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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Lapping up the Loneliness with a Resignated Heart.It seems as if recently, I've opened up the dam to my heart. On the daily level, I am more satisfied, happier, more content, more comfortable and confident of myself and my surroundings. By the same token, I feel and cry more easily. Just watching a performance and hearing the character on stage say that her husband has cancer and she can't imagine life without him is enough to make me cry. A boy recounting his relationship with his father makes me cry. A beautiful piece of music makes me cry. Yet I'm not ashamed of crying. I used to be, but now I accept it readily. This is who I am, and I can't help the way I feel. Al beit I feel silly most times, but it's not something I can help. I am still the same old me. The Me that is still empty on the inside and searching for fulfilment. The Me that doesn't like going home to an empty home in the evenings. The Me that wants to just chill and hang with friends. Yet by the same token, I've come to accept whatever's thrown at me, or whatever I'm thrown into. I've acquiesced. Life is what you get, and I'm not going to be throwing myself against hard brick walls to fight for my rights, my wants, my needs. I just take what I can get and make happy with it. Things are easier that way. I guess. Contentment comes at a mild price, no?
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