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Thursday, October 31, 2002
What Type Of Loser Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
***lower lip trembles***
heeheh........ now....... if i really cried over that then i'd really be a humongous loser.... ehehhe
Top 10 Fav Things
1. Feeling the lactic acid coarse through my legs after a reallyyyyyy loonnnnnnggggg run..... ah....... shiok...........
2. Receiving lil msgs or a lil word totally out of the blue from friends knowing i'm still loved
3. Just hanging out and catching up or sharing stuff with friends at a nice coffee joint with a laid back ambience........ life man.........
4. Turtles, real or fake, alive not dead........................................
5. My tiny souvenir orange-beaked duck from e Singapore Duck Race named Duq
6. Matchboxtwenty
7. Universal Blues Band.......... ***guilty look***
8. A cuddle....... ***purrs***
9. Arts Faculty
10.Tsd, with all it's ups and downs, inclusive of lofty
(can i add in a No.11 pls??? pretty pls???)
11. A sense of belonging (think workshop)
'That's not the proper way to enter the library'
gee....... i never knew there was a certain way to enter the library...... don't you just move your legs forward one at a time and avoid tripping? just reprimanded today for ' not entering the library the proper way'..... well excuse me for being lazy and looking for a shorter way around those obstrcutive and useless devices used to pick up smuggled books.......... we're students in a school for goodness' sake!!! how far away can we get without getting caught first? and whatever happened to 'trust'? that age-old value between people? not to mention those blasted things beep like there's a bomb rai\d on a frequency of once every half an hr.......... and we're not supposed to talk in the library? what a joke........ the paradoxical nature of life........ this'll make shakespeare turn in his grave..............
Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.
Are we listening to hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see that love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding into one.
So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
As the years roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know.
- 'The World I Know' , Collective Soul
'I think you need help'
thanks for the advice cherrie, i feel so assured now........ ***mad fervour gringrin with dribble at corner of mouth***
sometimes i think i do too.......... let's just say i feel i have problems regulating my thoughts and emotions...... i can't get serious when the situation calls for it, and i can't lighten up when everyone around me's trying to make things better........... or am i just a teeny-weeny bit obsessive-complusive? then moment i step into the library i feel this huge rising surge to make noise, squeak my shoes; stomp my way; jump and hop around; talk and giggle; draw my 'happy corners' on the tables...... it's always the wrong feelings and thoughts for the wrong situation............... insecurity maybe? i dunno.......... maybe i do need professional help... any recommendations anyone?
'what is bliss? and which the way?' - Samuel Johnson
can we just suddenly change the way we feel towards someone in a matter of a few minutes after knowing th person for more than a year? the sudden flux of emotions and attention? how we take things for granted when we don't really need then, yet when we aren't sure anymore of their existence and or if we've still got it then we clamour back to it, trying to reach at something that once was, but the vague shadow of an apparition now, unsure and coy..............
why do we torture ourselves like that? it's an underlying inner desire to be broken and tomented isn't it? deep down, inside, we all want some form of emotional torment, cuz there's some comfort in knowing that when we're suffering, things can only get better don't they? the danger of getting what u want is that u might lose it.............. the assurance in not getting what u want is the knowledge that at least u don't have to suffer from cold turkey........... what then, is the ideal utopia? or is there even one?
to acknowledge you're scared and face your fear is step one........... what's step two?
reaching for something that's so near, yet so far........ is torturous......... it's like a dagger that's plunged into your heart and twisted around.............. and you know you can't pull it out cuz your heart's gonna be ripped out from under your nose......... what then? is there no way out?
And outside, the sky is falling
People dodging raindrops, staying dry
And inside, I never gave a damn about those outside people anyway
And it hurt me
They don't even know who I am
And inside, there’s no rainbows
And inside, I try I try I try, try to clear my head
And outside, the rain is drying
And inside, I'm dying
'Cause in here, I’m staring at the rings my coffee cup has made on the table
And in here, I know I know I know, that this is as good as it gets
And in time I hope to be the one that talks about the other half
Until then, I count the cracks on the wall
Until it’s time to lay my head
And inside, I play with shadows
And inside, I know I know I know, that I'll feel this way all day, all day
And outside, there’s hope for trying, and inside I’m dying
You walk before me, lord knows I can’t follow
You walk behind me and I don’t think I can lead
You walk around me, please don’t walk around me
'Cause you know how dizzy I get
- 'Dizzy', Tabitha's Secret
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Are you a slob, a snob or a blob??? Find out now! brought to you by Quizilla
You are not a slob, snob or a blob!!! You might even be a balanced individual, productive and probably frustrated daily by the numerous slobs, snobs and blobs of the world. It is increadible how many people can really have appalling mannerisms and social presentation. Don't let it get you down - rise up and show everyone how good it is to be you.
***wipes sweat off brow***
phew... thought i was gonna be a slob........... ***gringrin***
realised there's effectively 14 days left before i plunged head first never to arise out of the dreaded 'A's.... man........ the pure thought of it sends shivers down my spine like bolts of 'i'm-so-screwed' warnings.................
i know i'm supposed to be studying and cramming now, yet i feel no urgency and still got the time and peace of mind to email wild rice asking them if they wanted help with their productions next year.......... some one slap me to wake me up........ i'm still lliving in lala-land................. and it's gonna kill me........... ***chokechokesputtersputter***
i feel like britney today.................. don't ask me why.......... i just do............... this ain't a good sign........ is it?
Monday, October 28, 2002
What guitar are you? brought to you by Quizilla
cool!~~!~! it's blue!!!~!!!~!!~! haha........ but seriously............. what does it all mean know??
wasn't too sure bout e 'cool, collective' part.......... so i decided to re-take it.... hmm............ guess what i got?
What guitar are you? brought to you by Quizilla
which seems to be more than what i was just now.......... great............. 'you can do it all?'........ no really............ including pulling an 'avril lavigne'?
the good part? least i'm a fender........ eheheh.........
hey!!!~!~! wait a moment!!~! this looks like trevor's guitar!!~!!~ ***gaspgasp*** ***eyes grow wide in amazement***
i amaze myself at times......... i think i've lost it.......... and i'm serious this time..........
How can I label you? brought to you by Quizilla
***bursts out laughing***
don't ask me why............... but i do.......... ***sniggersnigger*** i think she's got cool........ plus point? she skates!~! YEAH!!~!!~!~!
but i figured i'd better re-take e test.......... and voila!!~
How can I label you? brought to you by Quizilla
i couldn't agree more with the part bout spending a lot of time getting ready in the morning............
What Kind of Virgin Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
ouch............... ***and her bubble was burst***
The odds were a hundred to one against me
The world thought the heights were too high to climb
But people from Missouri never incensed me
Oh, I wasn't a bit concerned
For from hist'ry I had learned
How many, many times the worm had turned
They all laughed at Christopher Columbus
When he said the world was round
They all laughed when Edison recorded sound
They all laughed at Wilbur and his brother
When they said that man could fly
They told Marconi
Wireless was a phony
It's the same old cry
They laughed at me wanting you
Said I was reaching for the moon
But oh, you came through
Now they'll have to change their tune
They all said we never could be happy
They laughed at us and how!
But ho, ho, ho!
Who's got the last laugh now?
They all laughed at Rockefeller Center
Now they're fighting to get in
They all laughed at Whitney and his cotton gin
They all laughed Fulton and his steamboat
Hershey and his chocolate bar
Ford and his Lizzie
Kept the laughers busy
That's how people are
They laughed at me wanting you
Said it would be, "Hello, Goodbye."
But oh, you came through
Now they're eating humble pie
They all said we'd never get together
Darling, let's take a bow
For ho, ho, ho!
Who's got the last laugh?
Hee, hee, hee!
Let's at the past laugh
Ha, ha, ha!
Who's got the last laugh now?
- 'they all laughed' , frank sinatra
i think my life's getting inane...........
