am i losing my grounding?

i know this sounds damn selfish, but how long will i be able to keep taking in all the lament coming my way? will e day come when i just snap?

i know he's done so muichy for me, that he's been real nice to me and settling all my stuff for me and all, and gettin all my furniture even before i came over so i'd have evrything fully done for me when i arrive.... ...... but e thing is, i'm already compromisinug so much now........... e only activity he does is shop. no coffee no movies no hanging out no chilling out no drinking no clubbing no pubbin no partyin no having fun no adventure no concerts no gigs no events no festivals no plays no shows.
just plain shopping.
and im not like that! i like to coffee w friends, i like to watch movies, i like to check out new stuff, i love going for gigs, plays, concerts, events, music festivals, outdoor gigs, pubs, live bands,,,,,,,,,,,,, and i have to compromise and give it all up.......... why do i have to make all e compromises? cuz i'm e less anal one

while we were walking to e tram stop to catch a tram home we passed by e city square and a band was playing and i really really wanted to just stay and watch and listen and feel satisfied...... i cant remember e last time i heard a real life band playin truly feel good jazzy numbers, complete with trumpets and all....... and i wanted so bad to reconnect with that part of my life that i had left behind and hadn';t picked up, but he just wanted to go straight home........... my hint just fell flat, just like that.............. and after dinner i was dying to go for a drink, was so in e mood..... e first time i;ve been out in e city at night, and i wanna have a feel of what it's like over here, to try and pick up e pieces of my past lifestyle, but cuz im e only one who feels that way, im overruled........ i feel so empty, so unsatisfied, so shortchanged

why is it that i never seem to b on e receiving end of sth that i always try to accommodate ppl? i find myself always compromising, and never once having things my way without having to fight for it myself.........

i'm so tired. everyday, the same topics seem to e floating in e air, and im always listening, or tryin to listen, trying to b e nice person and patronising.......... but e point im tryin to make never gets drilled in,,,,,,, 'yah, i know what u mean'...... how many times have i heard that phrase? only to have it repeated to me a few days later? not evrything's about u, and everyone can have their own opinion and thoughts bout things that u find don't reconcile with urs......... that's just too bad............. it's so so draining having to pretend to listen to e same things day in day out, repeating e same things to u dya in day out, telling u that ur idea of fashion and ur friends ideas of fashion dun necessarily have to b e same; that u cant judge ur good friend based on ur standards; that u're not perfect; that clothes arent everything; that ur friends can have their own style and thinking; that just cuz they're willing to spend money on different things as u doesnt mean they're not being money-wise; thatyou can't expect ppl to act e way u wld want them to; that ppl are selfish; that money isnt evrything; that money doesnt make e world go round; that i am sick and tired of hearing e same old things over and over again and having to tell u to snap out of ur lil fantasy world.

im always accommodating, i try to please ur evry whim and fancy........ when i dun see things ur way i dun slam ur views......... y cant u try and do e same? y cant u try and play along w me? y cant u accept that we have different lifestyles and i need to break out of e one u're living in? that i am bloody stifled and im suffocating to death cooped 24/7 in e house.......... just cuz u think coffee gigs live bands pubbin clubbin partying drinking hanging out w friends making friends being active in sch having a life going for e happening interesting events in town are boring and a waste of time and money doesant necessarily mean i have to think likewise. i have my own life and dont try to enforce ur life and views on me. there is only so much i can take, and i do not want to break and snap at u cuz it's not gona b pretty and i'm doing all i can to preserve things and keep em hunky dory. don't make me ruin things. i am all bent out of shape and doing my best, don't presume i have to follow ur trail. it's tough having to make e transition frm having no cares in e world and doing what i want, to having to think twice bout what i wanan do cuz it'll affect both of us and thinking bout e effects on u of whatever i do. not all things spin ur way, u have to compromise some day too......... e world doesnt revolve around u
i feel like i'm losing my identity, my spirit, my fire. it's a liability
i'm a selfish person, i wnat to do whatever i want whenever i want without needing to think bout what u're gonna say cuz it's my life and i want to make e best out of it. dont judge me based on what u like or dislike. it's not fair to me.
so tired so so tired
y can't i just be totally selfish and do what i want to and be my own person? liabilities suck
please give me strength to either endure, or .... i dunno