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Thursday, July 29, 2004
i can't go on like this
Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would
A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things
Blessed are the shallow
Depth they're never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide
If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...
...frail
- 'Frail', Jars of Clay
the agony of not knowing
the anticipation of finding out
the anguish in knowing
and the tears that burn within.....
will this be my story? how did i get myself into this mess? was it worth it?
the cons seem to outweigh the pros
'What are you trying to do?'
'I'm tempting myself.'
such sillyness, to push ourselves and test our limits..... no wonder we faltered.....
Saturday, July 24, 2004
'You broke another mirror
You're turning into something you're not
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry'
- 'High and Dry' Radiohead
yes, don't leave me high and dry please
i am the very person i try to keep away from........
how does one run away from themself?
yes, how do i live with myself? i'm struggling to find out...... 'how do i live with myself?' very aptly put, i couldn't have said it better if i wanted to........
'What just happened?'
silence
'I don't know...'
'What do you mean it doesn't change a thing?'
...because it changes everything....
a great big hidden ball of mess arisen from a scattering of leftovers and indulgences
does anybody understand?
why is it that what's bad is usually unusually good? to knowingly do something you know is wrong is twice as bad, what then if you don't feel bad after? you know you've done something you shouldn't have done, yet you wanted it and saw it coming yet did nothing to prevent, instead, you encouraged it, and when the time came for repentence you feel nothing but indifference....what has happened? why do you feel not like the greatest sinner, but rather, like the starved man who drinks from the well...... is it such a terrible sin to give in to pleasure? to do what the body tells you to? why do we stand to face the judgement and opinions of others who are far from perfect themselves? why must everything we do be dictated by social norms and rules? can we not decide for ourselves what's good and what's not? or have i lost myself along the way?
human beings crave for the tangible, the physical, what they can see, feel, and touch
Friday, July 23, 2004
is there more to life than e endless daily routine of work work study study chores chores?
what exactly are we living for?
why do we do e things we do?
why do we crave for social acceptance?
does one form of comfort have to equate to another form of comfort?
can being comfortable mean u're not fully urself, but still comfortable?
what does it mean to be comfortable?
what does it mean to be graceful?
what does it mean to be human?
why are we put through such ardous tasks each day only to overcome or succumb, then go through the same trials day after day, only in different forms?
i don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
you couldn't stand to be near me
when my face don't seem to wanna shine cuz it's a little bit dirty
well don't just stand there
say nice things to me
cuz i've been cheated i've been wronged
you don't know me
well i can't change, i won't do anything at all
- 'Push' Matchboxtwenty
why do we seek out perfection? why couldn't we be content with what we're given? why don't we understand that we ourselves are far from perfection, and what gives us a right to seek someone who is perfect?
'perfect' doesn't exist, when will i realise that?
i fear for myself
she said i don't know if i've ever been good enough
i'm a little bit rusty and i think my head is caving in
and i don't if i've ever been really loved by a hand that's touched me
i feel like something's gonna give and i'm a little bit angry
- 'Push', Matchboxtwenty
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
whatever happened to chivalry? whatever happened to e good old days when men were gentlemanly and courteous? whatever happened to the days when men knew their place and their boundaries?
with all the charms of a woman
you've kept the secret of your youth
you led me to believe you're old enough to give me love
and now it hurts to know the truth
young girl, get out of my mind
my love for you is way out of line
better run girl, you're much too young girl
beneath your perfume and make-up
you're just a baby in disguise
and though you know that it's wrong to be alone with me
that come-on look is in your eyes
so hurry home to your mama
i'm sure she wonders where you are
get out of here before i have the time to change my mind
cuz i'm afraid we'll go too far
- 'Young Girl'
Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friends place
Thinkin’ about you
Thinkin’ of the crowd you’re in
What you up too where you been?
Just thinkin
And all the clothes that you wear
And the colors in your hair
Shouldn’t change you
Now you tell me why it’s so
You're bigger than mighty Joe
At lest you think so
God my fingers burn
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down
Plant your feet back on the ground
Throw my smoke down on the ground
Turn my head and I heard the sound
That reminded me
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to meet
At lest I thought so
Now you think you're so damn fine
You can rule the world no not mine
I don’t think so
Now the scene that you’re in
And the people that you been with
Just get to me
But you think I’m not as cool
As you are so beautiful
Well who you fooling?
Well I’m here to tell you babe
The game you're in is just a game
So damn pretentious
God my fingers burn
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down
Plant yoo ur feet back on the ground
You think you’re so beautiful
So beautiful
- 'So Beautiful' , Pete Murray
the thought of being estranged by someone; of estranging someone, burns.......
please don't let me be the person he's singing about one day, no, not me, don't let me fall any deeper to e claws of such superficiality
'After a night's sleep the news is as indispensible as the breakfast. "Pray tell me anything new that has happened to any man anywhere on this globe," - and he reads it over his coffee and rolls, that a man has had his eyes gouged out this morning on the Wachito River; never dreaming the while that he lives in the dark infathomed mammoth cave of this world, and has but the rudiment of an eye himself.'
'To a philosopher all news, as it is called, is gossip, and they who edit and read it are old women over their tea.'
'Shams and delusions are esteemed for soundest truths, while reality is fabulous. If men would steadily observe realities only, and not allow themselves to be deluded, life, to compare it with such things as we know, would be like a fairy tale and the Arabian Nights' Entertainments. If we respected only what is inevitable and has a right to be, music and poetry would resound along the streets. When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadows of the reality. This is always exhilarating and sublime. By closing the eyes and slumbering, and consenting to be deceived by shows, men establish and confirm their daily life of routine everywhere, which still is built on purely illusory foundations. Children, who play life, discern its true law and relations more clearly than men, who fail to live it worthily, but who think that they are wiser by experience, that is, by failure.'
- Walden
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
-Song of the Week-
'Faith' - George Michael
Well I guess it would be nice
If I could touch your body
I know not everybody
Has got a body like you
But I've got to think twice
Before I give my heart away
And I know all the games you play
Because I play them too
Oh but I need some time off from that emotion
Time to pick my heart up off the floor
And when that love comes down without devotion
Well it takes a strong man baby
But I'm showing you the door
Cause I've gotta have faith
Baby
I know you're asking me to stay
Say please please please don't go away
You say I'm giving you the blues
Maybe
You mean every word you say
Can't help but think of yesterday
And another one who tied me down to
Loverboy rules
Before this river becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider my foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more
Yes I've gotta have faith
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
When I have met an immigrant tottering under a bundle which contained his all,-looking like an enormous when which had grown out of the nape of his neck.-I have pitied him, not because that was his all, but because he had all that to carry. If I have got to drag my trap, I will take care that it will be a light one and do not nip me in a vital part. But perchance it would be wisest never to put one's paw into it.
- 'Walden' , Henry David Thoreau
it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for the rich man to get into the gates of heaven.
how true is that?
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