what if you're not as good and capable as you make youself out to be? what then? what happens after that? what do you do? what can you do? either you get all caught up in self-denial and pretend evrything's a farce and it's a scam e world made up to drag you down, or you face the realisation head-on, and end up stuck up to your nose in quicksand, letting it suck you deeper and deeper into your own self-pity and grief and anguish.................... but what do you do? what do i do? you don't wanna believe it but the reality shoves it into your face and you gotta eat it.......................... tough as it sounds, that's life................................. it never goes as we expect it to does it? does it ever.......................... some people get what they want, but they deserve it, and we feel happy cuz there's justive in this world..................... some people get what they shouldn't get cuz basically they suck, and we feel indignant cuz we can't see why life goes easy for them................. and some people just can't seem to get what they want and they just d o n ' t k n o w w h y....................... and we pity them................... i pity them.................... i pity me........................ such self-pity is disgusting............... i disgust me................. great................... another slab to throw against me to keep me from being afloat in this flurry of activity termed 'life'.................. which sucks at you and pulls you down deeper and deeper and before you know it, you're wallowing in self-despair and refuse to snap out of it cuz there's comfort in e despair.............. it's like a ferris wheel............... even though e view at e top is fantastic and far greater than e bottom, you feel safe at e bottom cuz you know u can't go any lower cuz if anything happens, chances of you dyin is slimmer then e rest...................

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by an invisible man
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody's saying everything's all right
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of the lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Why does it always rain on me?
Why does it always rain on....
- 'why does it always rain on me?' , travis

how apt.......... it's a rainy day............

am i lying to myself?
do i make up excuses just so i can make myself feel better?

i think so................