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We weren't born with a name, we were given a name. A hedgehog doesn't have a name. It's just a nameless thing with a handful of flesh and skin and a beating heart. A hedgehog doesn't even know it doesn't have a name.
 
 
   
 
Friday, October 08, 2004
 
1605hours, Friday, October 08, 2004.

Sitting at home on a Friday afternoon, 4.05pm.
It's nice and cool outside, with a fresh breeze blowing and the sun occasionally peeking out from behind the clouds.
I want to go out, do something, yet this inertia keeps me from experiencing. No doubt there are countless things I could do: go visit a coursemate at the shop she's started working in; go check out the sale at Target and Myer; buy dynamo; get a new bottle of make-up remover; casually saunter into Prime and see if Geoff's working today and desperately hope something comes out of it; catch a movie, there so many movies I haven't seen and want to see......

Yet here I am, sitting at home in front of my laptop, blogging.

And it's not like I don't want to get out and enjoy myself, I do, it's just... laziness.
The house has gotten so comforting, just sitting in front of tha laptop, listening to music and playing games. That's something I could get used to. No rejection from my laptop, no awkwardness between us, no forced conversations. Just a mutual trust and companionship.

I'm looking for a friend, but I'm not looking to make one. I just want to skip the whole 'getting to know each other' bit. Cut straight to phase two. Impossible, I know. But I couldn't be bothered. I've been here before, and I can go through it again. No biggie. It's a lonely existence, but it's safe.

I'm too exhausted, too jaded, too tired to try. I've got people who love me for who I am, though they're scattered throughout a few continents. Whether things'll change with time, I'm not sure. But for now, I'm content, and I don't feel the need to venture further than I have to. Either way, I know I haven't found what I'm looking for, and I'm still looking. Around me and within me.

 

 
   
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