beauty exists, and we are all perfectly flawed.......

yes it's true, i do believe that we are......... humans are walking paradoxes, and the only way to aptly attribute these walking paradoxes is with an oxymoron......... we're perfect in spite of our short-comings, our flaws, our imperfection.............. it's these ineptness of humans that give us our humanity, for to be without flaw is to be imperfect, the lack of feeling and emotion leaving us cold and unfeeling........... our flawed perfection is the backbone of our humanity, that is what i believe in and hold strongly to........ regardless of what anyone has to say in retort of persuasion, nothing can sway my stand......... we are perfectly flawed........

met up with an old sec sch friend today who's in town and leaving tomorrow......... haven't seen her in 2 years, and i dunno when i'll ever see her again............ thing is, i didn't feel excited to be meeting her, neither did i feel sad as we were bidding each other farewell.................. it's just become a part of life, and whatever comes is neither good, nor bad, is just is................ nothing's right nothing's wrong, everything's just normal........... am i becoming jaded? it scares me that i'm going to live my life feeling an absolute blankness, experiencing emotions the range of a dead man's oscilloscope........... to absolute horror of a jaded life haunts me........... lack of feelings and emotions, of enthusiasm and passion, the drive for life that's keep me burning for so long, is burning out finally, slowly wasting to just a glowing amber........ just waiting it's time to burn out........... to the special group of people who know my 'obsession' with a certain singer, i don't go through the same enthusiasm and excitement as i did........ it might seem as if i do, but it's just an act, where i used to react a certain way, and am just acting the same way as i did, not cuz i'm goin through the same emotions and feelings as i did before, but merely reproducing the actions cuz it's a given, a certain conditioning that's happened and i'm now reacting the way i am cuz that's how it was........ it's all a farce and an act.......... maybe the feeling will come back?

i just want someone who will hold onto me when i'm burning out, to rekindle my fire, whom i know that when my spark is fading and dying, will patiently wait by and try to rekindle it, whom i know that when i've changed and am no longer bursting with enthusiasm will love me all the same for my inactivity and try his best to work me up.......... who will attempt to find out the life in me when even i think i've none left.................... is that so hard to find? i see a few certain people around me who share this experience with someone else, and i see a reflection of bliss in their eyes........ every ephemeral moment to them is an eternity, and in the midst of chaos, they see only the beauty in each other........... i long to watch these people and experience their bliss, watching them i feel a flutter in the pits of my empty heart, for they represent the blissfulness that i never can feel............ and the closest i can come to sharing this ephemeral experience is to look in on them through a looking glass............

Sweetest love, I do not go
For weariness of thee,
Nor in hope the world can show
A fitter love for me;
But since that I
Must die at last, 'tis best
To use myself in jest,
Thus by feign'd deaths to die.

Yesternight the Sun went hence,
And yet is here today;
He hath no desire nor sense,
Nor half so short a way:
Then fear not me,
But believe that I shall make
Speedier journeys, since I take
More wings and spurs than he.

Oh how feeble is man's power,
That if good fortune fall,
Cannot add another hour,
Nor a lost hour recall!
But come bad chance,
And we join to it our strength,
And we teach it art and length,
Itself o'er us to advance.

When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind,
But sigh'st my soul away;
When thou weep'st, unkindly kind,
My life's blood doth decay.
It cannot be
That thou lov'st me, as thou say'st,
If in thine my life thou waste;
Thou art the best of me.

Let not thy divining heart
Forethink me any ill;
Destiny may take thy part,
And may thy fears fulfill;
But think that we
Are but turn'd aside to sleep;
They who one another keep
Alive, ne'er parted be.
- 'Song', John Donne