The current mood of dyseluxon@hotmail.com at www.imood.com

 
The Big Bag of Random Stuff
 

 
We weren't born with a name, we were given a name. A hedgehog doesn't have a name. It's just a nameless thing with a handful of flesh and skin and a beating heart. A hedgehog doesn't even know it doesn't have a name.
 
 
   
 
Saturday, November 09, 2002
 
yourself or someone like you
more than you think you are

that's what we all are, 'more than we think we are'....... often times we tend to belittle ourselves much more than others belittle us don't we? seems like a human condition........ either we think we're less than we actually are, or we think we're more than we are........... can we never reach a balance? i really wonder...... is it possible? but considering that we're constantly in a flux, the moment we hit home we change again don't we? it's an abstract concept and i honestly think i don't know much enough about myself to comment on this......... it's rather ironic isn't it? that considering what i've just said about us not knowing ourselves well enough i can confidently state that i know that i don't know myself well enough to know myself.................. ha......... get a grip baby...........

i'm too weary to go much in depth about everything........ i find it so much easier skimming the surface of multiple things and issues rather than centering on one issue and going in depth about it............ oh great, now my lit's gonna suffer because of that.......

"... it's only three days to our 'A's and we can still walk around like that and go shopping"
"That's what scares me, i'm afraid we're being complacent ."
"But we've been studying for quite a bit and we deserve a break cause we know we've put in effort"
"But isn't that considered being complacent?"


honestly, can anyone tell me what defines complacency? i don't feel a single shard of urgency........ is it cuz i'm complacent? that by some fluke or divine miracle i'll be able to pull the same trick and get 'B,C,D' again, but for the 'A's this time?
or am i just feeling stagnant and need some oiling to get back in motion?
maybe i just lack the discipline? it's as simple as that........
or do i just plainly don't care?
afterall, i can always get a father-mother-scholarship to anywhere i want to............
yet i can't say i don't care can i? afterall, i do want to get to manchester and study theatre........
but do i want it bad enough?
or am i having doubts without even knowing it? that is this the path i really wanna go down? am i prepared for the uncertainties that lie along the way?
have i been too sheltered all my life?
always running home to my safe abode, where i can abandon all facades and guises and just be plain me, devoid of expectations to live up to....... knowing that whether i fail or accomplish anything home will always be here for me, to be my safety net, catching me when i fall..........
yet i can't be such a no-back-boner all my life can i?

daddy...........

it's so great being daddy's girl.......... isn't it? just sweet-talk big ol' daddy, pouting a lil here and there, talking in a sweet tone, emulating the child of yesteryear who's long gone........ all for what? to get extra allowance............. to ask daddy to let me buy my prom accessories.............. to ask daddy if he can give me some money cuz i'm broke after shopping when i'm supposed to be studying........................ i don't deserve this.................. afterall, what have i done for them in the past 18yrs 7mths 29days? except to help deplete money?

that's all i am, and will ever be,
yourself or someone like you

can i ever be more than i think i am?

 

 
   
  This page is powered by Blogger, the easy way to update your web site.  

Home  |  Archives