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Tuesday, November 01, 2005
It's terrible when you're feeling something you shouldn't be feeling, yet you can't help it, and you don't want to indulge it yet it feels so right, yet wrong at the same time. And your mind is telling you to turn and walk away, because this is not what you want, it's not what you were looking for; you wanted something more.I feel like such a shallow bitch. I don't even deserve what I'm feeling, and I certainly don't deserve more. I just want some clear answers, and a beacon to guide me, that's all I'm asking for, for the way to be lighted. I just can't grope around in the dark forever, it's killing me slowly, and I'm losing faith in myself and in what I believe in.Just as Odysseus had to bear the many years of wanderings, lost at sea and bracing the storms and the gods before returning home to Ithaca, I feel as if I'm being put to test, and I have to pass the many trials and tribulations before finally finding my peace. Before I can come to terms with myself, and with the people and happenings around me. I feel like I'm on board a vessel that's lost at sea and everyone on board is dead and I'm the only one left alive, knowing and facing an impending doom, yet still hoping against hope for that remote possibility of a different outcome.
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