The current mood of dyseluxon@hotmail.com at www.imood.com

 
The Big Bag of Random Stuff
 

 
We weren't born with a name, we were given a name. A hedgehog doesn't have a name. It's just a nameless thing with a handful of flesh and skin and a beating heart. A hedgehog doesn't even know it doesn't have a name.
 
 
   
 
Friday, December 10, 2004
 
Chapter 20.1

What is this I'm lacking?
Direction.
What else?
Determination.

I need to stop doubting myself and start believing. Stop settling for whatever comes my way and start being specific and strict with what I want.
I need to believe that I am worth it.
I need to believe that I can do it.
I need to believe that I am special.
Above all, I need to believe that there is a certain role in the cosmos for me to fill that noone else can.

I say, 'Don't you know?'
You say, 'You don't know.'
I say, 'Take me out.'
- Take Me Out, Franz Ferdinand

But how do you narrow down your prospects when you don't even have a clue as to what you want?

I am not content with merely being part of the puzzle. I want to be a prominant center piece. I need to feel my worth. Don't be mistaken, it's not histrionism. I just need assurance. Don't we all? I just choose to seek it on the road less travelled.
But it seems that even the path's too narrow for my baggage, and fraught with left-overs from the previous seekers that it's become an obstacle for me. I want to thrash on, yet I'm afraid I might be disappointed at the end. But I've gone too far to turn back. Or have I? I need a sign, a guiding light, a friendly face, someone to hold my hand and walk with me when it gets tedious and rocky.
Or maybe I'm just not looking in the right places for the signs.

 

 
   
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