am super
super SUPER
SUPER irritated....................
i go to sch today and my main purpose is to print out stuff i sent myself thru e email cuz my printer at home has been offline for years.......... and what happens? i JUST realise that i forgot to do it.............. 12hrs later........... after leaving sch............. e realisation hits me that i forgot to do e one thing that was really important.......... but nevermind.......... i can always make another trip back tomoro........... cuz i'm not causing anyone else any inconvenience....... as if that's not bad enough..............
whatever happened to responsibility? when i promise someone sth.......... or set myself out to accomplish a task for someone............. i jolly fucking well do it.................. it's alrite if i let myself down............. cuz i dun hurt anyone else................ but it's just plain bad when i let other ppl down cuz effectively i'm bein a helluva selfish person by doin so and misusing others' trust in me.......................
hence i say i am fucking justified at bein fuckingly out of my mind pissed w some prick who took on e task
willingly of doin e tsd public performance and making a copy for evryone........... i mean.......... fine, if u can't finish it and it's too great a task........... don't take it on in e first place~! dun try and act big..... pretend macho and yaya-papaya bout it............. u can't accomplish it, u jolly fucking well pass it onto someone who can............ but of course, e dick-infused brain does not, and cannot see things that way............. it puts up a puffed up front, false bravado, and says 'yes, don't worry, i will get it done'......................
eight months later? no news............... after endless smses............. a confident reply of 'yeah, yeah...... i'll get it done before i enlist'.................
time flies........... enlistment came and went.................. no sight of vcd...........
one month after enlisting and many smses chasing e prick............ and TWO weeks before e deadline for my scholarship application......... says 'sure, will get it done'............
three fucking days before deadline............. says he'll send it in e mail..............
the
fucking
snail
mail
........
on
a
fucking
lazy
sunday
afternoon
..............
WHO THE FUCK WORKS ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON???~!?!?~!?~??!?~!?!~ EVEN SUPERMAN NEEDS A FUCKING BREAK FROM SAVING E CHEEBYE WORLD FROM SELF-DESTRUCTION
if all goes well and e nice ppl in e post-office w absolutely no job satisfaction r efficient enough, i'll prob received e vcd say.. when? earliest tues afternoon? and e deadline's wed......... i STILL gotta record it to vhs tape................ and mind u............. these are the very ppl who screwed up a mere card sent by
courier......... we paid 24 bloody bucks to deliver e card within three working days............... and it never got to it's destination til a freakin month later.......... and e person had to go to e post office to collect it........... how efficient............ no exacerbation in practice here......... total facts...... so i'm supposed to hope to get my bloody vcd within 3 days thru e normal snailmail when even ems speedpost doesn't work? tough luck........... can probably forget bout my dreams of a scholarship............
but that's not what i'm concerned bout, gettin e scholarship................ my main gripe is that i actually put two lovely lovely lovely wonderful teachers thru one day of unnecessary stress and gettin my referral done in a day..... less than 24hrs!~!~! we all know how shitty and sticky writing those letters can be....... and despite all e crap of e a-levels and yr1 monos, they actually thrashed it thru in a day.................. and someone can't bloody make e freakin vcd in what?!~?~!?!? NINE MONTHS?~!?!~?!?~?! most females can readily conceive and produce a screaming pinkish-red lump from in between their legs in the given time frame!~ i seriously don't see how it is physically possible that he can't do e same with a insignificant tiny vcd................. given how much he prides himself on being
the techonology whiz and all...........
i mean..............
are you doing justice to the two lovely people who help others willingly without getting anything back?!?~ how can u even co-exist alongside such wonderful people?!~? you're bloody tainting the human race and giving 'mankind' a bad name!!!!~!!~ urgh!~
it's not so much bout gettin e scholarship application done.................. i mean........... my parents can afford to send me over anytime.......... i just have to say when......... i'm just tryin to b a good daughter and tryin to lighten their load.................... what pisses me off is why can't people keep their promises? i can't they stick to their word? i'm not saying i do all e time.......... i'm not perfect, nobody is..................... but at least i try.............. i don't see him tryin............ is it really that difficult to just not think about ourselves for once? this comes across as ironic cuz here i am, ranting and raving about myself and my application and how someone totally pissed me off.......... and i'm saying we shld think for others sometimes........................ i'm just so tired............... of trying............. of even being............... of.........
i give up
Friday, April 25, 2003
You are the little prince.
Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz. brought to you by Quizilla
i think that is giving myself too much credit...........
what happens when one day we wake up feeling as if we're just a meaningless blob of protoplasm in a world filled w countless blobs of protoplasm? no one knows exactly how many blobs there exist in e world..... doesn't that make u feel so appreciated? what makes me think i'm any different from the ones who aren't part of the statistic? does being a statistic mean u're any more special? u're more of a person than someone else? that u make more of a change to e world around u? and u realise that 150yrs down e road, no one will remember who u were, or what u did............... so what doesn it matter what u do now? since it's all gonna pass?
i close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment's gone.........
ephemeralism
i suddenly feel like i don't matter........ not anymore.............
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
Pink:
You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.
*this quiz was made by
href="http://www.uinmind.com/sara">Sara
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
no really.......... are they serious bout that??
the world IS a happy place......... only if we try to put out e notions of horror and vice........ what's the point in brooding and wasting time away on disheartenin stuff when it doesn't solve a thing?
it'd be better if we just live and let live right? make love not war? look at e positive side of things? afterall.......... every cloud does have a silver lining............
right?
Sunday, April 20, 2003
it's been a lonngggggggggg time since i last pasted a quiz result on my blog..
but HELL!!!!!!~!!~! i thought this was so apt.............. eheheh
here we go!~
""Which cocktail are you?"" brought to you by Quizilla
now u see y i say it's apt??
'can't make up your mind'......... i'd have hoards of ppl vouch for that...... eheheh
eheheh.......... sigh............... life is gettin more and more inane by e moment............... i think i'm doomed to a life of waking and sleeping late................
i wake early cuz of rehearsals.............. long day............. get home........... what do i do? go online and chill out.................. u should be sleeping darlin!!!!!~!~ dunno y................ i've grown so accustomed to turning in late.......... diediedie................ how now brown cow?
so so so scared.......... of so many things............ but too many to mention............ too tired to mention................ too scared to mention..............
ironic isn't it?
in denial
afraid of
disillusionment
failure
sacrifice
commitment..........................
a fellow friend/acquaintance told me today it was easy to hook a guy................. just realised she never divulges any of her personal stuff to us............ is that how it is in theatre? in workin life? where u dunno who u can trust? and u fear that u next person u meet will just turn their backs on u and go round gossiping bout u? sadly.......... it seems to be e way it is.......................... it's now all bout competition and survival........ no more e hunky-dory i-scratch-ur-back-u-scratch-mine situation of years ago..................... e community built on trust is now a whole thriving web of deceit............... how conceited and pompous of me to actually conceive e idea that i'd actually be able to survive in a society like that................. but i like it............. i actually do................ not e superficiality.............. but e existence of whatever semblance to a hunky-dory community where evrything's based on trust............. hierarchical yes, no doubt.............. but one where evryone trusts evryone else to do their part and pull off their best to ensure a smooth sailing production........... differing views.............. different opinions............. clashes of character................ bitching.............. but all working towards a common goal.................. how beautiful is it.................. it's priceless..................... but i digress................
she said that it's real easy to get a guy................ just flirt w e guy........... and when u feel that he's interested in u........... then e battle's half won....... in fact............ it's won............. just go in for e kill................ that's how i see most gals do it anyway.............................
but well................. sad to say.................. i can never pull it off..................... not that i wanna rake in some guinness world record of having dated e most no. of guys... hell no.................... but well....................... i just never seem to be able to get what i want in e field of dating................... perhaps it's cuz i'm too scared............... of commitment................. i pull back whenever i feel some sort of connection going thru................... it scares me............ in fact........... it petrifies me................ even w e normal platonic friend............... e fear is always there..................... there's always this barrier i put up between me and the other guy.............. be it whether i'm interested in him or not............... y's that? i dun understand.............. how can ppl go round rampantly changing partners like their soiled clothes when here i am, feeling all queasy and funny bout opening up? bout even opening up that lil bit just to be friends? what's wrong w e way i'm wired?
i want something............ yet i'm too scared to go for it.................. hey!~ sounds way too familiar.................. it's kinda like e summary of my life............ gee....... how sad................ maybe that's where e root of my i-never-make-the-first-move policy stems from.................. self-awareness................ who needs that? can't i just stick to it's-not-my-style? perhaps that's where denial comes in.............
