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Thursday, September 29, 2005
I don't think I'm a very nice person anymore. I think bad thoughts when I shouldn't, and when everyone else is around me has nasty sentiments regarding something and I share it, I actively portray my nastiness.
I was so close to picking a fight with a cast member today after our final dress run. Not because I'm a bitch or he's a dickhead, which he is, but simply cuz, well... he's a total dickhead.
I gaining a bit of a nasty streak. And the worst thing is, I like indulging it. I like being nasty to nasty people. Which shouldn't be the way. But sometimes they really have it coming.
I'm wayyyyy past the stage of feeling sorry for him, I've reached the 'just stay the fuck away from me and I'll pretend you don't exist, but if you disagree with me or even think about touching me I will so give you a roundhouse in the testicles' stage.
I gave him the attitude today, in front of the full cast, and I refused to hi-five him when we were going down the line hi-fiving everyone. I don't fucking give a damn. He's repulsive, and that's that. We've got two people standing at the top of a structure that is bloody wobbly and the prospect of falling is so high, and you say stupid things like 'it's gotta shake to look believeable'... like seriously, what the fuck are you doing in performing arts? Fucking think mate, Acting = Pretending. Dickhead. If anything is priority number one, that's 'Health and Safety', fuckwit.
That aside, Parade goes on tomorrow. It's been an awesome 4months of rehearsals, tedious at times, but it's all gonna be worth it, it's gonna be a fucking amazing show, and I'm not gonna let any halffuck ruin it. I will make sure everything runs smoothly, and people don't jeopardize the show, or else I swear I will crack it. I don't feel the emotion anymore, it's gone on too long and I'm kinda sick of it ehehe but I do know that I haven't gone thru this much to let this show be a let down. It's going to be amazing. Simply because it's a wonderfully beautiful story, and we owe it to the script and the real people who suffered the injustices nearly a century ago.
And I've got an audition on Friday that I really wanna make an impression in. But I haven't even chosen my monologue. Not to mention that it's Shakespeare, gulp.
But all's good. It's back to uni after this weekend, and essays galore. Back to drudgery. Unless I get into the productions, which will be awesome. But til then.
But all else aside, I'm still relatively happy.
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