figure i'm blogging excessively now cuz a) it gives me something to do so i won't have to face the dread of packing. b) i'm catching up on e lost time of my comp crashing and me not being able to use e comp. c) i'm too free and have got nothing on my hands, which is pure crap cuz i shld b packing.....

went back to school today to wish lofty a happy birthday..... it's funny howu feel so at home with each other, with ppl u've spent 1,2 years of your grueling school days with and yet u can speak barely 20lines to each other before they take off..........

e yr1s sang some crappy song they composed for lofty on e guitar..... funnily, watching em and laughing at em along w e rest of e tchers and old tsdians hooting their heads of at e pure ridicularity of e situation, i found myself feeling e camaraderie of e yr1s, and remembering how it felt in yr1 for me...... it's almost as if i felt, not saw, my yr1 memories flash past my heart, and i just couldn't stop e outpour of emotions..... tears just welled up unwillingly, as if on cue, and they were happy tears........ not tears of sadness that i'd b leaving this happy family behind; not tears of fearful ambiguity that i'd have to start anew, ground-zero in a new land; not tears of regret that things'll never be the same............. but tears of joy, joy at e remembrance of e happy times and glad memories i experienced in e past 3 years w my dear tsd mates and e precious tsd tchers...... tears of contentment that i had something wonderful and exclusive to hold onto as i move on with e new phase of my life........... i still don't feel e anticipation and eagerness, nor e fear or e uncertainty of leaving for a foreign beginning..... still deciding if i'm in denial; lagging; filling up like a dam ready to explode; numb from the avalanche of activities; just plain stronger emotionally, or e other myraid of reasons.......... sigh........ too much to feel and experience and think, too little an outlet to express, too little ways of expression........ least i took a great deciding step for e mind : i got me my laptop, finally.......... after montyhs of procrastination....... a tiny step towards my physical preparations for melbourne, one great leap for my mental preparation.........