is it a form of self-idolatry? where i wanna see myself on stage, leading e audience on in this make-believe world for just that few hundred minutes of their lives?? to believe that i can escape from the person that i am for that few moments and be someone else, some who exists only in the mind and on stage, where outside of the perimeters is but made up of a series of words on paper? is it wrong? am i placing myself above all else whereby i wanna bathe in that attention, in e knowledge of e power that i am leading the audience by e hand, that i am pulling e storyline on ahead and no one, nothing, can can stop me from fooling these ppl; from lying to them and blatently painting myself out as who i am not? is this a form of self-indulgence? of selfish indulgent behaviour? of wanting to glorify myself and gratify my inner being? doubting the Lord of what He gave me............. of affirming myself of all i am? am i belittling Him in assuring myself of my abilities? don't i trust Him enough to know what He bestowed me with? why must i prove to myself? to others? to others whom don't matter to me? fame and gratification last but for an ephemeral moment......... but Him............. He's here to stay eternally............................ so why do i seek e former? why don't i have enough faith in the latter? why do i resort to self means instead of relying on the unknown macrocosmic divine powers? is my insecurity that profound? do i need reassurance and seek comfort that greedily? that i am willing to throw aside the unconditional unseen reassurance of the Maker for my own little insignificant passing glory? Delusion. Disillusion. which is which?