goes off in to his Ophelia-state (victim complex) and bemoans. When he's done with that, he goes back into his God-complex.Give me strength. Or better yet, a sledgehammer.To smash his possessions, not his head in. Though that would be a good idea, and I'll get to see if it's really as empty as it seems to be.
Friday, March 23, 2007
What do I live for?What's my goal in life?How do I know that what I think I want is really what I want?If I haven't gotten it, how will I know that I will be satisfied when I get it?I never will know, will I?Life is like a series of Everests, each one taller than the previous.
Monday, March 19, 2007
I think,I think... I think I'm in a happy place right now. It's funny the things that happen to you when you stop looking for them. And then when they do turn up most totally unexpectedly in the least likely way possibly that you thought would happen to you, you realise 'That's not quite it'. And you walk away with a slight sense of fulfillment, contention, realization, catharsis and enlightenment, and a slightly bigger ego.There're so many things I could ask for right now, but I won't. Because I'm in a happy place, and I'm content. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy, just means I'm a happy place; there's a difference. (I'm still a full time cuddler Gladys, *wink*)So for now, I'm gonna ride on my happy cloud, attempt to learn some lines, and march off to research methodology class, that ought to bring me back down to earth a little. Bloody research paradigms and what-not.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
It's odd, but even though I've known these people for three years, and I've been facing them for the past five weeks, 3 days a week, for 9hours each day, I still feel a rift between me and them. Am I being paranoid? I don't think I am. I just find it hard to open up my soul to this group of people because, sad to say, I just don't think I can trust and rely on them. It's sad, but it's true. I want to, but I can't. I once said I don't like to dump my shit on people, and one of them commented that I never dump my shit on anyone. Well, the truth is that I don't feel like I'm able to dump my shit on them. The few times when I have attempted to dump some shit, I've been flippantly shoved aside, and I don't think that's the way I like being treated when I'm trying to share my problems. The vibe I get is not the 'We love and accept you for who you are', but more the 'If you're not one of us, tough' vibe. Whenever we gather in a group, there's never the communal group chatting about universal issues. It's always broken pairs and trios either gossiping, bitching or flirting. How can I create invisible links with people who don't share their universal views? The individual does not exist as a mere shell, we're all part of the greater cosmos and if we don't attempt to try to fathom it, then what do we have in common that links us? I'm not assuming a higher-than-thou attitude, far from it. I'm just looking for someone who's on the same page as me, that's all. Is that so hard? Or am I just making excuses for my unreasonably high expectations?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
As I was sitting among a long line of cars in the early morning traffic which was held up by the railway boomgates, I glanced to my left to check out if there was some eye candy in the adjacent car, and I find a girl with a pair of sewing scissors in one hand, sifting through her hair with the other, and snipping away split ends. I couldn't help but feel a slight tingle of amusement. Because that was exactly what I was doing (minus the sewing scissors, that's a bit full-on!) Aren't girls such marvellous creatures? I love it!I find myself becoming such a theatre nerd. On the one hand I wish for my old carefree lifestyle back, where I could go out whenever I wished, and stay out as late as my body can handle. Yet on the other, I know the tremendous payoff at the end of the day is going to be amazing. Everyday (4 days a week, to be precise), I discover something new and exciting, and I broaden my mind by that bit. Everyday I find another reason to be excited by what I do. Everyday I can't wait for Honours to end so I can put everything I've learnt into practise. Everyday I tremble at the knowledge that this one year is going to end in the blink of an eye and I don't want it to end. Everyday I yearn a little more to make a difference to this world I live in.I'm actually enjoying this shell that I'm currently living in. Why? Because it's simple and direct. I have an aim; I have a purpose. What I'm doing interests and compels me. Yet why do I feel this tiny conscious urge to want to get back out there in the social playing scene simply because it's what everyone else is doing and it's what I ought to do? I'm content with my present social life, or lack of. I don't think it's healthy, yet, I couldn't be bothered to make the effort. Oh sometimes I wish I was simpler and less superficial.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Melbourne Current Conditions - Current temp: 26.3°C
- Recorded min: 19°C
- Recorded max: 29°C
- Feels like: 27.3°C
Don't you think Melbournians have such a sense of humour? 'Current temp 26.3, Feels like 27.3'......... I think it's fucken classic!!!!!!!!!! "By golly George, it feels one degree higher than it rightly is!" Fucken hilarious. And who doesn't have a sense of humour and too much male ego? Fucken mat rempits. I swear, if the world was protected by a layer of male ego the atom bomb wouldn't stand a chance. So Daphne plucks up her guts and does what she thinks is the right thing to do. Honesty is the best policy, they say. And her honesty gets thrown back in her face when the tiny prick of an excuse for a male specimen turns the tables and throws the cards back in her face in a desperate bid to salvage what's left of his broken male ego. Fuck this shit. I don't deserve to be emotionally blackmailed, then abused, when all I went is the best for everyone. And if I turn into an angry male-bashing feminist lesbian who thinks all men are tools, you'll know why.
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