it's amazing how such a huge piece of our future's dependant on that one slip of paper; that one recommendation; that one box to tick in.................
have u ever wondered what's gonna happen now? and faced a blank wall that stares back at u.......... e smooth flawless surface stretched out for miles and e cool reverberation of ur question just repeats itself over and over again, each time softer than the previous, until it gradually fades out into the distance?
i have...... i am

i dunno when vca's gonna reply me.......... if they'll ever reply me............. mindlessly plunging into something i had a vague notion about, and falling headlong into it........ unable to clamber out and stuck in it's abyss..........

how do u endeavour to emerge as the triumphant few in a circle so elite that only approx. 15 are chosen worldwide? not to forget we are asian...... with yellow skin and dark hair......... among the fair hair and skinned ones.................

when all your hopes are pinned on it, and the next 2yrs depends solely on it........... and you have absolutely no way to do anything about it........... all you can do, is wait........... for the reply from a faceless entity, telling you to further wait.................. and when the finally time comes, you don't know if all the waiting will eventually pay off............. or if you'll just fall flat on your face...... again....... and not know where to turn to................ except to wait........ and see if an option opens up.............

the inertia.......... the inability to do something concrete, that nothing can be done, and evrything lies in someone elses hands.......... is killing me..............
i cannot take this uncertainty, this lack of knowledge of what lies ahead............... am i to spend the next year and a half in such a limbo? pls Lord......... give me a sign; guide me along; show me the path................. i don't know what i can do