Sunday, October 27, 2002
hey bloggie............. haven't seen u in awhile again huh? well............... been pretty held up these few days...... with what, i'm no too sure too.......... haha............. "i've got this memory condition" ***gringrin***
was at parkway yesterday watchin some band from indonesia(or was it malaysia?), 'jazz-fusion with traditional gumelan music' it said in the paper............ 'jazz-pop with gumelan music' the banner said at the performance itself.............. but i say 'gumelan pop, pseudo-jazz-wannabe'.............. it wasn't too bad... but neither was it fantastic.......... what's bad was the fact that the nac was giving out free balloons to kids, and they just could not hold on to their balloon properly........... beautiful and i got sooooooo pised off......... (it's wasting of resources man....... all e rubber and helium and manpower gone to was with each balloon a careless spoilt child lets go off)........ that we started counting how many balloons were just floating off under right in front of our very eyes............ well........... we counted 21, but incuding those we missed before we started off, it's probably more than 30............ okie fine..... i lied........... it's probably about 30.............. and that was only after the performance had started......... who knows how many we missed before the performance............
i had this brainwave............ ***gringrin*** if kids couldn't make good use of what they have (ie. thheir arms), then we should just take it from them, since they can't utilise it......... so i proposed to beautiful that we cut off their arms with the balloon that they so carelessly let go.......... hahaa.......... talk about being screwed up daphne........ but it's really a good idea eh? "why'd you have no arms little girl?" "my mummy cut them off because i couldn't hold onto my balloon. it's punishment for not making good use of my arms so she cut it off" ouch i scare me at times...................
brabbit
***mad fervour grin***
it speaks for itself beautiful............ ***knowing look***
it's rather scary when u go into a pet shop, and u see the prices on the glass panes........... they say a large rabbit costs $750, yet they cram it along with another $750-tagged rabbit and they both have such lousy living conditions u wonder if they're really worth $750............... or if it's just a typo and they actually really mean $75 or $7.50............. even the $30 hamsters(which happen to be on the upper tier as opposed to the lower tiered rabbits........... talk about upper and lower classes......... the irony.........) have much better living conditions....... and they're not even worth 1/20 as much.............. sheesh................ under-appreciation? it happens........... even with people............
there was this poor lone rabbit........ that i was laughing at......... ooppsss.......... it was in the corner, and it just kept hopping round in circles inside of it's glass cell....... occasionally stopping to claw at the glass panes, or to change the direction of it's endless circular route........... "is it plain stupid of just hyperactive?" was my initial snide remark at it............. but as i watched it, i realised how futile it's quest was............. imagine going round and round, touching and feeling the same old walls every time, trying to find a way out but finding none......... but not giving up hope............ frankly, it scares the shitload outta me........... every-so-often, whenever we see something that scares us somewhere in the back of our heads, we activate our defense mechanism, which is it laugh it off; make it seem less than it is.......... but it's not.................... how often do we go to horror movies to have that bunch of irritating people cracking retarded jokes about the movie? it's all our form of copin with things.............. when in fear, make a joke of it and laugh it off how brave are we then? to brush off this like that, to not be able to stand up for ourselves........ it's a human condition.............. or is it?
What's Your Bedroom Personality? (For Her) brought to you by Quizilla
Damsels are hard to find in a modern world with screwy ideals! You're probably a romantic and you might even have a broken heart because, SURPRISE! The world isn't a fairy tale. I'm not saying you should change because that would be awful. Stick to your guns, be patient, and wait for that godamned prince-metaphor to come because, damnit, you deserve royalty and not some second-rate wannabe.
Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate? brought to you by Quizilla
wonder if frodo'll do a great job of saving me.... hmmm................
ooh!! i caught memento on saturday.......... fantastic movie....... tis my second time watching it..... first was on e big screen........ but it never fails to lure me into guy pearce's dark tormented self-deluded world............ i think it is just absolutely the best show i've ever watched............. watching everything unfold backwards, seeing the pieces falling into place one by one, racking your brains out to unpuzzle the mysteries................. wow.............. absoutely mind-blowing.......... the show leaves u totally drained at the end man................ too see the black and white scenes which are in proper forward order, and the colour scenes in reverse chronological order, and piecing them together to try and work the story out, trying to find loopholes and patch the gaping holes............... ***melt***
not to forget guy pearce's tortured suaveness and style, even with dishevelled hair (or because of the dishevelled hair? eheh.........) and cuts on his face, he's an instant magnet.........
but it's sad how we delude ourselves only to make things easier to believe isn't it? how we condition ourselves to our own beliefs and screen out the truth............. again another human condition............. we're a fearful lot i'd say...........
Friday, October 25, 2002
What's your brand of sexy? brought to you by Quizilla
Languid-Sexy.... You rock the messy hair and crisp white cotton sheet. Your idea of bliss is a day spent in bed with your lover. There is nothing wrong with that, though some people like to leave the bed at times. You're a total fox, even if you are a hedonistic bum.
hmmm............. i wonder if these quizzes are any true.......... i'd really like to find out one day........ if any of them actually reflected in true life... it'd be really interesting wouldn't it?
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have? brought to you by Quizilla
ouch........... okie........... now i dun really wanna know if they're true anymore.......... ***poutpout***
haven't visited bloggie in a few days....... how r u dear?? in case u're wonderin, bloggie's my inanimate lifeless unreactive blog........... miss u baby... ***hughugcaresscaresssmoochsmoochkisskiss***
***revelation*** contrary to popular belief, i do not have 72hrs a day, 9 days a week
okie.......... monstrousities aside.......... i'm actually gettin down to 'starting' on lit...... haha....... now i'm getting me engine warmed up....... sheesh.......... by e time it's ready to get going e 'A's wld prob be over.................... that's e whole light of the situation isn't it? it's always the wrong time and wrong place wrong situation wrong person wrong concept wrong mindset wrong etcetc.......... i'm so tired......... so tired............. when will this all end?
i am only human
i am prone to failure, i get tired, i get sick, i have my moments too.........
there's only so much i can do
That day, that day
What a mess what a marvel
I walked into that cloud again
And I lost myself
And I'm sad, sad, sad
Small, alone, scared
Craving purity
A fragile mind and
A gentle spirit
That day, that day
What a marvellous mess
This is all that I can do
I'm done to be me
Sad, scared, small, alone, beautiful
It's supposed to be like this
I accept everything
It's supposed to be like this
That day, that day
I lay down beside myself
In this feeling of pain, sadness
Scared, small, climbing, crawling
Towards the light
And it's all I see and
I'm tired and I'm right
And I'm wrong
And it's beautiful
That day that day
What a mess
- 'That Day' , natalie imbruglia
Hey, Hey
Did you ever think
There might be another way
To just feel better,
Just feel better about today
Oh no
If you never want to have
To turn and go away
You might feel better,
Might feel better if you stay
Yeah yeah
I bet you haven't heard
A word I've said
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough
Of all your tryin'
Just give up
The state of mind you're in¡
If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind...
Hey hey
Have you ever danced in the rain
Or thanked the sun
Just for shining, just for shining
Or the sea?
Oh no
Take it all in
The world's a show
And yeah, you look much better,
Look much better when you glow
Hey hey
what ya say
We both go and seize the day
'cause what's your hurry
what's your hurry anyway
- 'Change Your Mind' , Sister Hazel
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
the bachelor? or the desperado? the hum sat guy perhaps?
i don't believe myself............. i don't believe myself............ i don't believe myself...........
i actually watched 'the bachelor'............ actually sat through the whole thing........... sheesh.......... and i can honestly say i am disgusted at myself; america tv; humans; the world............ how can we stoop so low as to display our private lives and thoughts on international tv? to actually witness the machinations and schemings of our own kind unfold at their own pace is suicide...... moral suicide...............
imagine the 15 'lucky' elated women gloating over the 'misfortune' and 'broken-hearts' of the other 10 women, while they hype themselves up for what's in for them.......... how can they say goodbye and wish each other luck when all they wanna do is maul the gorgeous voluptuos lady standing opposite them who got what they couldn't have? to comprehend this takes more them i can muster......... to willingly put themselves in this potentially heat-rending situation........... madness.......... but as they say, there's no gain without risk............. but still............ to pit yourself against 24 other women for some guy you've never met before, only incessantly heard about so much on tv, radio......... takes a real lack of brains doesn't it? or maybe i'm just being skeptical? i dunno.......... but i honestly cannot believe how we can go about finding true love through such ways; scheming against the people living alongside you, going through the exact same situation as you, thinking the same thoughts as you.......... wanting the same guy as you.............. sheesh............... and you see him on e trailers, going about on his dates, kissing and making out fervently like a dog in the heat, while claiming to look for 'the one'.............. right.......... i so believe him......... as if he weren't in for the sex and physicality........... admit it......... it's all about physical externalities....... then comes the connection............ if she's a bomb...... pick her up............... if she ain't hot.. drop her like a hot potato........ ha.. so to speak...............
man we disgust me............... or am i being pure judgmental vindictive unforgiving biased cynical and close-minded?
never was a fan of reality tv anyway............ so sue me....................
