it's been a lonngggggggggg time since i last pasted a quiz result on my blog..
but HELL!!!!!!~!!~! i thought this was so apt.............. eheheh
here we go!~


""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla

now u see y i say it's apt?? 'can't make up your mind'......... i'd have hoards of ppl vouch for that...... eheheh
eheheh.......... sigh............... life is gettin more and more inane by e moment............... i think i'm doomed to a life of waking and sleeping late................
i wake early cuz of rehearsals.............. long day............. get home........... what do i do? go online and chill out.................. u should be sleeping darlin!!!!!~!~ dunno y................ i've grown so accustomed to turning in late.......... diediedie................ how now brown cow?

so so so scared.......... of so many things............ but too many to mention............ too tired to mention................ too scared to mention..............
ironic isn't it?

in denial

afraid of
disillusionment
failure
sacrifice

commitment..........................

a fellow friend/acquaintance told me today it was easy to hook a guy................. just realised she never divulges any of her personal stuff to us............ is that how it is in theatre? in workin life? where u dunno who u can trust? and u fear that u next person u meet will just turn their backs on u and go round gossiping bout u? sadly.......... it seems to be e way it is.......................... it's now all bout competition and survival........ no more e hunky-dory i-scratch-ur-back-u-scratch-mine situation of years ago..................... e community built on trust is now a whole thriving web of deceit............... how conceited and pompous of me to actually conceive e idea that i'd actually be able to survive in a society like that................. but i like it............. i actually do................ not e superficiality.............. but e existence of whatever semblance to a hunky-dory community where evrything's based on trust............. hierarchical yes, no doubt.............. but one where evryone trusts evryone else to do their part and pull off their best to ensure a smooth sailing production........... differing views.............. different opinions............. clashes of character................ bitching.............. but all working towards a common goal.................. how beautiful is it.................. it's priceless..................... but i digress................
she said that it's real easy to get a guy................ just flirt w e guy........... and when u feel that he's interested in u........... then e battle's half won....... in fact............ it's won............. just go in for e kill................ that's how i see most gals do it anyway.............................
but well................. sad to say.................. i can never pull it off..................... not that i wanna rake in some guinness world record of having dated e most no. of guys... hell no.................... but well....................... i just never seem to be able to get what i want in e field of dating................... perhaps it's cuz i'm too scared............... of commitment................. i pull back whenever i feel some sort of connection going thru................... it scares me............ in fact........... it petrifies me................ even w e normal platonic friend............... e fear is always there..................... there's always this barrier i put up between me and the other guy.............. be it whether i'm interested in him or not............... y's that? i dun understand.............. how can ppl go round rampantly changing partners like their soiled clothes when here i am, feeling all queasy and funny bout opening up? bout even opening up that lil bit just to be friends? what's wrong w e way i'm wired?
i want something............ yet i'm too scared to go for it.................. hey!~ sounds way too familiar.................. it's kinda like e summary of my life............ gee....... how sad................ maybe that's where e root of my i-never-make-the-first-move policy stems from.................. self-awareness................ who needs that? can't i just stick to it's-not-my-style? perhaps that's where denial comes in.............