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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Zings of sharp wit'I once saw underwater porn. How do they do it?''You drown.''That probably explains why they never made it big.''I love House. The last episode I saw was the one with the Jesus boy.''Asia's left of the centre of the universe. Which is New York, by the way.'Gosh I'm funny.I have reached the conclusion that I am an immensely cowardly thoughtless selfish person. I always assumed that I try my best to be considerate towards the feelings of others, yet the past few days have just proven me so wrong. I just want to disappear; wish nothing had ever happened; wish he'd never come into my life. Not because it's all terrible or anything, just simply because it'd all be so much simpler and easier. I'm a coward. I have no idea what I want, and I'm dragging an innocent vulnerable person down with me by my frivolous emotional swings.I am also an unforgiving conceited person. My level of tolerance has plummeted. I have become self-obssessed and callous, and so cut-throat I frighten myself. When you're around people who constantly disappoint you, and people who never pull their weight around and you constantly have to watch your own back and be on the lookout, you naturally acquire a certain bite. A bite you never knew you had, and you wish you hadn't acquired, which scares you because you've become the person you always wanted to keep away from. How is it possible to stay untainted in the face of adversity? I wish I could but I can't so I won't. Is that a futile excuse? Probably. But what else can I do? I'm merely human, and if the people I thought mattered to me fail to support my claim, what else is there for me to do but to get all cynical and downtrodden?I'm sticking to the theatre circle. As fake as it is, I know I can count on it to be fake. Rather than placing my implicit trust on something out of the theatre circle and thinking it's genuine, only to have it turn around and bite me in the arse. Least in the theatre I know it's all an illusion and a suspension of disbelief. It's good while it lasts.
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