Monday, October 21, 2002
Which Disney Princess are you?
You feel a deep, spiritual connection with the earth and animals. While you fight against things as serious as oppressive invaders threatening your people's entire culture and way of life, you're still a young woman with a sense of humor, reflected in your choice of the mischevious raccoon for a pet. What you admire in a man are very noble qualities -- understanding and tolerance. You could never get along with someone who thought they owned the earth and were free to use it as they chose and not take care of it. You value life in all its forms. Although you're the Disneyfied version of the real-life Pocahontas, you're still a good person with high moral fiber and a big heart, and a wonderful role model for everyone.
a role model? for e rejects of dejects or drop-outs? hardly think i'm a high moral fiber person....... sheesh............
but i wanna be ariel............ she's so spunky............
What Element Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
practical? i hardly think so..... but definitely stubborn......... can't help it if things aren't right, right?
least i ain't an airhead..... ehhehe
Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.
haha....... does this mean i'm dumb and brainless? ehhe............
but i'm quite satisfied w it........ ehehe
What Is Your True Aura Colour? brought to you by Quizilla
ermm........... can't help but feel there's a flip side to that somewhere...................
which eye are you? brought to you by Quizilla
ah......... this supports e previous don't it? hmm.......... a conspiracy maybe?
What Sign of Affection Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
awww.......... ain't that sweet? pity i'm such a cynical vindictive person eh?
**************What Part of the body are U?************* brought to you by Quizilla
Congrats ur the TONGUE, get busy
haha............. we all know what that means don't we? ***gringrin***
What Sort of Romantic Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
You're a Fluffy Romantic. Your innocence and enthusiasm are usually found only in Meg Ryan movies. Don't let yourself be a doormat to people who don't deserve you.
***gag***
Mythical Creatures brought to you by Quizilla
You are a nymph. You're a very clever person, often full of energy; so much, you don't know what to do with yourself at times. This can come in handy when cheering up a friends. Nymphs are known for their sneaky, curious tendancies.
hey...... i like this...... eheh............. 'sneaky, curious tendencies'.......... ehee.............
---What fast food condiment are you?--- brought to you by Quizilla
You are: KETCHUP! A good loyal friend with a sense of humor.
ketchup's great..........
What Color Eyes Should You Have? brought to you by Quizilla
AHAHHAHAH!!!~!!~ now that's what i'm talking about.......... i'm sneaky and deceiving.......... don't nobody trust me.........
brown's a nice colour though.........
What kind of punk kid are you? brought to you by Quizilla
i like e destructive part........................
funny how i spend my monday mornings wasting time when i should be studying ain't it? well... we've all gotta take some time off and chill out.... not trying to make excuses for myself here............... but well.......... sometimes we've just gotta take a step back.... do inane stuff........... 'enlighten' ourselves......... ***contemptuous laughter***
bah...... whole loada bull..........
Sunday, October 20, 2002
why is it so hard to do what i wanna do and say what i wanna say?
why do i always hafta think through what i wanna say and try and phrase it as politically correct as possible in order not to hurt the e person i'm talking to when he/she doesn't really bother or care bout how i feel when he/she says hurtful things without a consideration for my fragile heart?
why do i always try to be thoughtful and try and cover the cruel tough facts when it all gets thrown back in my face and spat on?
why am i such a wuss?
why do i allow myself to take all this shit from the people around me when i try to be as nice as possible?
why do i bother myself with people who don't bother bout me?
why do i let myself be plagued by them?
why can't i be brutal like the world around me?
why am i, as someone once quipped, "incapable of being mean"?
why do i even bother being nice?
why do i even bother?
"The weight of this sad time we must obey,
Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say." - 'King Lear', William Shakespeare
Saturday, October 19, 2002
A different quiz, what strange type of person are you? brought to you by Quizilla
haha.............. gee wiz!! i never knew that!! ***bimbo giggle***
oh well......... i suppose that's just as well right? it's always better to try and brighten someone's days than try to ruin it........... hmmm............ now that i've mentioned it........... haven't really tried e latter................ ***evil grin***
Life, never gives back no matter how much we put into it.
A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track. The train came, and you were just beside the track interchanger. You could have made the train change its course to the disused track and saved most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed.
Or would you rather let the train go its way?
Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. To save most of the children at the expense of only one child was a rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally.
But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place? Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.
This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how far-sighted and knowledgeable the minority are.
The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him. The kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake!
However, in a democratic society, a politician should by all means garner the support of the majority. To sacrifice one far-sighted visionary is only one vote lost, but to sacrifice the ignorant majority may cost the politician his majority support. Whatsoever decision you are going to make, choose not to stay away from the crowd and be sacrificed.
credits of this story go to eunyce......... thanks gal............. really enjoyed reading it, it really opened my eyes.... as u can tell.... ehehe ***gringrin***
after reading this, i felt as if i had just been given a slap in the face, a wake-up call to me, telling me that my idealism was just all that was, 'idealism'........... it's no point going on criticising e world around u, vile and corrupt as it may be........ when ultimately u need it to survive.......... to rail against it is plain self-destruction..............
yet it is sad to note that i, myself, feel that i have to succumb to the ignorant majority........... do i hold on fast to my righteous ways? or do i lower myself to the ignorance of the vast majority and deny myself my ideals? pragmatism vs truth.......... which will prevail? sad to say............. unless the truth is stuffed down the public's throat like a thanksgiving turkey, pragmatism will always win hands down..............
if u see a madman in the streets, u know he's mad cuz he ain't like e rest of u normal people who are dressed to e nines, and he's not behaving like 'the norm', not doing what everyone is doing................................ but, what if.............. we put u in e loony bin, and everyone around u acts different from u, different from the so-called 'norm' that u exist in............. what now? you are the outsider, who's behaving differently from the rest of the people around u.......... the tables have turned, and the 'norm' that you so familiarly know is not the norm anymore............. can we safely say that u are the only normal one? and the rest is abnormal? but theoretically speaking, the normal refers to the majority............ so in this case, you're the mad one then isn't it? it's all a matter of perception as to who's right who's wrong; who's crazy who's sane; who's smart who's dumb; who's fast who's slow....................... among the slugs a turtle's deemed the flash......... but within the rabbits, the turtle's way behind the rest...... we all know that age old story of e rabbit and e hare.................
so now the main crux surfaces: 'who, or what are we?'
blowjob............ orgasm......... sex on the beach................... pick one
u said it dong........... u so said it........... and hence u seal ur fate..... ahahah.................. well........... ain't really gonna hold u to it............ but if u insist.. hey! i'm game! eheheh............. u know where to get me............. eheheh
i like my marghueritas liquid............
imagine waking up everyday to hear an angel coaxing u awake................. bliss...................... a voice with the quality of jewel, without the sharpness; with the mellowness of frente without the helplessness; and the crispness of tanya chua.................. "if i were a guy, i'd be gushing over her man............."
nothing to describe it but a 'wow'..................
no offence, but i'm so glad i received complimentary tix to double bill.............. even though i cou.ldn't get a one-for-one drink after that, i still felt it was more worth it........... it was fantastic............. the first play was draggy and the diction was kinda unclear............ the second was less draggy but still kin draggy, funny, though prolonged........... well............... i'd be looking forward to seeing a penguin sipping a whiskey on the rocks, slowly, with its flippers, paying 4bucks for it, from its wallet at a bar........... eheheh
that'll be the day i tell myself "Daphne, u're drunk......... it's time u gave up drinking" but really.......... a penguin?!?~!? ahaha......... those who went for e show.... u know what i mean....... ***winkwink***
there comes a time when we're all caught in dilemmas, and i'm facing a couple now......... what do i do? what obligation comes face to face with preference and personal goals........ what then? and pragmatism clamps down hard on idealism? what have i got left except a handful of wispy ideals, slipping through the cracks of my fingers............. there comes a time when we all have to face up to these dilemmas and make our decision........... i don't wanna make em all at the same time........... hockey........ church.......... ambition.......... my life........ my beliefs......... must i choose?
