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Sunday, September 18, 2005
I am very, very, tremendously annoyed right now. Annoyed at myself. At my flaccid niceness. At my stupid inability to say 'No'. At how disgustingly selfish people can be. At how blindingly blatently inconsiderate they can get. At the inefficiency of the system. At the ridiculous rules and regulations of the system. At my own fear and inertia to do anything about it. Instead of doing something, here I am, having a whinge and taking it out upon myself, punishing my body by pigging out on a whole tub of ice cream and then having another whinge about it later on and having to pay for the unhealthiness and extra pounds. Two fucking parking fines in two weeks. What the fuck. It's a fucking stupid idea to have a theatre built in an area that only allows permit parking. Where the hell are the theatregoers expected to park? Under the tree? And they say they support the arts. Right. To top that off, I have officially been in the red in the accounts, and now some stories have to be cooked up bout why the money's been spent so quickly when the truth is that I have been doing nothing but scrimping and saving the past weeks and being fucking drained and tired. Why do people not think about others before they act?? How the hell and I supposed to get my fucking car into the parking space when it's up next to the wall; the driveway is shitarse narrow; and the car next to my alloted space has it's fucking hood sticking out of its fucking space?? Seriously, FUCKING THINK MATE. YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY FUCKER LIVING IN THIS FLAT. As if the humungous SUV wasn't enough already. Also, why can't I fucking learn to say 'no'??? It's bloody 9pm, I've an essay due tomoro that I haven't started a single word on, I've finished watching a play that's 2mins away from home, and someone asks if I can drive them home. You fucking say 'no' to them. On a normal day I'd say 'yes' willingly, but seriously, I know public transport is crap on a Sunday night, but I've got a fucking assignment due tomorrow that I haven't started on, and you're asking me if I can drive you all the fucking way home???? That took me all of 40mins, and that's because I was fucking driving like a maniac. Doing 150 on the freeway, that's not cool, but seriously, at least it helps in calming me down and relaxing the nerves, it's cathartic, except for the possibility that I might get pulled over, and get yet another fucking driving speeding fine slapped on top of the existing two parking fines. It's not that I mind driving all the way, but at least a show of gratitude would be good, like offering me petrol money?? Every dickhead around knows petrol prices are sky high, and it's not as if I'm some fucking millionaire's daughter. Jesus. Not that I want the petrol money, it's just the thought that counts, know? Am I like everyone's personal chauffer??? Fucking hell. People are starting to seriously annoy the hell out of me. Myself included. I just wanna go on a rampage and start destroying everyone and everything in sight. Starting with myself first, loading up with ice cream and chocolates and alcohol and tobacco, then moving on to crash and burn with Ryan, and maybe doing more physical damage to myself in the process. Only cuz doing harm to myself means I'm taking it out upon myself, and I don't have to hurt others, cuz I'm a bigtime wuss.Fuck I disgust me.
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