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Friday, July 28, 2006
Just picking up on the note about picking bones by the Pompous Papadum, I really hate it when someone has an issue with you, but pretends everything is fine, but goes round behind your back and plays the victim to everyone else in your shared social circle. Given that they do it not out of spite or malicious intent, but merely because they feel like they want some sympathy and they feel like wallowing. But still, that's no excuse. You have an issue, you pick it out with me, you don't go spouting like an ass's behind to everyone who's not involved. And so everyone hears her story, and they're all too gutless to ask you for yours. And you're still in the dark, until a real friend feels you have the right to know what's been going on. I've made a subconscious decision to let the aggresive stand-for-no-shit Daphne out of her cage. I've handed over the ball to this person and it's now in her court, and she's told me that she had no issues with me, but lo and behold, what a liar. Although it hurts to cut her off, I feel like it's something I have to do. Even if I tried to ignore this issue, I couldn't, I'm not made like that. I don't want to let this friendship go just like that, yet given the circumstances, if I hold on to it, it's gonna do more harm than good. How can I establish a friendship where the trust foundations are not there? I trusted her enough to confess to her when I did wrong to her, but she misused my trust by taking it to other people and not coming directly to me. That's not kosher. If this friendship means as much to her as she says it does, then she'd come and sort things out with me instead of victimising herself to everyone else and making me out to be the vicious villain in sheep's disguise. But I do believe I'm making it clear to her that I'm not standing for it. I can't even bring myself to converse normally with her in social situations. It all feels so forced for me, I can't do it. If she doesn't pick up on that, then well, that's just too bad really. Otherwise, as much as it hurts, I'm ready to let her go. I'm not gonna be everyone's doormat anymore. I have my pride and feelings, and they're more important than friends who only care about their own feelings.But hey, isn't that the nature of this industry? Where nothing is as it seems? How naive I was to assume that I could trust what I was given. Of course not, these are actors we're dealing with here. Time for a wake up call my darling.
Monday, July 24, 2006
You never learn, do you, Daphne?Why have I been missing in action the past month and a bit? Too much to say, too litte time? Maybe. Too much in thought, too scattered to write? Possibly. Nothing to say, too busy to try? Very likely. How bout just plain lazy? That works just as well.When I was stranded in the Melbourne airport for 10hrs I had plenty of time to blog, but alas, no free internet. Bummer. But that aside, I do have ten pages of writing in my diary, waiting to be typed out in neat computer font, but nope, what's past is past. Besides, they were rather wanky anyway.The wheel has come full circle.King Lear, (somewhere in the text)It's true, everything does revolve in circles. And just as always, I am alone again. As much as I'd like to think I have friends I can count on in Melbourne, I am sad to say I don't think that's the case. And sometimes you ponder if things were worth your effort, and why you did what you did. It never pays off does it? I'm always scapegoating for someone else. Well, that's enough. I'm not going to bother justifying myself to people who don't bother finding out the truth from the horse's mouth. I'm done with pretenses. If gossip is what they want, gossip is what they shall get, but not from me, I refuse to associate myself with idle banal verbal matter.How ironic is it? You do something that lets someone down, and in being honest and telling them the truth of the matter, they let you down by the way they choose to react to your honesty.With friends like these, just let me be reclusive, I'm less troubled that way.
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