had a wonderful day to day with my classmates and friends, though the manager at kenny roger's at marina was kinda condescending and irritating............ but we shall be magmanimous and put that at the back of our minds as the food was great..... eheh............. like one of harris' constant harpings , "us singaporeans are always on about food".... hehehe........... i think he's right................. ***gringrin***
over the lunch, i can't help but reminiscience about the good old days when we were innocent year one students, devoid of the big 'A' and all the hassle of studying........ as in the workshop yesterday, lofty said that we've all grown older and wiser as opposed to a year and a half ago, and i so totally agree............... not only physically and intellectually, but more importantly and on a deeper level, spiritually and emotionally......... we've learnt how to cope with a helluva lot of stress and hypocrisy, problems and strifes, rifts and broken friendships, and as i think back now, i see how much we've grown and matured, and it's a bittersweet feeling............... having gone through so much and experienced so much, experiencing the pain and anguish, yet at the same time taking i more of this life that the Lord has in store for us............ it is truly a cauldron of emotions and thoughts, bubbling and threatening to spill over the top.................. how do we keep the lid on it? ***punpunpun***
like children at the playground, we see their faces filled with joy and innocence and we feel a poignancy and certain jealousy creep into our hearts....... we know we were once like them, carefree and fearless, yet we just cannot place our fingers on how it felt to be in that state during a time long ago.......... liberated from the responsibilities and relationships that tie us down now, we wish to return to that utopian state of mind.............. yet ironic as it is, children hunger to grown up; to be responsible for themselves; to have the freedom that adults have; to enjoy the priviledges of maturity, yet when they've achieved those, in turn they yearn for the innocence and pure simple uncorrupted universe of childhood......... do we not appreciate what we have and take things for granted? does it have to take us to lose something before we value it and regret the days when we took it for granted?
it's amazing how our notion of love changes, as time passes and thoughts and feelings change gradually, without our knowledge and anticipation, til one day it hits us like a slap in the face and we're thrown into a whirlwind of confusion, uncertain and lost................... just like in "Legends of the Fall", the male hero returns from war to find the female heroine married to his brother and he says "You said you would love me forever" and she replies "Forever was too long".............. ouch.............. funny how we can be so certain about one thing at a point of time, yet as time passes, our faith wavers and our determination withers............ and what we were once so certain of just falls apart and it doesn't hold anymore............ shouldn't we learn from this fatal flaw in us and all our past experiences and not make such long-standing promises and statements? yet why are we so abstinate and stubborn and commit this mistake over and over again? are we so blind to see the fact? or are we just deluded, seeing yet unwilling to accept the hard truth, continuing to lie to ourselves day by day? it's all a matter of perception, how our perception changes from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.............. as it is, humans are fickle, it is in our nature, undeniable........... we change from time to time and how can we trust anyone, let alone ourselves? to put it cruelly, humans are creatures of deception, seemingly true and earnest at a point of time, yet lying and cheating at another......... but we ourselves are not in control of it, so how can we blame others when we ourselves are like that? isn't it a way of denying blame? of putting the blame on someone else just so it makes it easier for ourself to come to terms with it? it is always easier to come to terms with whatever unfortunate happens to us by blaming someone else or our surroundings.......... is this our form of escapism? or just our own insecurities that exist in each and everyone of us? will we ever be able to come to terms with it and confront it?
just three miles from the rest stop
and she slams on the brakes
she said 'i tried to be but i'm not
so could you please collect you things
i don't wanna be cold
i don't wanna be cruel
but i gotta find more than what's happening with you
if you would
open up the door'
she said 'while you were sleeping
i was listening to the radio
wondering what you're dreaming when
it came to mind that i didn't care'
and i thought 'hell if it's over
i had better end it quick
or i could lose my nerve
are you listening
can you hear me
have you forgotten'
just three miles from the rest stop
and my mouth's too dry to rage
the light was shining from the radio
and i could barely see her face
but she knew all the words that i never had said
she knew the crumpled up promise of this broken down man
and as i opened up the door
she said 'while you were sleeping
i was listening to the radio
wondering what you're dreaming when
it came to mind that i didn't care'
and i thought 'hell if it's over
i had better end it quick
or i could lose my nerve
are you listening
can you hear me
have you forgotten'
- 'rest stop', matchboxtwenty
would you know my name
if i saw you in heaven?
would it be the same
if i saw you in heaven?
i must be strong
and carry on
cause i know i don't belong
here in heaven
would you hold my hand
if i saw you in heaven?
would you hjelp me stand
if i saw you in heavne?
i'll find my way
through night and day
cause i know i just can't stay
here in heaven
time can bring you down
time can bend your knees
time can break your heart
have you begging please, begging please
beyond the door
there's peace i'm sure
and i know there'll be no more
tears in heaven
- 'tears in heaven', eric clapton