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Monday, June 19, 2006
I have drunk, and seen the spider.And now is the time to click my heels, bring it home, clear up my mess, and then head off home, for real.That feeling of relief when you know that you've done your worth and now you can finally rest. Ahhh. Bliss. I've crossed the final hurdle, well, for this semester at least, and I am proud to say I worked my arse off for it. Staying up til 7am, past the witching hour, past the dead silence, and til the birds start chirping and the sun starts rising, well, that's always an accomplishment isn't it? It makes you feel like you really did a lot, like you proved your worth. Especially if you did so two days in a row. *taps nose conceitedly*Alright! Time to hand in those assignments, do my last lot of shopping, run my last errands for the family, get a heater for my poor tropical fighting fish who's freezing her ass off in this 'city by the bay', pack up my things, clean up the apartment which looks like a cyclone tore through it, and to bring it home! I'm all over work like a rash!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Look what you've done my dear, look what you've gone and done.Open your eyes and look at the precipice you've uncovered. The path that once upon a long long time ago you said you would never ever tread on. Yet now, look where you've ended up. I just can't believe the foolish simplicity of the naivety and wide-eyed foolishness that has landed me where I am. Sometimes I really wonder if certain things that happened, was I asking for it?I've gone and trashed my wonderland, now I have to face the music.Something so wrong that time and again, I, We, have always been adamently been against it. Yet in the blink of an eye I've soiled my rainbow. Am I simply just plain stupid? Or am I just hopeless? I really have no idea. Why does it seem as if it's always me? Is it me? Or is it just the given circumstances?Do you want to know the worst part of it all? It that I don't even feel remotely as bad as I should. I don't feel as bad as I would have, had this happened once upon that long long time ago, which really isn't all that far back in time.Don't get me wrong, I'm not simply just getting on with my life, hair in the wind, without a care in the world. I do think about what I've done, and I do wish things didn't have to turn out the way they did, but that's the way it is now, and I'm just accepting it and moving on. Have I learnt my lesson?I can't say for sure.I hope I have.I want to have.But I can't be certain.Where has that part of me gone? It's like a part of me has died, and the new me is jaded and calloused. Like scar tissue, tough from ancient hurts and experiences. What have I done to that innocent babe of long long ago? She's somewhere inside, buried beneath all the debris, but she's taken on a new form, she's gone from physical loitering to being the emotional gatekeeper.I don't know which is better. I just can't go back to who I used to be. I can't take back all the things I've done. I'm like a piece of oil-stained fabric. You can never get the stain out, it only fades with time, but never goes away fully. From now on, you use this piece of fabric strictly for cleaning up oil, because that's what happens, Filth can only love filth.
Monday, June 05, 2006
You can't please everyone all of the time, some people most of the time, a few people some of the time, every one at all times, most people most of the time, noone all at the same time.And on thet note, I desperately want to know what part I got in next semeter's production. It's supposed to be out today and but still no email from Peter. Hmmm. Peter's a lovely man, love him to bits, don't mean to bag him, but that pretty much sums up performing arts bureaucratic efficiency for you. And just for the record, I still have not gotten my grade for last semester's production. Yikes. I really should put my foot down firmly by now eh? I'm partly to blame too, I can never seem to be a firm tight-arse bitch, regardless of how hard I try. Oh of course, when it comes to peotic justice I'm ace at that, but when it comes to something literal that is in the hands of someone else that I'm subject to, I'm all meek and a humble doormat. I really should stop that, doesn't really get me what I want, does it?To date, List of things I have yet to accomplish:- Actor's journal by June15- Reflective essay on Lovepuke (through the eyes of an academic actor), due June 15- Set design for The Chairs, complete with costume ideas, sketches, and fabric swatches, lighting design and colour template for the show, sound design,... oh gosh, it's giving me a headache just thinking about what I have to do, basically design for a production, covering all aspects of it, which includes getting fabric, paint, material, wood, etc samples from various places, which I have absolutely no idea on where to get, not good!! Due in June15- Model-making!!! Workshop for model making of The Chairs set, June14 and 15.- Bring my clothes down to the dry-cleaner's, because clumsy me got red wine of them. To be done ASAP!!!!- Completion of errand after errand for the family before I leave on June20.- Bills, bills and more bills!- Much promised but even more so delayed catch-up sessions with darling friends. Due June20.- Witches' lines from Macbeth to memorise for performance tomorrow. No idea what our concept is, we'll find out later!!! Yikes!Aaaacckkkk, I shudder to think on more. It's a seemingly colossal list, and I'm sure there's plenty of subsets to each point.Back to my entry title, You can't please everyone some of the time, some people most of them time, a few people half the time, hardly anyone sometimes, and the list goes on. I've decided that I am going to stick to pleasing my ideal of what's right. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to be a self-indulgent wank from now on, just means I'm going to go with what I tihnk is right and wrong for the specific situation. Makes it easier to live with myself. I should also start being more confident and assertive of myself. Who gives a shit what other people think, especially people who don't give two hoots about other people! Like I said, so long as I stick by my guns and do what I think is right, I should be fine. I hope. Keeping my fingers crossed for that.With that said (and not yet done), it's almost the end of semester, well, technically it is the end of semester, heheh, and I've assignments to finish and people to catch up with and errands to run. It feels liks this semester has flown by so quick there's hardly been time for me to breathe a little. Well, I kinda have, basically after Lovepuke was finished I just took a looong, much delayed, much needed breath, and never came back from that, hence the huge pile-up of work. But really, that's okie, so long as I'm seemingly happy and pleased I guess I'll be fine. *Snort*Alrite, time to stop procrastinating and pretending that I'm doing something fruitful and accomplishing nothing by blogging about getting things done. How ironic. Ahhh, the things we do to skive. Heheh. Time to get my lazy ass cracking! List of immediate things to get cracking to:- Witches' lines- Actor's journal- Dropping clothes at dry cleaner's- Picking up clothes from alterationsYes! I shall get to it!! And stop this ridiculous delay mechanism at once!! Ahhh, the obsession with lists, how funny!!
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