okie......... so here i am, with 39 more hours til all heaven breaks loose for me............... i've been counting down since 59hrs........... and then seconds seems like minutes and the minutes like hours and the hours like days and the days like weeks and.... yah..... we know what u're trying to put across daphne...... get done with it...............

well........... the pc paper today was pretty okie don't u think? saw a really beautiful poem on Death and i just stopped, and stared at it.......... initially i didn't catch no shit on it, except that it used a lot of caps for the words, then i thought hell girl........ u like it, but you don't catch no shit.......... but u like it..... since u like it that much, y don't u just whack it? but of course, the typical kiasu sporean side in me was like cmon... get real, this your a's..... u don't wanna screw it up over some passing surge of emotion u feel towards a poem........ don't try to be arty, ain't gonna benefit no one....................but the crazy side retorted be idealistic, be crazy, be lofty, whatever.......... this is YOUR a's......... u wanna enjoy it, and if u like something that much, i'm sure u can figure enough about it to write about! so i did.
i did the peom, whacked out 4 1/2 sides of it at one shot........... sat back.......... drained................. time for the next answer.............. then i realised that was precisely what i was, drained.............. so i slogged through the prose, even though i thought i was able to identify the main ideas, but it's not so much of the content, but how u put it across.............. oh well............ least i enjoyed the poem.......... ***self-assurance works sometimes........... let's pray this is one of those times.......***

my last paper's on fri........ yay yay......... ***lack of enthusiasm*** the supposed mood i'm supposed to feel now is one of boredom, of feeling sian and depressed, cuz apparently 99.76% of the world's finished their horrendous exams yet i'm still stuck in it.......... but thing is, i feel fine and dandy............. in fact, i'm in a holiday mood already.... which is not good................. in fact, ever since the study break kicked off and i entered the a's i've been feeling somewhat floaty and with my heads in the clouds, certain times fully concealed, others just partly................ now i'm just somewhat totally immersed in it, save for my feet...........

so here i am, with one more paper to go and feeling absolutely relaxed and calm..................... i shouldn't be.... but i am............. by right it should spell trouble...... but i couldn't care less.............. dippity boopy yap..............

the tsd greeks and unseen paper yesterday just simply H O R R I D............... i felt a lil sense of exasperation during and immediately after the paper, but that was it................. back to the clouds................... is this supposed to be a good sign? that i'm still calm and in control despite the approaching storm? i dunno........... seems as if i'm being over complacent, looking the whirlwind in the eye and thinking it won't affect me, it'll just take a 90degree turn to the right and raze my neighbour's plot of plants and leave mine unscathed................ of course, that doesn't happen in real life............ not even in reel life............ so basically i'm gonna get whipped up by the tornado and land up in oz, with my shiny red shoes and munchkins, realising that the yellow brick road's just a scam and i'm stuck in midgetland........... oh wow....... my life's complete..........

before i get too carried away or demented or drive myself onto the highway without my driver's permit, may i just end off with the beautiful poem by the earl of rochester...... i think it's simply fantastic..........

point to note, i'm not feeling depressed or suicidal, despite earlier remarks........... just feeling kinda cranky and messed up......... not that it's bad.......... but just cranky and messed up..... if u know what i mean........... ***gringrin*** sheesh~! I don't even know what i mean!~!!~!!!!~!~!!

After Death, nothing is nothing Death,
The utmost Limit of a gasp of Breath;
Let the Ambitious Zealot lay aside
His hopes of heav'n, (whose faith is but his Pride)
Let Slavish Souls lay by their fear;
Nor be concern'd which way, nor where,
After this Life they shall be hurl'd;
Dead, we become the Lumber of the World,
And to that Mass of matter shall be swept,
Where things destroy'd, with things unborn are unkept.
Devouring Time swallows us whole;
Impartial Death confounds Body, and Soul.
For Hell, and the Foul Fiend that Rules
God's everlasting fiery Jails
(Devis'd by Rogues, dreaded by Fools)
With his grim grisly Dog, that keeps the Door,
Are senseless Stories, idle Tales,
Dreams, Whimsies, and no more.

***yes, i took the last 7 mins of the exam to copy down the poem........ just proves my crankiness right?***

oh......... while bathing just now, i came to terms with myself......... ***yes, i do most of my thinking in the bath....... and it's not what it seems to be......... gosh....*** we all strive for things we don't have....... the same goes for me......... and i've known this for ages........ it's just that i've refused to admit it......... that fact that i want something, yet i don't make an effort to realise the dream, is because i'm afraid; insecure; unconfident; unsure, etc, u name it............... i'm afraid that when i do get what i want, well...... it's actually not as good and perfect as i make it out to be........... i can't take the disillusionment........ i simply cannot bear the pain of being dealt such a blow that i just refuse to even try for it.............. as they say, ignorance is bliss......... isn't that true? i'm afraid to try for something because i'm afraid of the failure, of myself and of my dream............. they say that true failure is when u fail to try................ then i guess that i epitomize failure don't i? in other words, u're a coward daphne......... it takes alot to say that out loud to myself and admit it, come to terms with it and accept it.............. but u can't run away from it....... but the question remains, that now that've you've admitted it and accepted it as part of yourself, what're u gonna do bout it? nothing? continue to sit and watch the world pass by? or make an effort and be brave? the truth? i'd still choose the latter........ i'm a coward, i'm sorry...........

looks like i've let me down, again.........

Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.

Are we listening to hyms of offering?
Have we eyes to see that love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
As the years roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know.
- 'The World I Know', 'Collective Soul'