and once again........... my bubble is burst....................

okie............... the much-awaited dreaded moment arrived, and left.............. mum confronted me........... mum slammed me............. mum left me high and dry....... mum won hands down................ mum wouldn't even state her case.............. didn't answer my 'why's, just adament on her point of view........ no consideration for mine......... just shut ears and refusal to listen to me...... so obviously in denial, trying to run away from my questions.......... cuz she has no answer....... only a dead mindset and conventional ideas, closed to unfamiliar things........ typical of a dysfunctional asian family...............
'You're not a christian, you're a buddhist. What do you go to church for?' ouch........... that hurt............ and no mum, our family's not buddhist, contrary to what you think......... it's taoist............. funny isn't it? they don't even know that their practise are taoist, not buddhist, and there they are, telling me i'm one of them when they can't even make it clear what they are.............. feeling too washed out to laugh about it.................. ***sinking feeling***
(just knew my funny unresolute feeling was justified when they didn't say a word just now) ***am i gonna pride myself on being psychic? now that's gonna be inane......... but then again........ what in life isn't?***
it's funny(okie........ maybe retarded's the word) how they leave the decision of what uni i'm going to for the next 3 years in a foreign land to myself, yet something like where i spend my sundays is dictated by them............. makes me wanna laugh when i think about it.......... well.... maybe not laugh............ more of sneer................. how ironic can life get? it's like a grinning skull staring right straight at me, knowing that i can't challenge it and it's gloating at my defencelessness................ unfair...............
it's really unfair.............. when i've been dumped into this mould and i can't find my way out cuz it's forbidden................ it's like plato's cave............... it's suicidal i swear...........
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***frustration abounds***
when will we quit being IGNORANT?!~?~!?!~?
URGH......................... like some ancient computer game/movie....... e evil bad guy monster refers to humans as 'insolent fools'......... yeap.. agree with him.............. the big guy knows what he's talking about............. we don't......................... maybe the word 'moron' derived from 'mortal'?? gee....... probably............ ***frown***
well................. she had the final last say.............. i couldn't defend myself much.............. not when she refused to answer my questions on why i couldn't go church and just just kept insisting that i couldn't, plainly having a conversation that was so dominated by her............... it coulda been a monologue and it wouldn't have made a difference............. soooooooooooo adament on me being a 'buddhist'............ like YO!!!!!!!!!!!! ***sorry beautiful... promised you i wouldn't use that word but i just.cant.help.it..............*** and soooooooooooo adament on me not going church...................... who the hell is she to dictate my life thoughts and decisions? it's one thing that she's my mum............... but decisions to do with MY life........ they're MINE............... urgh........... ***grumblegrumble***
why are we so narrow minded? why are humans so contrived? why are asians such suckers for tradition? ***pulls at hair*** (as one can probably tell..... i'm feeling frustrated....... and it doesn't help that my bro is behind my back talking to me as if i wasn't doing anything but listening to him...... urgh............ he is soooooooo thick sometimes.............)

They say everything can be replaced
They say every distance is not near
So I remember every face
Of every man who put me here

I see my light come shining
From the west down to the east
Any day now, any day now
I shall be released

They say every man needs protection
They say that every man must fall
Yet I swear I see my reflection
Somewhere so high above this wall

Now yonder stands a man in this lonely crowd
A man who swears he's not to blame
All day long I hear him shouting so loud
Just crying out that he was framed
- 'i shall be released' , The Band

okie.............. i'm tired............ i'm drained........... i'm wasted....... i'm demoralized.......... i'm frustrated................. i'm highly explosive now.............. i'm not in the best of moods................. i'm pissed off............. i'm irritated.............. i'm indignant.................... i'm feeling unjustified................. i'm feeling played out................. i'm feeling down................. i'm feeling agitated................ i'm raging at the narrow-mindedness of humans..................... i'm at a mental block............. i'm frazzled.............
i'm gonna end here.