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Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Why do I base my own expectations and judgements on others? I guess I've become so immersed in the 'theatre crowd' that I've kind of fallen out of touch with the 'real world'... have I? Points to note:- Not everyone is as affectionate and wacked as we are.- Just because we do/say/express exactly how we feel doesn't mean there aren't people who hide their feelings - I don't play mind games. Sadly, most normal people do.- Contrived flirting; one word: Eeww. - Sweet nothings and meaningless assurances: Get over it.- Not everyone understands that it's one massive (backstabbing) family in performing arts, and that what you see might not necessarily be what you get.- I am my own person, don't expect me to succumb to societal expectations of what's supposedly right, or what you assume I should be doing.Have I become a cynical defensive witch who's so scared of being touched meaningfully that she puts up all walls possible to prevent anyone from getting in? I feel like I need to cut the world some slack. But I simply can't stand cliched cop-outs! URGH! Shits me up the wall like a motherfucker! I cringe at the very core of my being!I fear for myself. I fear I've become numb to the infinite possibilities of wondrousness in the world that I've become isolated from.I think I need to hit myself over the head with the 'Just Chill' stick.Suddenly all these expectations are placed upon me just because someone thinks it's the prerequisite of an expression of interest. But... What about me?, as Shannon Noll sings, It isn't fair. Haha!!! Oppps, I digress. I don't know. I've got a whole truckload of mixed feelings and it's driving me nuts. It's cramping my style, I can't think/feel straight. I wish I could say and do exactly what I want, but I know that's going to hurt someone. Just let me go back to my happy bubble of solitude. I'm too used to that, it's gonna take more than a few sweet meaningless words and sappy cringe-worthy flirting to get me out of there and break the walls of this cold hearted bitch. Like I said, I don't play that game.You want my affections? You gotta earn them. Hard, but fair. In true Aussie style.
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