oh well............ the long day has taken it's toll on me.......... waking early at 0800hrs......... playing hockey after months of inactivity in e hot sun........ going for a run after playing hockey after months of inactivity in e hot sun............ going home under the hot sun............... trying hard to cram lear into my head in the oppressive heat............... having to weigh pros and cons of my actions and decisions against its effect on the people around me and the effect on me from the effect of people around me............ the long ardous bus ride(which happened to be the wrong bus.... ehehe oppsss.........)......... the rush to get to srt on time............ the commotion and sense of now knowing what e hell's going on while instillation art hits you in the face, out of the blue............. sitting through an hour of torment and boredom(kind of a paradox isn't it?)............. sitting through another hour of lighter torment, which was lightening and breath-takingly amusing, initially(another paradox).............. catching a glimpse of an angel singing......... sitting through the final hour of torment of so called 'jazz' covers, which should be more appropriately called 'oldies'............ the wonderful amazing vocals of shimona, beautiful beautiful beautiful, simply angelic................ if i died and went to heaven, i wanna hear her voice singing to me when i awake................. the simply alcoholic margheurita and fries, yum............... the nonsensical non-stop jabbering from myself throughout the day.............. wonder where my fuel comes from... hmmm.................. ***yawn***
long day? seems so............ i dunno...... really looking forward to tomoro, or technically speaking, later today....... wonder if i'll get a shelling from my folks........ eheheh
oh well........ what's life without some adventure here and there? a lil uncertainty and tethering on the brink of being grounded for the erst of my active social life? of spending my time all out and having fun, playing hockey pubbing talking cock shopping drinking coffee blogging online icqing online chilling out by listenins to good music live or recorded................ all at the risk of screwing up my 'a's and subsequently the rest of my life? i'm jabbering ain't i? told ya so................... till then............. toodeloo.....
***silly grin***
Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through
Into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living the life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say
Every time I see you falling
I'll get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say
- 'Bizarre Love Triangle', Frente
Thursday, October 17, 2002
just happened to chance upon this site........... where people were publicising themselves online and trying to get dates and look for life partners................. happened to chanc upon this guy's profile, http://personals.msn.com.sg/smt/msnsing/smt.cfm?pg=display_profile&id=M2040773
makes me wonder............... if he makes himself out to be as wonderful and interesting and outgoing and happening as he is, then why does he need to be
"looking for eternal bliss
share - the same thoughts|ideas
has - individuality|passion|intellectual traits
be - open-minded|unique|sensitive"
online? why doesn't he just go out and get someone whom i'm sure he will, in time to come................ well.......... if any gal with "intellectual traits" happens to chance upon this.......... you think she'd give him two hoots? his name may not be ryan or trevor, but he sure as hell does fit into my checklist version 1.7 doesn't he............ but hell! do i see me contacting him? hell no!
really saddens me............... he does sound like a rather interesting and nice guy............. but why does he have to try looking for 'eternal bliss' online? looking for a specific thing on the net is a good as looking for a needle in a haystack.............. i know i can't judge him or what he does............. but the intent may be genuine, but the means is wrong............. is this the state we're degenerating to now? in our 'knowledge-based economy' and our 'internet' and 'advanced technology'? such that we can't find a date of spouse on our own? if that is the case, then technology really has done us a great grievance rather than right........................
What is wrong with us?
okie!!~!~ made some amendments to my checklist version 1.7.......... fret not.............. it's still gonna b called checklist version 1.7...... ehehhe
Checklist Version 1.7
1. sweaty palms......... cuz then we'd both understand how the other feels..........
2. a passion for the arts....... could be theatre, music, art, dance, anything, u name it..........
3. a love for reading
4. twisted sense of humour
5. active and athletic
6. enthusiastic and bubbly, but not without his own isolation and independent moments
7. nice thick dark hair to run my fingers through........ since i ain't got no thick mane of mine......... his will just hafta do......... heeheh
8. animal lover..... turtle lover...........
9. anarchist and left-winger
10. spontaneous
11. either named ryan or trevor..... for no other reasons except that i fell in love with the names in pri sch............ really............
12. can cook! cuz i can't........... eheheh........ for e moment.............. maybe i'll learn? maybe not.......... ***gringrin***
13. to die before i do.......... cuz i couldn't bear the thought of leaving him behind with the pain while i move on..........
14. kinky behaviour........ (no dirty thoughts please..... tis a family entertainment programme)
15. horror movie freak!!! YEAH!~ more gore!~~!
16. cleans and tidies e house......... cuz i don't......... ***gringrin***
17. into blues and rock..........
18. able to see the absurdity in every possible situation life throws at him...........
aww............. i' b be delighted if my life partner possesses those 18 attributes.............. but hell......... even if he doesn't, i'd still love him all the same...............
least i hope i do................ ***gringrin***
today blogger.com just so totally pissed me off........................ hell............. couldn't access my blogs for the day!~~! think of that~!~! ***indignant cry***
well................... least now it's back up again............ ***happiness***
ever wondered how we take things for granted and don't realise how much it matters to us only until it's gone? makin it a personal oath to see the goos bright side to every thing that's thrown at me...................... hope i can do it........... and appreciate the things/people that never fail to be by my side........... i am loved.......... ***smile***
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
'Let everything go to God....searching for the answer is futile cuz there aint no answer at all....he knows whats perfect for u and he will never let u settle for what he thinks is second best for u...keep searching for the blessing...it doesnt come immediately...maybe only after 5 yrs then u'll realise what was it that God wanted for u....'
yes cherrie................ i so totally agree with u............ it's true................. i look back at what i've been moping about, griping about, ranting and raving about, trying to deal with, and i realise it's all an act of futility.............. maybe that's why i like beckett and ionesco so much................... because their plays speak so much, yet in so little tiny ways they seem to be nonsensical........................ it's no wonder BALANCE was based on an absurd play 'catastrophies'.......... how aptly named............ BALANCE itself was a catastrophe....... one that emerged a miracle in the end............... it was through this trying period with BALANCE that i felt i grew so much......... so much such that i thought i would burst if i had to go through another day with them.................. it truly made me take a step back and look at the world and its workings from a different angle.........
i always ask myself, and God......... why? why is it that things don't go the way i want them to, and they do for others...................... i know it's cuz it's not meant to be, cause God's got other things in store for me............ but why can't i accept that? why do i insist on being the brat that i am and hanker after what's not meant to be mine? it's easier said than done............ but i'm on it........... i'm trying Lord................ please give me the strength i need............ and the faith and trust.......... i'm not a strong person, i know.......... take my hand and lead me Lord.............. 'draw me close to You.......... never let me go...... i lay it all down again............ to hear You say that i'm Your friend................... You are my desire..... no one else will do.............. You're all i want... You're all i ever needed... You're all i want.......... help me know You are near............'
my turtle's still lying in it's tank................ i cannot bring myself to get it out............ what do i do?
i nearly punched my lil bro just now when he commented that i was heartless and inhuman cuz i wasn't sad that my turtle died................. i swear if this were an animated flick i'd have seen him wrung on the clothesline, tongue hanging out, face purple, gone through the roller and washing machine and dryer, cracked like and egg and beaten and whipped like cream.................. but alas.................... tis life................. so i just sat quietly and read my king lear............ so much for fulfilling your dreams...........
i thought i needed a lil lightenin up, so while bathing i conceived a notion.............. (i get most of my ideas while bathing....... kinky and non-kinky ones... ***gringrin***) i was gonna post a list of seventeen attributes which would be lovely if my future spouse possessed them................ just for laughs................ he doesn't necessarily have to have them.......... it would just be 17 extra plus points if he did............... cuz i'd still love him all the same.............. here goes...............
Checklist Version 1.7
1. sweaty palms......... cuz then we'd both understand how the other feels..........
2. a passion for the arts....... could be theatre, music, art, dance, anything, u name it..........
3. a love for reading
4. twisted sense of humour
5. active and athletic
6. enthusiastic and bubbly, but not without his own isolation moments
7. nice thick dark hair to run my fingers through........ since i ain't got no thick mane of mine......... his will just hafta do......... heeheh
8. animal lover..... turtle lover...........
9. anarchist and left-winger
10. spontaneous
11. heavy sleeper........... so i can make breakfast for us and surprise him.................