Saturday, April 19, 2003
the sacrifices that we make
for the things that we want or need......... or have a responsibility towards..........
y can't we have our cake and eat it? why do we have to sacrifice something we want for something we feel obliged towards?
is there a time when we act selfishly and go for what we want and throw back our obligations and duties? should there be? i dunno.......... i don't think i could bring myself to do it............. unless i could justify it really stolidly..........
professional obligation 2:0 personal want
the people around us that we take for granted
we assume they'll always be there for us,
how many '
last time's have we made then sit through? of gettin disappointed by us time and again....... but sticking by us....... not because they don't have a choice.... but also because they want to..............
the fact that life goes on
and regardless of whether u're prepared to face it or not, it'll still continue orbiting and leave u stranded.............
clinging onto unrealised dreams and aspirations..........
still wishing,
and hoping,
and praying,
and dreaming.....................
so desperately wanting something that u have no inkling whether will be fulfilled or not............
something u've built ur life upon, and aimed to achieve............
yet the end seems so far away................. that u can't even see it............
so if u can't see it......... can u safely say u're affirmed of reaching it in the end?
Saturday, April 12, 2003
My Edict of Quotable Quotes
on happiness:
what is bliss? and which the way?
call no man happy til he has carried his his happiness with him to his grave.
on the Quality of Life:
What would you do if you didn't fear?
At all cost, a thing must live: better a live sparrow than a stuffed eagle.
The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.
What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?
Saturday, April 05, 2003
to gu-ni
***quote***
whatever love wants...
***unquote***
You must be the change you wish to see in the world...
As long as you're going to be thinking anyway, THINK BIG...
God doesn't let anything happen to you that you can't handle,
but if you can't handle it, then He provides a way out...
this really ties in with what i was talking about with someone i just met today............ seems as if most people who make it try really really hard and get rejected like hellotta times........... but it's e hard work and determination that finally brings them where they are............. plus that lil stroke of luck that deals evrything.............
he was telling me that if i really wanan get where i wanna......... i've got to have that much determination........ that much drive........ that much hard work.......... to never say die............ and to live thru all e hard work and still wanna do it........... cuz essentially it all boils down to how much u want something............... but then again......... very often in life it's not how much u want sth that matters................... it's how u go about doin it............ how lucky u are................. how many ppl u know........... how thick ur skin is............ how good ur public relation skills are................... what if u're really really good but u just never get that one chance? that big break of urs? what then? continue toiling away? there's so many factors holding me back............. i think they're mental factors............ but so what if there's nothing holding me back and i give my all? will it guarantee that one breakthrough?
Thursday, April 03, 2003
suddenly i'm so scared............. i'm so frightened i'll fall prey to sars.......... i don't fear for myself......... it doesn't matter if i die now or later....... we're all gonna leave anyway........ but what if i get it and unwittingly i pass it to my family? what's gonna happen? especially since i'm out in e open....... 1200-2000hrs evryday....... 1000-2000hrs on wkends........... sitting in e corner strapping ppl up.......... contact w strangers is a prerequisite.......... i've got to attach electrodes to em......... peel off those electrodes............ finger e sticky electrodes that're teeming w their dead cells............ i'm so scared................... and now e virus has spread to australia............ my bro's alone there.......... e thought of e world being wiped out is so scary......... so real............... i'm really scared this time................
i once read a book by stephen king.......... a book called 'the stand'............... in e book, a flu epidemic struck e world and wiped out evryone........ evryone......... save for 8 individuals and a whole bunch of other ppl who congregated together and formed satan's colony............ it was up to e 8 to save e world from e clutches of e devil and repropogate e world............ now it suddenly doesn't feel like just a book anymore.......... could this be the much talked about end? is this e way we're gonna go? in fear and lack of reassurance? will they ever find a cure for it? i dunno......... i've always been devil-may-care and callous......... now i'm feeling paranoid........ what is this world coming to? is this e Lord's way of wiping e land of e callous complacents? of cleansing e land?
it's been a long time since i've done this...........
Random Word of the Day
recoilation
funny how much it resembles 'reconciliation'.........
and so e world goes on........ the sun goes on burning..... the planets continue revolving.......... lives are ever changing........... people are constantly dying..........
i'm not saying e whole world shld stop and gawp at e war........... all i'm saying is y can't we b a lil more empathetic?
empathy
apathy
funny how just 2 letters difference can result in a wholly different perspective and mindset....... on humanity
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
Quote of the Day
Solipsism is the theory that whatever you do, no matter what, would have some selfish reason behind it.
courtesy of soulitary......... thanks for e enlightenment.............
