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Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Hamartia
Every hero has his fatal flaw: Agamemnon had his pride, Achilleus had his anger, Odysseus had his scheming mind. Me? I have Greed. I want it all, I do. The me of yesteryear would spit at the feet of the me now. All that talk of living for my art and for love, money not mattering to me, not falling prey to materialism and consumerism... That's all gone now. Today a Porsche Carrera zoomed past on the freeway and I ached to catch up with it. Keeping half an eye on it while it was 2 cars ahead, and a slight triumphant smile surfaced on overtaking it, congratulating myself on my good driving skills. As the Carrera pulled up alongside, a sideward glance revealed an Asian dude taking a drag from his ciggie. The heart palpitations increased. What exactly am I doing to myself? To what degree is this obssession to get to? If someone buys me a Maserati, I'd be putty. Not for who he is, but for what he has. A friend commented that I'm high maintenance, I didn't use to think so, but lately, I'm starting to see his point. Where is the harm in wanting to be pampered and not have to worry incessantly about making ends meet? Doesn't everyone want to live in luxury and abundance? It's not as if I'd look down on others or keep all the wealth to myself, I'd share my wealth, support a kid in a third world country, make frequent donations. So why am I ashamed of this materialism that fills my being?
Independence
Everyone's got to learn how to stand on their own eventually, and the last three days have been good. It's amazing how we tend to take the people closest to us for granted. And how we miss the inconveniences we used to complain about. Being independent's more than just a physical state of being, it's a mental state of mind. The next 6 weeks are going to be a challenge, being on my own for the first time ever, not having any friends or family close at hand to fall back on, this is going to be one helluva ride, and I'm gonna emerge victorious, knowing that I can count on Him to hold my hand and guide me through this trial.
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