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Saturday, May 13, 2006
Somehow I feel as if the experience of Lovepuke and its people has changed me. I am still me, yet different. In a sense, it has liberated me, of some of my insecurities and fallbacks. I don't feel so much like a different person, rather, I feel rather as if I've stepped out of my shell. You know how when you hangout too much with certain people you start to take on their personality traits? Well that's kinda how I'm feeling. I'm not sure if this is going to fade or if it's a long term thing. All I know for sure is that it doesn't necessarily feel like such a bad thing. I'm not totally positive it's good, but at the same time, it's all just really really hazy for me. This semester has flown by so fast, I've met so many people, bonded with a few, but these things kinda come and go, as such is the nature of it. I feel somewhat satisfied. Although the very thought of uni work is constantly tugging at my mind. For the first time ever, I didn't feel tremendously nostalgic at the end of the show. I can't fathom that, because this is the best show I've ever done, yet I wasn't the msot upset I've ever been. I guess you kinda get used to it, see things with an aged eye. Maybe it's simply because it's been such a terribly fan-fucking-tastic show that I have no regrets about it drawing to a close because I gave it the very utmost best I could and I got the very best out of it. It's truly been an amazing show, every single run was perfect. Never have I felt more comfortable, confident and in control of myself and every thing else around me on stage. You grow to trust. And that trust carries on. I guess maybe that's why I've developed this new confidence and frankness in me. The implicit trust and honestly that grew in me during Lovepuke has stayed within me, and I've kinda carried it on with me into my everyday life. I'm liking it. This new-found confidence and security in myself, I like it. I don't care as much what other people think of me, because if they don't like what they see, they can jolly well sod off. Because I know I'm an amazing person, and we can all just let that amazing person within us shine through, if only we'd just leave a little gap for them to wriggle out of. I hope she stays. The Lord has been wonderfully kinda to me, and I an eternally grateful. Let me not be carried away by myself and forget the more important things. I am amazing. But more so is He.
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