12. can cook! cuz i can't........... eheheh........ for e moment.............. maybe i'll learn? maybe not.......... ***gringrin***
13. to die before i do.......... cuz i couldn't bear the thought of leaving him behind with the pain while i move on..........
14. kinky behaviour........ (no dirty thoughts please..... tis a family entertainment programme)
15. horror movie freak!!! YEAH!~ more gore!~~!
16. cleans and tidies e house......... cuz i don't......... ***gringrin***
17. into blues and rock..........
18. can take my shit (so to speak)........ able to keep up with my ever changing shifts, in attention; mood; whatever...............
there it is!!! i'm done........... didn't think i'd get through it... but i did!~ well........... i know i said 17...... but i just couldnt resist adding in the last bit......... eheheh........... it's all just for laughs............ no real intent................. there's more to a relationship than such skin-deep stuff........... but to all things there's always got to be some superficiality to even things out and lighten stuff so it doesn't get too heavy-going...........
cheerios!!!!~!!!~!~
everyday it's getting closer
going faster than a roller coaster
a love like yours would surely come my way
everyday seems a little faster
all my friends they say go on up and ask her
a love like yours would surely come my way
everyday it seems a little stronger
everyday it lasts a little longer
come what may do you ever long for
true love from me
like I long for you baby
everyday seems a little closer
going faster than a roller coaster
a love like yours would surely come my way
a love like yours would surely come my way
everyday
-'everyday' , James Taylor
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
you are loved
i took for granted the fact that turtles/terrapins/tortoises all tend to have long lives............. won't die......... blah blah.................
i was wrong
my pet turtle of 5 years is dead, and from the looks of things............... for more than just a day..................... i so wanted to shoot myself when i walked past their tank............ i separated then cuz they got a lil too big to be sharing tanks and one kept bullying the other, biting off her(i think) claws and always climbing on top of her......... so they had their own tank.......... and every thing was hunky-dory............ but till a few days ago my mum usurped one of their tanks for her ever growing collection of luohans..... so there they were, back to square one, except not quite really, for this time round, they were bigger and more irritable, being older, and the comfort of their own space was taken away from them............ space enough only to do a 360degree turn without scraping its partner by a few cm..............
so i just merrily walked past them without so much as a glance, only catching them fom the corner of my eye, the occasional one on top of the other........... lalala............ then as i waltzed past them thoughtlessly, i just got this pitful feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach........... so i stopped short........... waited for the guy to get off the gal................ and there she was, hollow eyed and pasty, skin peeling off and placid............... dead.
how i wanted to kick myself............. i felt so guilty, as if i were the one who caused its death................. i seldom fed them, only when i was feeling exuberant that day..... i left the feeding to my mum........... and they were supposed to be my pets....................
so there he was, swimming; crawling; climbing; living; breathing alongside his dead companion of 5 long years.............. i felt repulsed by the thought............ how could i let my baby go through such torture? i once chided fong for letting his pet turtles which were a birthday gift die after only a few days............ how cruel he was and inhuman........... yet here i am, no better..... possibly even worse................ least his turtles died together................ mine's lonely now..................
i watched him going about his normal stuff............ in the tank clamouring after me, crawling clumsily to and fro, thinkng i was gonna feed him......... with no thought as to his companion............... was he even aware of the light of things? i dunno...............
i watched her little limp saggy head bob up and down in the turbulent waters caused by his excited crawls for food; her outstretched limbs never to e retracted again............ swishing about in the stagnant waters................. then so softly and gently resting back onto the cool surface of the tank.................. in that unassuming corner.............. she was always the quieter one...................... her hollow eyes couldn't even stare back at me, as much as i wanted them to................ i choked back my anguished cries and helplessly willed myself to tear myself away from that scene of death........... cezzane came and sat by me, staring up at me with his huge deep comforting eyes............ yet i felt no comfort...................... how could i? when a life was gone? a life that stood by me through the more turbulent years of my sweet young life......... her carefreeness now gone............... reflected in an emptiness that draws and sucks..............
i did the only thing i could.................. to cry..............
but that was not enough............... not by a long way...........................
does he know what's going on? i couldn't do a thing about it................ i just fed him............ him, there in the tank with the dead carapace, thrashing wildly in the water for food, alongside his dead friend.......... the thought of what i was doing sickened me...... yet i could do nothing else to bring any comfort to anyone or anything............. and so i fed him.................
now she is still lying there, motionless, beside his vibrancy............ will the echoing emptiness drain the life out of him? i have no idea............ i cannot bring myself to touch her......... to cleanse him of the filth that swims in the murky waters that he calls home.............. what am i to do? i feel so helpless...........
what is this about taking things for granted?................. i'm always goin on and on about it.............. yet know it's bit me in the arse........... slapped me in the face, and wrenched from me a life....................... i seldom fed them, leaving the job of taking after my pets to my mum.................. so much for taking things for granted............. now i've lost a part of it.................. painful lesson.......................
she still sits there in her corner...................... i dunno what to do....................... please come home mummy............ i cannot do this on my own...................
I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no girl reaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no
When I'm ridin' round the world
And I'm doin' this and I'm signing that
And I'm tryin' to make some girl
Who tells me baby better come back later next week
'Cause you see I'm on losing streak
I can't get no, oh no no no
Hey hey hey, that's what I say
- (I can't get no) Satisfaction , Rolling stones
why is it that we've all seem to have our basic needs and wants fulfilled, yet we still aren't satisfied? we still yearn and ache for the excess, and in the course of not getting it, we ache and burn more, blaming our fortune; what surrounds us; the people around us; the people who couldn't/wouldn't fulfill our wants............. everyone and everything else.................. aside from our own selves.............. are we that blind? or ignorant? or just plain stupid? or self-righteous? i can sy for sure that i'm definitely not satistifed the way i am................. i'm just........... nonchalent............... not satisfied, but nonchalent........... as if what i have and own were a given, that's it's my given right............ i do look at those who are less fortunate and thin about how fortunate i am, but i also look at those who have what i don't, and think 'why can't i have that too?' is it just a human condition? it seems so................ but it is this inability to be satisfied that's gonna slowly eat away at us isn't it? i desperately want something i can never have.... i think.............. i even hanker after it............. obsessing myself with it.................... it's not doing anyone any good......... least of all not me........ but do i care? well, a lil............. but not enough for me to snap out of it and tell myself to get a life........................
life is a paradox................ how can one be so totally obsessive over something that once doesn't even own? would anyone care to enlighten me on that one? hmmm........... i can't get no satisfaction......... truly............
They say everything can be replaced
They say every distance is not near
So I remember every face
Of every man who put me here
They say every man needs protection
They say that every man must fall
Yet I swear I see my reflection
Somewhere so high above this wall
- 'i shall be released', the band
Monday, October 14, 2002
everyday it's getting closer
going faster than a roller coaster
a love like yours would surely come my way
everyday seems a little faster
all my friends they say go on up and ask her
a love like yours would surely come my way
everyday it seems a little stronger
everyday it lasts a little longer
come what may do you ever long for
true love from me
like I long for you baby
everyday seems a little closer
going faster than a roller coaster
a love like yours would surely come my way
a love like yours would surely come my way
everyday
-'everyday' , James Taylor
it's like my obsession with the number 17, except worse, and unjustified............... getting more intense at certain moments............ yet at others, a background flutter........... and to others, a mere uncontrolled adolescent obsession......................
'What am I supposed to do with this gobstopper?'
