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Monday, May 08, 2006
Sitting on the looThere's nothing much to doI think I'll do a pooIt makes me think of you~ Hermione, LovepukeDay 2 of finishing Lovepuke and I'm sitting at home at 730pm, feeling all weird that I have nothing to do(well, I really have a lot of things to do, but I'm just lazy and couldn't get down to doing them cuz they're not fun stuff. I could think about my PER piece. I could rehearse it at home, alone. I could finish reading The Chairs and do my set design on it. I could draw up the floor plan and elevations and think about costuming and lighting. I could do my actor journal and reflective essay and draw on much-much-wiped-away-from-memory from Alice in Wonderland). But nah, I'd rather sit here and think on how I have nothing fun to do. Had a long chat with Jenni from 4-6pm. We both miss Lovepuke. I miss talking about people whom we shared experiences with. I miss gossiping and psycho-analyzing people who psycho-analyze us. I miss speculating on stuff. I miss raunchy jokes. I miss saying and hearing totally inappropriate sexual comments that roll off our tongues as easily as saying 'I don't like beetroot' and everyone being all nonchalent about it when the people in the library around us just now were all freaking out as we were chatting. I miss the shocking comments that McBurnie says so nonchalently, matter-of-factly and wondering why we're shocked. I miss Greg's intellectual challenges and teasing. I miss Liam's affectionate snuggles. I miss Jenni's wide-eyed enthusiasm and acceptance. I miss Skelly's bitchiness. I miss Sarah's honesty and openness. I miss acting out someone who's got a perfect life. I miss the passion McBurnie and I shared on stage. I miss pashing McBurnie. I miss our lil in-jokes. I miss Glen, Hermione, Ivan, Janice, Kevin, Louise, Nathan and Miss Director. I miss Greg, Lauren, Liam, Jenni, Ben, Sarah, McBurnie and Sarah. I miss waking up in the morning with the knowledge that there's something for me to look forward to in the evening. I miss the fulfilment I carry in my heart when I return home at 1am after a fun night's show and chilling out at Pancake Parlour after. I miss going to bed and knowing that I'll wake up looking forward to the day's show. I miss my own purposefulness. I miss having people around me. Going from never having a moment to myself at all, to suddenly having all the time in the world to myself is weird. I'm not feeling lonely, no. I'm just feeling empty. There is a difference. I need someone, or some people, to share my days with.But that's what shows are like, that's what people do. They drift in and out of each others lives. A girl from Rhinoceros was in the library too, and Jenni and I both chatted with her for a bit. It felt strange, like making conversation. We used to have to much fun. Now we're like acquaintances. I don't want to lose that with the Lovepukers. But I know it's bound to happen. How sad is that? That something we live for so fervently one day could just as easily turn to a mere whisper of memories the next. I'm just a weak person really. I'm sick of studying. I want to do shows, revel in the thrill of doing show after show. How great will that be? I'm so excited by that prospect, yet I know it's a helluva huge dream to dream. I can only draw on my faith for support really.I really could use a bit of McBurnie right now.
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