i received a promotional not-for-sale dvd, containing 5 mtvs of matchboxtwenty, and of course i was ecstatic.......... while watching the, i couldn't stop grinning........ normal people sit on the sofa.......... i was squatting on it, apparently i was too pumped up with adrenaline to sit properly............. i was grinning myself silly over the mtvs, the fantastic direction and themes exploring life, and i could distinctly trace of the differences in their songs from the first album and the second album............ and while i was watching 'bent', i dunno why, but i started tearing........ probably from the despair in the video............. 'can you help me, i'm bent...... i'm so scared that i'll never get put back together'........ i could so totally relate to the song....... and when it came to 'if you're gone', i was even closer to crying........... 'there's an awful lot of breathing room and i can heardly move'......... it's very reflective of our own life don't you think? how now we've got like 7 months to ourselves and all the time in the world to do whatever we wanna do, yet we don't really engage in anything constructive do we? least i know i don't....... so much time and yet we're wasting it on bumming, enjoying life, not attempting to make a difference.......... i almost feel ashamed of myself............ indulged in selfishness and hedonism........... when it came to the part where rob thomas, kyle cook and adam gaynor were all in a line, each with a microphone stand and crooning into their mics, with the camera at an angle such that it seemed that the three of them were in descending order, i dunno why, but that simple scene struck a chord in me........... i marvelled at how beautiful the simple scene was, even though it was nothing as compared to the rest of the video............. there was simple strikingly vulnerable and bare in that simple shot, and i recognized the beauty in it's orderliness, and the quiet unspoken harmony in them...........
'push' started and ended with rob thomas holding onto a puppet, complete with strings and limp limbs.......... simplistic yet its message was clear......... and i realise, i miss the good old days......... i miss being young and bogged down with work and not having to worry bout what i wanna do the next month, year, even 5 years, cuz i know that everything's been planned out perfectly for me.......... no worries, no tough decisions to make, no failures, total guaranteed completely lit path............. and i was complaining bout it................ funny how we only see the light when we're out of it............. but i'm not regretting or wishing myself back........... i'm looking back in fond remembrance and recognition, in learning and enlightenment............... life is about learning, and i wanna learn what i can, and think on what i've learnt.......... for there is no failure of lesson is there? only when we fail to learn do we really fail..............

Quote of the Day
No one is completely worthless, they can always serve as a bad example......

that's pretty true isn't it, when you think bout it............ right now, i just wanna sit back and give myself a mental holiday, not in a sense where i zone out and go blank, but where i open my mind to all possible aspects of life and explore what we take for granted.......... there's so much to explore, and we dunno where to start........ it's often not a problem of what we wanna say, but how......... often there's so much to say we dunno where to start, but once we get the ball rolling, it's easy as pie isn't it? and the more we try to refrain our thoughts and pin it down to one thing, the more we feel we're getting stuck............ ironic ah? it's funny how the mind works.......

Reality vs Illusion
I think, therefore i am. - Descartes