Sunday, October 13, 2002
once a skeptic, now a believer in ephemeral beauty...
to think that i once scoffed at those who went for national day specially for the fireworks and proclaimed how grand it was, the many who rush to their doorstep of their strategic homes just for the lil moment of sparkle in the sky, the countless who gushed about the fireworks and their brilliance................ yet i was one of the many by the singapore river yesterday night, awaiting the aptly named 'harbour spectacular'................. it's redundant, wasting time and effort, all at the cost that few moments of bright incipience above, which does no one any good, save but to add to the effects of acid rain and haze problems already faced by us................. it is difficult for me to comprehend why anyone would want to spend the time and effort being oppressed by the sweltering heat and being surrounded by pushing and shoving people........... withstanding those hours of pure torment for that short moment of brief brilliance.............. when your life is nonetheless still the same as it was before and not drastically changed, and no difference is made, save for that moment of night turning into day, which will eventually fade away............... i was sitting on the steps of marina square when i first saw the pristine white flames of purity some spewing from the 'spikes' of the esplanade itself....... followed by a cannon of works and beautiful flowers of light in the night sky........ ' so pretty' was the only thing i could mutter incessantly to myself...... the only thought that kept running through my head while i stood at a standstill, watching the life of these gorgeous blossoms die out only seconds after they've come to life.............. is it worth wasting those hours for that one lil moment? i recall a girl standing in front of me commenting in the midst of the fireworks 'wah, i wanna get married now'.............. are they unable to see the absurdity and futility? or do i refuse to see the ephemeral beauty which exists? for to admit it is as good as admitting that we are all but the same, shining once ever so brightly, only to be extinguished forever...........
portrait of a drowning man...
i find myself increasingly possessive of something that is not even mine............... that i can't even associate with............... yet the longing to be part of it is so great and massive that it is almost suffocating me................... how many fitless nights have i spent pondering over it, unable to rid my mind of the thought................. to free myself from it's unwitting grasp? they say that there is logic in madness............ yet in my insane quest i see no truth....... no way out............. no through road............ no reason................. no hard and fast way out................ nothing for me to cling to....................... no logic in my insanity......... am i to suffocate in this cloud that surrounds me? it clouds me yet i am unable to grasp unto it.................... the lack of something concrete.............. real............. clinging onto nothingness............ hoping against hope............. i'm being withheld against my wishes within my wishes.............. i need a way out.................... fast............
am i being a pure brat? or are my parents just doing what they wish and not taking into consideration my wants? i got pissed off with them over something inane and mundane............... dinner......................... don't believe myself............... without knowing i caused my two brothers to sort out an argument they had, yet i myself am embroiled in a disagreement with my mum...................... the family is the basic unit....... yet within this unit itself there are internal politics and refusals to compromise..... what then? i can't seem to find a way out of the rut i'm in........... a refusal to compromise, refusal to see each other's point of view, inability to emphathise with the other, unwillingness to listen to the other and work things out, lack of justification.............. is that how it's supposed to be? will someone show me the way out? to take me by the hand and say everything'll be okie? i believe so.......... but the important question surfaces: when?
while i was in church today a song just suddenly hit home........... for no rhyme or reason, but it just did.......... beautiful song.......... written for a reason.... unlike so much of the world that surrounds us today..............
little child
dry your crying eyes
how can I explain
the fear you feel inside
cause you were born
into this evil world
where mass is killing man
and no one knows just why
what we have become
just look what we have done
all that we destroyed
you must build again
when the children cry
let them know we tried
cause when the children sing
then the new world begins
little child
you must show the way
to a better day
for all the young
cause you were born
for all the world to see
that we all can live
with love and peace
no more presidents
and all the wars will end
one united world
under god
when the children cry
let them know we tried
when the children fight
let them know it ain't right
when the children pray
let them know the way
cause when the children sing
then the new world begins
- "when the children cry' , white lion
But lovers always come and lovers always go
And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain
Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you
Sometimes I need some time...on my own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one
- 'November Rain' , Guns 'n' Roses
Friday, October 11, 2002
tsd2001....... this is for you..............
We are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See our friends, see the sights
Feel alright!
We wake up, we go out
Smoke a fag, put it out
See our friends, see the sights
Feel alright!
Are we like you?
I can't be sure
After seeing as she turns
We are strange in our worlds
But we are young
We get by
Can't go mad, 'aint got time
Sleep around if we like
But we're alright!
Got some cash, bought some wheels
Took it out, 'cross some fields
Lost control, hit a wall
But we're alright!
Are we like you?
I can't be sure
After scene as she turns
We are strange in our worlds
But we are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See our friends, see the sights
Feel alright!
- 'Alright' , Supergrass
ceteris paribus
when all things remain constant........... does it mean that we remain constant too? or do we change as the things that surround us remain constant?
"ceteris paribus is our name.......... darrell justin azrul and fong.........you know it can't go wrong........."
today was the last time i'll ever hear ceteris paribus sing, probably............., the loss is great............ but i guess the thought and knowledge of my jc life ending is greater............ or rather... already ended............. sigh............ surprisingly i didn't cry today.. ahah......... i amaze myself at times yah? well............ there were moments when i was on the fringe of tears..... but i somehow held it back....... and they never came to be............... is this an accomplishment? why the need to conceal my feelings and nostalgia? is this how we've come to live our lives in this artificial world? where we can't show our true feelings? else at the risk of being labelled a freak? but or is it that we've gotta be in control of our emotions? well.......... i'm pretty much in control.......... i think........... ehehh..... but i'm sure ling-yu and chinwei'll think otherwise............ hehhe.......... what with my incessant one-sided conversations with myself......... car-watching and my obsession with them, unable to tear my eyes away from the road when i should be concentrating on my studying........... commenting to myself the colours.. or rather......... the lack of colours of singaporean cars..... and protons............ ahha............. if only we could live our life like that, passing our time away idly........... taking time off to notice the smaller, mundane things in life........... we wouldn't be needing psychiatrists would we?
the greatest ct an arts class can have
my sincerest apologies to our dear mr teo........... who braved cold sprays and us hot on his heels to let us off early every lesson.............. really hope you'll enjoy the keep-mr-teo-sane kit we've got for you........................ was our brainchild......... ehehhe......... totally innocent fun yah? contrary to popular belief... we are not a bunch of depraved kids with raging hormones who're out of control.............. we're worse........ eheheh........... well....... hope u didn't get into much trouble today after the lil cooling down you got from us............. ***gringrin***.......... i'm glad i had the honour of being the first to commit the act.......... ehhhehe.............. hope you weren't too miffed by it........... we love you lots!!!!!!!!! take care and put the kit to good use yah?? dun let our efforts go to waste...... ehehhe.... you still owe us a pubbing experience........ ***threatening look***
we had our first ever almost complete class outing......... wow................ we went to tandoori.......... fond memories... awww............. sigh................. now they're just wisps..... gotta let go of them yet i can't bear to............ wanna grab onto em but they slip through my fingers.............. ummm................. wonderful memory............. just a pity that it had to occur on our last day together officially as a class................... it's odd isn't it? when the best thing always happens at the last monent...... but not sooner.............. if it had occured sooner would we have not cherished it just as much? but the memory would be longer.... yet would it be just as sweet? remains a mystery to me..........
2j
oh sigh......... met an old friend............... more memories.................... just found out i dun really keep in touch much with my sec2 class............ which was really close-knit.......... almost the closest class i've ever been in..................... somehow............ the reminiscing felt kinda artificial............ fake.................. the girl was a real close friend of mine..... but well.............. things just turned sour..................... she's still as loud and brash............ no change.......... maybe louder and more in-your-face............ some people never change yah? well............... she said the same thing of me............... no complains................ it's the way things turn out......... how some people say things yet you wonder............ do they really mean it? or are they just saying it plainly for the sake of saying it? or are they saying it just to play the good guy? when behind your back they'll go bitching about u................. it works both ways............. doesn't it? i do the same thing don't i? if not, what am i doing now if not bitching? about her and her flippant suggestions of a class gathering 4 years after the class has gone separate ways and no one knows where everyone else is.............. she suggests and we all say YEAH good idea!.......... but do we really mean it too? or are we just patronizing them? can we ever live without this mask of deceit? or is it just an essential tool of survival??
oh man..................... so many things happened today.......... my mind's in a jumble............... the day was poignant, fun, glad, gossipy, frustrating, intriguing, sweet......... i can't pen them all down.......... i'm at a loss now............ sigh................
cherbert
thanks you both sweeties................... the card was really touching............. didn't see it coming.............. told myself i wanted to write a lil card to all the yr1s i know......... tsd, class, hockey, fac capts.............. but well............ it'll take me till next yr to do it....... knowing what a proscratinator i am.............. was really a nice pleasant lil surprise to find that two special people found the effort to do something for me................. awww.............. it's the lil things we do that touch our hearts so much............... if only we could each take a il time out evryday to do a lil something special for the people that matter to us................ then things would be a whole lot easier wouldn't they? no need for friendship day or birthdays to do nice things for each other............... everyday is just as special if the thought's genuine....................
everyday it's getting closer
going faster than a roller coaster
a love like yours would surely come my way
everday seems a little faster
all my friends they say go on up and ask her
a love like yours would surely come my way
everyday it seems a little stronger
everyday it lasts a little longer
come what may do you ever long for
true love from me
a love like yours would surely come my way
everyday
- 'everyday' , james taylor
Thursday, October 10, 2002
Which Magical Order Are You In? brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Spiritualist. Your magic flows from the primal forces of the cosmos. You could be a gentle Healer, a miraculous Prophet or a spirit-summoning War-mage with the strong link your soul provides to the realms beyond reality. You have preternatural abilities, intutively sensing the personality of people you meet and discerning events yet to happen. You enhance your aura with meditative pursuits. You are a good judge of character but your idealism or morality can confuse others.
