|
|
| |
|
 |
| |
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I just need to hang on in there, when things start rolling it'll all be ok. Hopefully.Wed night : Audition No. 1 - 2 contrasting songs. Physical work. 1 hr.Fri : I find out how I fared for Audition No. 1, which by the way, happens to be a Chinese musical.Fri noon : Audition No. 2 - One monologue; 2 contrasting deliveries. 30mins.Sat afternoon : Audition No. 3 - 2 contrasting monologues. One talent to be on display for a minute. 2 hrs.Somehow they seem less intimidating on the monitor screen. Yet I can't shake off the dread that shadows my thoughts, the nagging voice that tells me that I need a production. But in the long run, I need all the audition experience I can get, yet they fucking scare me to shits. So help me God. Gather up my talent and lay bare whatever I have to deliver. I want to dazzle. Correction, I need to dazzle. Because if I don't dazzle, what else have I got?Checklist thus far : nada. It's already Tuesday night, and I haven't got a single clue what I'm gonna be doing for all those auditions. I so need to get off my ass. Personal checklist : Remember to enjoy and have fun, that's the key. The audience knows if you'r having fun or not.
Monday, February 27, 2006
I think the one thing that I need now, more than anything, is assurance; assurance that I will do well for my degree; assurance that things will not get too hectic and too much to cope this semester and that I will do well; assurance that my craft is good enough to get me a role so I won't fail my subject; assurance that I won't get a shitty group for my other subject; assurance that my coursemates do like me and think I'm special and think I'm great to work with and wanna work with me or else I'll have to work on my own and devise a shit horrible piece; assurance that I am loved; assurance that above all, I am a special and unique person who is treasured, and who has an impact on the people around her. And I'm not talking just empty flippant verbal assurance, I'm talking loud, strong, physical assurances, and I'm seeing none in the horizon.To seem less greedy, the most pressing matter right now, is the fact that I wanna know if I should continue on my chosen career path, because if I can't even get myself a role for a module for uni, how can I even talk about landing roles to sustain me further on in life?This is too darn fucking depressing.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
The things you want always come back to you when you cease to crave them, yet at the moment of the gravest intensity it always seems as if it just so unattainable.I want what I lack, yet I'm afraid I might lose it and fall back into deeper nothingness.My hands are still empty, and for how much longer? You just can't win, can you?
Thursday, February 09, 2006
And the footsteps move on.Yet the heart still lingers, casting back a forlorn melancholy look every so often. I don't think I'll ever get over it fully, I'll never be able to amply mourn my loss, yet I must not see it that way, for it is nobody's loss, but her gain.I bite my tongue and patiently await the day when this family opens its eyes and bares its heart and offers it all upon Him. Everytime I am confronted with her memory, the knowledge that I wasn't there to say my goodbye plagues my heart.Why is it that this family stubbornly clings unto their empty traditions and refuse to to touched and enlightened? It pains me that with every effort, the same resilient stone face is met.How? When? are the two questions to which the answers I yearn for.Oh let me pour forth my tiny bursting heart, that I may bring this sorrow to its resolution and rejoice in the peace and bliss that now enfolds this beautiful person who is now in the embrace she so deserves. Let me open the flood gates, that I may cleanse my heart of its agony and learn to start anew. Heart of my own heart, whatever befalls, Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.For we are all imperfect and bound to mistakes; can they not see that? Why dwell upon the small fractures and fail to appreciate the beauty of the full picture? I'm so sick of all the petty squabbling and nasty comments. Can we not get together as one and give thanks for the existence of such a wonderful person in our lives?For my family will come home. To Him. But some prejudices are etched so deep that with each word that is uttered, I feel like a knife is being wrenched from my heart. I'm just so tired of all this scepticism and cynicism. Someone lend me some strength, I feel my faith dimmed in this bombardment of sorts. It's me against every one else. How can I speak?
|
|
 |
|
 | |
|
