'Almost. It's the saddest word in the English language.'
- Smitten, David Furhmann-Lim

It's petrifying when you know you're standing at Death's door, yet you can't let go of Life's lifeline and step over the threshold into Eternity.
How does one feel when one knows they're dying, and that it's only a matter of time? You know there's eternal bliss awaiting you on the other side of the door, yet all that you care for lies behind you and tugs at your with all its might. It's more than a catch22 isn't it? It's definitely a hell lot heavier than a chicken-and-egg situation.
To make matters more complex, you have absolutely no idea what's wrong with you. Your body is failing you and you have no idea why. The one thing you can be sure of, and you're not sure anymore.
What would I do if I were in that situation?? I honestly have no idea. For one, I wouldn't have the strength and courage to live on. I can't even be strong for the people I love. How can I expect to be strong for myself? Don't miracles exist anymore? There was a period of time when it seemed as if they were beginning to get back in the trend. Apparently not. It's all downhill from here. I can only look on.

They do say the sky is the darkest before the dawn.
But what if you don't live to see the dawn?

I'll be your wild flower
Grown through the concrete

You're just a stupid guy,
Crushed like a butterfly
Dead-eyed at the drive-by
- Untitled, Suede

What does one do to deserve the suffering one doesn't deserve? It's not up to me to decide who deserves what, but I do know this much, Just let the pain end, please. It's the things we're not aware of that scare us the most.

To the one I love that loves Him so

I can see me loving nobody but you for all my life
When you're with me baby the skies will be blue for all my lfe
Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be the only one for me is you
So happy together
- So Happy Together, The Beatles

It all hasn't sunk in yet... Maybe I'm hoping for a miracle; maybe I'm still holding on to the past; maybe I haven't seen enough of reality to believe; maybe I just don't wanna believe it; maybe the truth's too hard for me to accept.
Or maybe I know what's awaiting.
Either way, prepare my heart.