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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
How do you pretend not to give a damn what the whole damn world thinks about you?
How do you pretend to not give a damn about the whole damn world when the whole damn world doesn't give a dam about you?
It's hard when you feel like you don't matter, cuz the fact is that you're really nothing to anyone.
And that crap about chasing your dreams,
Draw the dream,
And the dream will be drawn to you,
All a bunch of Bull. Sorry TAC, it was good and inspirational while it held truth, but fact is, it's all idealistic crap; either that, or it's one of those myths you tell teens, hoping the special gifted ones will eventually carve a niche for themselves.
It's hard convincing someone of something they don't believe in. It's harder still to rekindle that flame of truth when it's blown out.
Life never was an easy road, but it sucks when the realisation that it's a lonesome journey sinks in, when the delusion and idealism is worn away by the harsh reality.
Cynicism doesn't work miracles, but at least it gets things done, and keeps your feet grounded and prevents you from being lifted onto silly flights of fancy.
Noone's gonna put out for you no matter how sweet, innocent or naive you are, evryone's got their ideal colleague in mind, and you're never gonna fill those shoes no matter how hard you try. Fact is, it doesn't exist.
It's the times when you need reassurance and guidance the msot that it turns a blind eye and leaves you high and dry, to crash and burn.
I've never understood what it means when they say 'When the going gets tough, the tough get going', which says a lot, How can you be something you don't understand?
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Why is it that when you start to think that Life is beautiful and great shit comes along and breaks you up and leaves you hanging high and dry? And just when everything seems to be nothing but a cesspool and you think that's all there is to mankind, a random act of selfless kindness regenerates your lost belief. Why are such cruel games played on us? There is a constant struggle within me to trust and believe in the essential goodness of man, yet time and time again I am let down and disappointed, thrown about and discarded like useless clay.
Just as how we are all dichotimic characters and we require that certain tension within us to survive, to equate the balance of mankind and nature. But couldn't that balance be more clearly drawn out for us? So that we can stop hopping around on one leg, desperately trying to find our spot of gravity?
I find myself more and more distanced from people. Their pain, their joy; it's all just another paragraph of Life. My grief, my happiness; just another nameless person in a faceless world.
Enough is never enough. Good is never good. Bad is never bad.
It's all relative.
So why am I clutching onto my jaded heart in the corner?
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