Tribute to a very special man, one of his kind and unaware of it. The one who has opened doors to us and caused us to view the world without lies

[gets up from sitting along the rim of the light, skips bubbly to the nearest dark corner, sits down and grins idiotically.
grin slowly fades and she looks down to the floor, muttering "i don't know" silently, yet with a quiet intensity.
pauses and holds the moment, then she slowly moves to crawl/drag herself back to the edge of the light]

that's my inner clown............. the clown i discovered in me during workshop today................ i spent a brain-wrecking time searching for my clown.............. most professionals take six months to find their clown........... yet in this crash-course workshop on clowns we had to do it in like, what......... 10 minutes? it wasn't easy............ digging deep within the depths of your subconsciousness, trying to uncover that one throughline that compacts every single action of yours and defines what you live your life by...............
i discovered my friends' clowns, and contrary to popular belief, clowns are a sad lot, not the stereo-typical half-twit that we see bouncing around............. their lives are fake and one-dimensional, and as we dug deep into us this raining gloomy friday afternoon that was to be our last workshop and last official day in college, we realised that practically all of our inner clowns were depressive, pessimistic and deluded.............. "if i smile hard enough everything will turn out alright"............. "hi, my name's so-and-so........... yah right............."................. "i can't take it, i can't take it........ i can't take it"................. these are just some of the inner clowns of my friends.......... the cheerful people that have surrounded me and whom i've gone through utter shit and chaos and desperation with.................. and they come up with such depressing and suicidal inner driving forces........... how am i supposed to react to them? i can't fight the tears that are coming, and neither can a few of the rest......... the tears gates give way and a few of us silently cry in this misery of a world that we live in, while the other stronger ones are able to hold onto their emotions............
"i feel bad", said lofty, and i feel bad for making such a wonderful selfless man who has given so much of himself so unconditionally feel bad.......... all the late nights and stress, crises and endles encouragement from you.......... Thank you lofty, I love you. You have done so much for us and we will never forget it no matter how old we grow. This learning experience will accompany us till the day we die and thank you ever so much for opening this door to me, this less-travelled road....... and I will remember your words, that theatre is being true to yourself........ i still remember when we stayed overnight in school the day before my group's practical exam......... and after spending hours without end trying to work out our piece, brainstorming and wrecking our minds, we suddenly turned around and bit the loving hand that fed us, scraping our piece at 6am in the morning, with only two hours to go before our exam......... i remember the reassurance you gave us, we know full well that you were deeply shaken and almost in pieces, just like us, yet you still held on, putting on a strong facade for us, because if you let us see you break down, then there was going to be no holding BALANCE together......... it seemed as if the balance had been toppled and there was no way of securing an equilibrium......... yet you placed even more faith in us, determined that we would get there eventually, guiding us along the dark weary trodden path, holding the tender delicate and frail hands of the four of us in your two old weary and tired hands............... and we did. Though you weren't there to view our maiden run, we felt your spirit with us, egging us on, telling us in your mind from outside of AVA that we could do it, and that as long as we believed in what we were doing, nothing could go wrong.................. i still remember the perplexed look on your face, with your hand over your mouth as you sat and creased your brows as you looked on at us while we were trying to sort out our doomed piece........ and the glint in your eye when you said with confidence and faith and reassurance "You've found your theatre" when we slowly but surely fitted our piece together with you at the helm............ though you didn't realise it, but you were what drove us on..................
Now we have to step out of the comforting wings of the familiar and face the world, disillusioned and with washed eyes.

The future teaches you to be alone
The present to be afraid and cold
So if I can shoot rabbits
Then I can shoot fascists

Bullets for your brain today
But we'll forget it all again
Monuments put from pen to paper
Turns me into a gutless wonder

And if you tolerate this
Then your children will be next
And if you tolerate this
Then your children will be next
Will be next
Will be next
Will be next

Gravity keeps my head down
Or is it maybe shame
At being so young and being so vain

Holes in your head today
But I'm a pacifist
I've walked La Ramblas
But not with real intent

And on the street tonight an old man plays
With newspaper cuttings of his glory days

and to the beautiful one, this is for you, just like i said i would..................
And i feel that time's a wasted go
So where're you going till tomorrow?
And i see that these are lies to come
So would you even care?

And i feel it, and i feel it

Where you going till tomorrow?
Where you going with the mask i found?
And i feel, and i feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

And i feel so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And i see, that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?

And i feel it, and she feels it

When the dogs do find her
Got time, time to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it