The current mood of dyseluxon@hotmail.com at www.imood.com

 
The Big Bag of Random Stuff
 

 
We weren't born with a name, we were given a name. A hedgehog doesn't have a name. It's just a nameless thing with a handful of flesh and skin and a beating heart. A hedgehog doesn't even know it doesn't have a name.
 
 
   
 
Friday, September 19, 2003
 
"... I should think more. I don't think enough. People say so much at these parties, they say a lot. I'm just in it for the... I don't know..."

it really makes u wonder where all these people's thoughts come from......... it's like they spring from a never-ending source of thoughts and observations and memories........... me? i feel like a cipher............ is it cuz i'm still green? of is it cuz my mind's just 'not there'? i don't remem much bout e plays i've watched, i don't think much bout e books i've read and e plays i've watched......... if thoughts occur to me while/after i've read or watched sth, so be it........ i won't make e conscious effort to go think.......... which is something i should do............ as a striving theatre practitioner i should be actively thinking about and processing all e alternatives and subtext............ but i don't.
i'm too lazy......... how can i strive to become sth greater when e body is willing but e mind is weak?

i read reviews and i'm like 'i wish i cld think like that', much less write like that............ i like to write, i like e part of writing where e thoughts just flow and i get all into it.............. but i dislike e part where i need a starting point, a yardstick by which to measure myself.......... e part where i need to think......... i like that i get all into e writing and get carried away, such that to understand what i'm tryin to say u gotta b perfectly intune with what i'm tryin to put across........... yet it irks me that such a quality deems me to b an unsuitable writer for e masses.......

i wanan write for people.......... yet i'm afraid of being told i'm wrong............ i wanan write for me, yet i don't know where to begin............ i wanna spread my words, yet i'm afriad of being judged.............

i just don't get inspiration.......... i wanna do reviews, yet i know i never could.......... what would i write about? nothin intelligent wld surface....... i'd b too afraid to pen it on paper........ nothin too in depth wld b revealed........ i'd b too lazy to think beyond what is given to me on a platter.......

courtesy of hannah's blog, thank u for having a digicam......

i love this picture.............. solitude, strength, stability, isolation, pride, determination, confidence, poignancy, sth contained, ready to burst to life, filled with anticipation, courage, beauty in imperfection, radiance, life, a rock of ages, filled with a lasting presence, achingly perfect, heartwrenching, me, vulnerability, ephemeral.............
i feel the picture encapsulates all that, and more............. it holds memories, thoughts, ideas, and more so, all the magic and beauty of the theatre, and all e things untold and unsaid........ like apparitions drifting amongst the throngs of life, briefly touching against each other for an ephemeral moment before vapourising into the thick air of life...... to retrieve the moment of spiritual connection is impossible......... similarly, to recreate a particular moment which holds true for u is like sifting through the seas for a drop of dye......... they just blend into and out of each other............. but this picture holds still.......... and though some of e magic of e moment is lost in its' imprisonment in a meaningless square of colours, a different form of truth reaches out and strokes the soul of e needy........... beautiful.

 

 
   
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