What type of artist are you? brought to you by Quizilla
You're the rennaisance artist. True genuis of your time. You really are ahead of your generation... A solid rock of a writer and artist all around. Very eloquent in all that you do...
I need a guy to ride, ride, ride
I need a guy to make my life
I need a guy who's mine oh mine
I need a guy in my life
Yo, I'm internationally known on the microphone
I got it all, but I really need a guy at home
Need a guy that could stand me, raise me a family
Most of these guys be confusin me
I don't know if they really love me or they usin me
That's why I need a guy that be true to me
Know bout the game, and know how to do to me
Without a guy on my side, shit'll ruin me
Forget the world guy, it's you and me
I need a guy to ride, ride, ride
I need a guy to make my life
I need a guy who's mine oh mine
I need a guy in my life
I need a guy to ride, ride, ride
I need a guy to be my life
Nobody else cuz he's all mine
I need a guy in my life
I want some real shit, I need somebody I can chill with
I need somebody I can build with
I need somebody I can hold tight
Wintertime and its full lit, snow white
Anytime we together feel so right
You the guy I been lookin for my whole life
God bless me, I'm glad I got the insight
It's cuz of you guy, now I understand life
- P. Diddy
Did you see the sky?
I think it means that we've been lost.
Maybe one less time is all we need.
I can't really help it
if my tongue's all tied in knots.
Jumping off a bridge -
it's just the farthest that I've ever been.
Anywhere you go
I will follow you down.
Anyplace but those I know by heart.
Anywhere you go
I will follow you down.
I'll follow you down, but not that far.
I know we're headed somewhere
I can see how far we've come.
Still I can't remember anything.
Let's not do the wrong thing
And I'll swear it might be fun.
It's a long way down
When all the knots we've tied
have come undone.
How you gonna ever find your place
running in an artificial pace.
Are they ever gonna find us
lying face down in the sand.
So what the hell
we've already been forever damned.
- 'Follow You Down' , Gin Blossoms
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
Like mushrooms.
to those who take lit paper3............. you'd probably recognise that from regeneration.......... the much hated text..... ehhehe.............. well i hope for your sake you do remem it....... if not then well... pull up the socks people!!!!!!!!!!!
we were at burger king today.... and boy... was it crowded man................. there was this bunch of irritating lower sec chung cheng kids..... and the girl was 'positively giggling' away man!!!!!!! (quoting beautiful... hehe) angie and i were just looking in their general direction and commenting on em... when we heard a meek voice saying 'stare back lah'............... beautiful and i positively laughed out loud man............... what's with that false bravado? but i guess.... looking back now......... we were like that once weren't we? i know i was......... ehheeh............ ***shameful*** well............. the innocence of immaturity........... i suppose it's a rite of passage we all go through......... that kinda i'm-so-great-i-can-take-the-world-on-my-own attitude............ how ignorant.............. but as they say.... ignorance is bliss.......... now we're all frail and battered.... thinking how complicated things are now, as opposed to when we were kids......... which was more complicated than when our parents were kids........ which, as opposed to when their parents were kids..................... and it goes on................ i guess when the time comes to our kids..................... they'd be having driver's ed in primary6............. and clubbing when they're in primary school.............. if they don't already do so now.............. hmm.................
just some thoughts on love and marriage after a talk with 'mah girlfriend' justyn......... u rock on girl!!!! ***gringrin***
we sit in silence
a marriage license
is all you know, all you know, all you know
we sit and chew gum
watch television
and you know, and you know, and you know
that there's oceans between us
light years that screen us
oceans that drift away
oceans that fade to grey
we sit and rot here
resenting each year
will you go, will you go, will you go
we sing the old songs
the beatbox plays on
and you know, and you know, and you know
that there's oceans between us
light years that screen us
like oceans we drift away
oceans we fade to grey
between us there's oceans
there's life in slow motion
quietly we drift away
quietly we fade to grey
- 'Oceans' , Suede
can't you see i love you
please don't break my heart in two
that's not hard to do
cuz i don't have a wooden heart
and if you say goodbye
then i know that i will cry
maybe i would die
cuz i don't have a wdooen heart
there's no strings upon
this love of mine
it was always you from the start
teat me nice treat me good
treat me like you really should
cuz im not made of wood
and i don't have a wooden heart
cuz i don't have a wooden heart
- 'Wooden Heart' , Lizard's Convention
"people don't get together in one day, amidst those 6,7 years, at least half of the years are spent building on trust. I give my guy 5 years =P he has 5 years to know me and gain my trust, before I start officially dating him.. and then I can marry him within the next 1-2 years =P it's not the dating part, it's the part before dating"
funny that never occured to me......... i always thought (and kinda still do) that it's really a scary notion to date a person for a couple of years.. say 6-7....... then decide u wanna spend e rest of your life with that person............... well............ 6-7 years is a helluva short time if u think about the lifetime you're gonna be spending with that person................ but well.............. like someone pointed out above............ it's not the dating part that's important............ it's the before dating that matters...... where you earn each other's trust and learn to put yourself in each other hands and know that person will take the utmost care of you............ still.......... it's a daunting thought to consider.................. what if it's wrong? people change afterall don't they? what then?
times have changed........... people do get together in a day............... the teenage couples that we see around us...... it's all in the name of fun......... they're debauching the name of love............ how can they take it so lightly? 'not happy ah? break lorh'......... that's such a common phrase isn't it? what's fast becoming of our society and it's people? are we all like that? or is it just a minority? or the vast majority? it bothers me...........
in this sea of people how am i supposed to know who's the one for me? unlike most young people nowdays, i believe in the one.......... kinda outdated as it may sound................ but i believe that there's someone made out for everyone out there............ and no matter where you go or what you do and what happens to you......... you'll find each other.............. that's a consoling thought........... unless of course my one met with a fatal car accident when he was nine and i never got to meet him........... then that's plain sad.............. i'm destined to a life of spinsterhood.............. whoppie-doo-dah................
there're just too many questions to ask and no answers to find................ i guess i shall take a break and dun strain the brain............. sleep should do me good.......... it's time i turned in anyway................ goodnite world..............
'....you've gotta be cruel to be kind............'
i think about it and i'm beginning to see clearer what they mean when they say that......... it's much more merciful to give someone the ultimatum isn't it? rather than tethering on the edge of not knowing what to expect and give? to a certain someone, it's not what you get in the end, but the process of getting there........ (haha....... i got that from 'Bedazzled'........ can you imagine? but well............. i agree with that.......................) life's a journey, made up of lil quests and peppered with tiny bonus games that not all of us get to play.............. but it doesn't matter what the points we accumulate are or whether we're in the red.......... what matters is that at the end of the day, we can say without a doubt that we had fun, and that we weren't unscrupulous............ as long as we can lift our head up high.................
Hey, Hey
Did you ever think
There might be another way
To just feel better,
Just feel better about today
Oh no
If you never want to have
To turn and go away
You might feel better,
Might feel better if you stay
Yeah yeah
I bet you haven't heard
A word I've said
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough
Of all your tryin'
Just give up
The state of mind you're in
If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind...
Hey hey
Have you ever danced in the rain
Or thanked the sun
Just for shining, just for shining
Or the sea?
Oh no, take it all in
The world's a show
And yeah, you look much better,
Look much better when you glow
Hey hey
what ya say
We both go and seize the day
'cause what's your hurry
what's your hurry anyway
- 'change your mind', sister hazel
the state of heaven of hell is all in our mind; there exists a heaven on earth if we stop being myopic and look in the right places.................... but its equivalent exists too............ if we search too hard; too desperately; in the wrong places; for the wrong reasons........ we might just land ourselves in hell..............
