i am angry
i am so pissed
i dunno what e fuck i can do to make myself feel better
blame other people?
vent my frustration on someone else?

the more i try to blame someone else;
the testier i get;
the more irritable i become;
the more i get pissed off w e people around me whom i expect to just disappear and leave me alone,
the worse i feel.

i am so angry.......
with myself

it's difficult to actually turn around and point the finger at myself, but i realise that if i don't, i won't be able to set my heart at ease.........
it's so easy to just hurl curses and swears at the world around us...... the inconsiderate people, the selfish people, the thoughtless people............. but ultimately, the hardest person to forgive is always oneself.............. for we all think we're perfect and not subject to the very same vices and flaws that we reprimand others for....... but we're not.......... and when we make the same mistake, it's so much harder to accept our own flaws............... for our imperfection

how do you forgive yourself?

today's sermon was about forgiveness............ about forgiving other people who have done us wrongs or injustices....... people who are scum and lowly.......... people who don't deserve what they get...............

but it didn't touch on forgiving oneself.............

the torment was almost enough to kill............. the agony, the vileness that fills yourself............ that you refuse to acknowledge and just wish that you could push it all unto someone else.......... some faceless scapegoat.............. but it's not possible............... for it all falls flat................ and returns to haunt you............ until you can come to terms with your own imperfection......... your vulnerability............ your lack of judgement.............. and say to yourself 'it wasn't your fault....... you really didn't know any better............. there is nothing you can do now.............. evrything happens for a reason.......... and that it's all in His hands'........... then can you find peace.......

So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache
Heavy on the memory, you need most
still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate
not without affection, not alone

And instead of wishing that it would get better
man you're seeing that you just get angrier

And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over,
I'm not angry, anymore

Cry when you cry, run when you run
love when you love
represent the ashes
that you leave behind

And instead of wishing that the road had shoulder
man you're seeing that you're sinking over time

And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over
I'm not angry
it's dragging me under
I'm not angry

I'm not angry it's never been enough
it gets inside and it tears you up
I'm not angry but I've never been above it
you see through me don't you
- 'Angry' , Matchboxtwenty