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Friday, May 26, 2006
Back on Planet LovepukeSo it is that 18days (really? I thought it felt like a month or so) after we bump out, we have another get together, and as the cards would have it, the same people turned up as the previous time, don't get me wrong, the others said they'd come, but work got to them, a mysterious cough that went away miraculously the next day, essays, the usual.It was a good night, being around real eople. I really want to develop the friendships that we have, we get along very fine, and I can see myself forging long lasting friendships with a few of them, yet everyone's so busy with uni and work, and the extra effort to establish and maintain a new friendship is too hard to keep up. I guess these gatherings will just have to suffice. Although I have to add, 'Give me back my black (and white) t-shirt, you bitch' Ha, in-joke.'Developments with McBurnie'. I feel really bad and indulgent, as people come asking me bout what's going on with me and him, and I ask them what they've heard, and we talk, rah-rah-rah. It's as if I'm centering in on me, and not really giving much to them. Yesterday:7 conversations with different people (in 4 hrs, feeling like a bit of an anti-social here)6 conversations were concerned with filling people in on the Lovepuke night which they missed, or were not a part of5 conversations contained the above-mentioned topic of McBurnie and me (M&M, for short)4 hrs in uni, where all this took place (had to repeat it just for the sake of the numerical running order)3 conversations had M&M as the central themeI really think I'm starting to become that self-indulgent person that I'm trying not to be. But when you're steeped in an environment where everyone wants to have a say and everyone's clamouring for attention, you find yourself constantly giving and giving, and before long you find you need some attention too because you've always been giving and not receiving much. So you start by over-compensating on all the lost time and attention, and before long, you realise you've become self-indulgent and selfish. I need to hold back, ration it out. Find myself and my footing.This is not who you are. Don't become a sponge. ~ The dearly departed Aunt Serene whom I will always love and think on her words of wisdom. God bless her soul. Well, in defence of myself, it's not as if I just started talking bout M&M out of nowhere, it's just that one thing led to another, and now a couple of things point toward M&M, and hence everyone's asking/talking about it. I myself honestly have no clue as to where it's all headed. Well, that's a lie. I do, but I'm not sure if it's gonna head where it's supposed to. Does that make sense? Barely. Ah but it's a long story, and I'm not going to go into all the details. Not everyone loves a bit of overly juicy goss. Well, some people live for it, most people just hear it and dismiss it and/or spread it, and exaggerate it. Ahh the beauty of human nature. It's like when Stanley tells Blanche 'We've had this date coming from the start.' I honestly feel like that's M&M, that is, if anything ever turns out. We'll see.It's a tough call, do you review you own naivety in such a cut-throat world and learn the trade and jump on the band-wagon to keep yourself from going crazy? Or do you hold onto it strong and fast, and hold out for other naivettes to come along and embrace them tightly?
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