Cheerios!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
yo girlfriend!!!!!
***gringrin*** set!! Lox it is!!!!! ehhe........ dun need after my exams........... as shakira sings "whenever, wherever".... eheheh
u gotta carpe diem man.......... well.......... hope your school-less monday went great........ i'm gonna start hitting my books........ (literally man.. from e frustration.. eheh) well......... study hard both of us.......... and try and cya on sunday........... ***bites lower lip***
oh.......... my blog has got shout-out!!!!!! hhehe..... yay!!!!!! thanks to dennis...... xiexie ni............ ***gringrin***
**happiness***
How Emotional Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
Balanced. You accept your emotions as normal and are not overly happy nor depressed. You are emotionally balanced and should find peace in the way you deal with life situations. Your emotions are normal and well understood. You see the light in the dark.
am i?? hmm.......... yet there are time when i walk along the dark tunnel and i just wish for a bomb to cause it to cave in and bury all along with it.......... it's not suicidal, it just makes everything easier to deal with..... by obliterating everything, there's nothing.............. talk about the easy way out................. ***reassuring smile to the comrades of mine who feel undeserving, anguish, pain, indignance, frustration, desperation.... we're all in this together......***
well................... thank you, all you darlings who shared my anguish and frustration.............. you took time and energy out of your packed life and share it with me, and i am thankful for the emotional support.... plus mental support............. it truly showed me that i am not alone in this, and that even in times when it seems as if the tunnel's about to collapse, there are people outside of it enforcing it with pillars.........
i was just reading King Lear, and it chanced upon me how hypocritical humans are............. how behind the masks that we put on we can hurt people and not feel the least shard of remorse................ also........... that lear himself.............. who loved cordelia the most concealed it before his court, yet he wanted to bestow upon her the largest and best share of his kingdom when he pretended that all was the same.............. why can't we show our true self? is it that when we do others would not accpet us? or is it that we ourselves, are unable to accept the ugly beings that we are? how do we live with ourselves? shakepseare wrote the play in medieval times, and i'm sure it was with regard to the state of his society.......... and this ugly truth applies even now........... when we're supposedly more civilised and advanced........... yet our morality has stayed the same.................. as much as i am put off by the notion....... i cannot help but know that i am like that too....... we all are.......... that is what defines us as humans...... is it not?
how do i live with myself?
"My eyes were in tears before yours saw the truth." - Kadmos , The Bacchae
we all cry Soulitary........... be it inwardly or outwardly............. but the important thing is accepting it and coming to terms with it................ we have no control over what happens around us and to us...... however people chose to think of us, do for us, do to us, these are all outside of our grasp................ yet the one thing we are totally in control of is how we feel, and it is this that determines us as individuals.................... some people are blessed that they attract company and pillars of support for them, others are less fortunate, they do not have the luxury of an endless pool of 'adoring adorable people' at their feet........... yet the one thing that matters is how they react to their surroundings................... it is no use feeling undeserving for what you have......... it only makes things worse........ it is a given, and with this given, you can achieve great things............ utilise this pool of potential you've got and make the best out of it, instead of harping on the fact as to why it's you, and not someone else who's got the luxury........... the way to break the illusion is to accept it and come to terms with it, then can you break it and form a new foundation for a greater dream......... "I...am...George....I...am...." just like Martha, we're all beings who need to tear others down to bring ourselves up............ but it is often the ones whom we tear down who make us see how low-down we are, and we require their strength to build ourselves up again................
TRUTH, you are savage... - Kadmos, The Bacchae
would you be my lover?
would you be the one?
would you be like no other?
for how long?
yes, i'll be your wild flower
grown through e concretes
and born to the backbeat of the stars
yes, i'm just a stupid guy
crushed like a butterfly
dead-eyed at the drive-by in a car
like flies on a windscreeen
like insects in glue
we could stick together
if u wanted to
yes, i'll be your wild flower
grown through the concrete streets
and born to the backbeat of e stars
yes, i'm just a stupid guy
crushed like a butterfly
dead-eyed at the drive-by in a car
you're a stupid guy
crushed like a, a butterfly
dead-eyed at e drive-by in a car
- "Untitled" , suede
Monday, October 07, 2002
Which ArchAngel are you most like? brought to you by Quizilla
Rafael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Healing. You want people to shape up, and you nag. But you mean well, and you're well loved despite it. Or because of it. You bring the donuts even as you tell people to eat more veggies.
and once again........... my bubble is burst....................
okie............... the much-awaited dreaded moment arrived, and left.............. mum confronted me........... mum slammed me............. mum left me high and dry....... mum won hands down................ mum wouldn't even state her case.............. didn't answer my 'why's, just adament on her point of view........ no consideration for mine......... just shut ears and refusal to listen to me...... so obviously in denial, trying to run away from my questions.......... cuz she has no answer....... only a dead mindset and conventional ideas, closed to unfamiliar things........ typical of a dysfunctional asian family...............
'You're not a christian, you're a buddhist. What do you go to church for?' ouch........... that hurt............ and no mum, our family's not buddhist, contrary to what you think......... it's taoist............. funny isn't it? they don't even know that their practise are taoist, not buddhist, and there they are, telling me i'm one of them when they can't even make it clear what they are.............. feeling too washed out to laugh about it.................. ***sinking feeling***
(just knew my funny unresolute feeling was justified when they didn't say a word just now) ***am i gonna pride myself on being psychic? now that's gonna be inane......... but then again........ what in life isn't?***
it's funny(okie........ maybe retarded's the word) how they leave the decision of what uni i'm going to for the next 3 years in a foreign land to myself, yet something like where i spend my sundays is dictated by them............. makes me wanna laugh when i think about it.......... well.... maybe not laugh............ more of sneer................. how ironic can life get? it's like a grinning skull staring right straight at me, knowing that i can't challenge it and it's gloating at my defencelessness................ unfair...............
it's really unfair.............. when i've been dumped into this mould and i can't find my way out cuz it's forbidden................ it's like plato's cave............... it's suicidal i swear...........
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***frustration abounds***
when will we quit being IGNORANT?!~?~!?!~?
URGH......................... like some ancient computer game/movie....... e evil bad guy monster refers to humans as 'insolent fools'......... yeap.. agree with him.............. the big guy knows what he's talking about............. we don't......................... maybe the word 'moron' derived from 'mortal'?? gee....... probably............ ***frown***
well................. she had the final last say.............. i couldn't defend myself much.............. not when she refused to answer my questions on why i couldn't go church and just just kept insisting that i couldn't, plainly having a conversation that was so dominated by her............... it coulda been a monologue and it wouldn't have made a difference............. soooooooooooo adament on me being a 'buddhist'............ like YO!!!!!!!!!!!! ***sorry beautiful... promised you i wouldn't use that word but i just.cant.help.it..............*** and soooooooooooo adament on me not going church...................... who the hell is she to dictate my life thoughts and decisions? it's one thing that she's my mum............... but decisions to do with MY life........ they're MINE............... urgh........... ***grumblegrumble***
why are we so narrow minded? why are humans so contrived? why are asians such suckers for tradition? ***pulls at hair*** (as one can probably tell..... i'm feeling frustrated....... and it doesn't help that my bro is behind my back talking to me as if i wasn't doing anything but listening to him...... urgh............ he is soooooooo thick sometimes.............)
They say everything can be replaced
They say every distance is not near
So I remember every face
Of every man who put me here
I see my light come shining
From the west down to the east
Any day now, any day now
I shall be released
They say every man needs protection
They say that every man must fall
Yet I swear I see my reflection
Somewhere so high above this wall
Now yonder stands a man in this lonely crowd
A man who swears he's not to blame
All day long I hear him shouting so loud
Just crying out that he was framed
- 'i shall be released' , The Band
okie.............. i'm tired............ i'm drained........... i'm wasted....... i'm demoralized.......... i'm frustrated................. i'm highly explosive now.............. i'm not in the best of moods................. i'm pissed off............. i'm irritated.............. i'm indignant.................... i'm feeling unjustified................. i'm feeling played out................. i'm feeling down................. i'm feeling agitated................ i'm raging at the narrow-mindedness of humans..................... i'm at a mental block............. i'm frazzled.............
i'm gonna end here.
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