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Sunday, May 21, 2006
So apparently, I have issues. Hunh. I wouldn't say I'm your average happy-go-lucky girl-next-door who's got her whole life all laid out in front of her without a care in the world who plants herbs in her garden and breeds rabbits for a past time, but to say hear someone actually say 'You've got issues Daph.' That's harsh.We'd be in rehearsal, and you and McBurnie would always say something and everyone would be like 'What?!~'You always come up with such random one-liners it's bizarre. Everyone thinks you're funny, but I'm thinking 'oh, I'm spending too much time with this girl.' What's that supposed to mean? I have absolutely no blinking clue how to take this. Is it good or bad or...? No idea. It's doing my head in.I mean, will someone define 'issues' for me? What kinda issues? I don't get it anymore. Language is so rapidly changing that something that meant one thing today might mean something totally different a week later. On a separate note, I'm totally hating myself for letting me do this to myself. Does that make sense? Not really, but hey, whatever I'm doing's not making much sense either.It's ironic how I hate people who play games and I profess to not be an advocate of game playing myself, yet by the same token, I don't want to be a direct person and say/do what I'm feeling and what I want because I want to know always that I have the upper hand in a situation before doing anything. I've broken my own rule so far, I've made the first move... and second. Well, if you think about it... I didn't really make the first move, but I reciprocated very positively. That was in stage one. Now we've progressed to stage two, and I've made the first and second moves. I've done what I think is my duty, and I've gotten no reciprocation. Now I went ahead with the moves knowing full well that I had absolutely no clue what the turn out was going to be. Stupid me. Very very very uncharacteristically me. But hey, live a little. I'm trying to change and be bold. Not paying off very well, I'll say. But anyhow, I've made my moves, the ball is no longer in my court anymore, all I can do is wait. I will not make anymore moves because that would just undermine my position. Yes, I will stand firm, even though I'm in jelly mode. Aaaack, hate this shit.I desperately need a night of proper sleep. Three big nights in a row. I'm getting old. I don't think I've ever had this much alcohol in my body, ever. I'm probably exhaling fumes which could kill the plants growing on the walls. Oh hell, I say. Live a little. I don't think there's ever going to be another weekend like this one, so party and be merry while it lasts, that's what I say!
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